The Quiet Kid: (choni)

14: Depression is cool

TONI POV:

"Why did you call me?" Veronica ask walking into my room. I shut the door. "Because besides Cheryl you're the only person I can talk to about this and it not be as awkward." I sit at my desk. "What is it?" She smiles and sits on my bed. "I've never had- I never-." She interrupts me. "You've never masturbated have you?" I shake my head. "I get really uncomfortable and I've never had sex. Like me and Cheryl have but she was receiving because I can't bring myself to even put in a fucking tampon without crying." I say very very frustrated. "Well. Than don't masturbate." She say quietly. "I've never purposefully reached any pleasure and I just want to be comfortable doing it and I'm not." I say playing with my hands. "What do you mean purposefully?" She ask. I shake my head. "I don't want to talk about it with you." She nods. We discuss the whole me not being able to masturbating thing for a while. "I'll talk to you later." I close the door and walk into the kitchen. "How was your date last night?" Sarah ask as I sit at the counter. "Good, why?" I ask, she shrugs and washes dishes I didn't know we used. "What was Veronica doing here?" I lie my head on the counter and sigh. "She was helping me." She looks up. "With what?" I shake my head. "It's not important." I say awkwardly. "Ok. Can I ask you something?" She ask changing the subject. I nod biting my nails. She takes my arm and stops me. "What happened on your birthday that makes it so bad for you? Besides what you've already said." She ask. I take a deep breath and my phone starts ringing. "It's Veronica she probably left something." I pick it up. "Hey what's up?"

"Are you here for Cheryl Blossom?" A nurse walks in. We both stand up. "Yeah she's my girlfriend." I step forward. "Please say she's ok." The nurse nods. "Yes, we got all the water out of her lungs, she's asleep. If you want to see her." I nod and she brings me to her room. "Toni." Cheryl whispers. I close the door behind me and walk over to her. "Cher what happened?" I ask and sit on her bed. She slowly sits up. "My depressions taken over." She looks up. "Cheryl," I take her hand. "You should have talked to me." I shake my head in disbelief. "I tried, I couldn't. I'm sorry." I kiss her slowly. "I'm just happy you're ok." I kiss her again. "Never do this to me again. I love you to much to lose you.." I cup her cheek. "I love you Cheryl." I whisper. I don't say it enough and I hate that. "I love you." She whispers. We kiss again and I start crying. "Toni..." Cheryl trails off. "I can't lose you, Not yet at least." She kisses slowly. "Do you want to stay with me for a few days, I already talked to Sarah she said you could if you wanted to." I offer. "I don't want to intrude." She says quietly. "You might as well you pretty much live there already. Just for a little bit so you can get your life back together." She nods. "If you are the big spoon and get to hold me every night I'm there." I smile and kiss her. The nurse comes in and does some test. "When do you think I can leave?" Cheryl ask. "Not for a week or two." Cheryl lies her head on the pillow as the nurse leaves. "I'm not going to feel bad for you, because you put this on yourself." I whisper. "But! I'll still be here to support you." I stand up. "I need the keys to your house, to pick up some stuff for you." I say reaching my hand open. "There in my bag." I grab them and turn to her. "I'm gonna stop by Pops, do you want your regular?" I ask, she nods. "But can I regular fries instead?" I nod. "Yeah, is there anything in particular you want me to bring?" She thinks. "Underwear." She laughs. "Ok." I run out and go to Pops.

"How's Cheryl doing?" Sarah ask as I walk into the house. Cheryl insisted I go home and get some rest. It had been a few days since I got the call and I haven't slept since. "Better, but she's not getting out of the hospital for a while." I say sitting on the couch. "Did she ever tell you, why she did what she did?" Sarah ask. "Nana Rose dying, Jason dying, her parents neglecting her. Oh! And being outed in front of the entire school and faculty." I say throwing my hat on the table. "Someone found a picture of her with her ex girlfriend and when she was give a presentation for something at school, she was flipping through the power point that in one of them was that picture and she hasn't stopped getting crap for it." I say. "She made me come home though, because I have obviously been there for a while." I stand up and go to my room. I close the door and turn off all the lights. "I'm either do this now or never." I whisper to myself. I take off my shirt and pants, and lie on the bed. I slide my hand down my underwear but quickly stop. No, I can't do it. Maybe tomorrow. I roll over and go to sleep. Well, I try to but I got a phone call from Veronica. I pick it up. "Is Cheryl ok?" Is the first thing that comes out of my mouth. "Yes, it's not about that. Meet me at Pops in ten." She hangs up without a explanation. I get up and throw a shirt and pants on. I run downstairs. "I need to meet Veronica at Pops." I grab my jacket. "Why?" Sarah ask. "Honestly I don't know she called me and didn't tell me why." Sarah shrugs. "You're 18 do whatever. And be safe." I nod and go to Pops. Veronica and Josie sitting at the counter talking. "Hey girls. Why am I here?" I ask walking over to them. "Because I need to show you both something." Veronica gets up and we go to where the door to the Speakeasy is. "Ok, this isn't new why are we here?" Josie ask. "Because it needed to be remodeled and revamped." Veronica smiles and opens the door. We all walk in. Ok, wow. "I also need your help." Veronica turns to us. "Toni, since you are now a legal adult I need you to bar tend." I shake my head. "I can't, I'm trying to get over my alcohol problem and I don't think this will make it any better." I rub my arm. "I need one." Veronica sighs. "Ask SweetPea or Fangs. They probably will, go to Fangs first. I could do something else if you really want my to help you." I suggest. "I'll keep you posted." I nod. "Can I go, I promise Cheryl that I would get some sleep?" Veronica nods. "Cool, I'll talk to you later." I run out and go home. "Hey. Again." I go upstairs and go to bed. Finally some sleep.