The Quiet Kid: (choni)

13: Her Song

TONI POV:

"You ok, babe?" Cheryl snaps me out if my thoughts. I look at her and nod. "Yeah." I throw  a rock in the water. "Really?" I nod. "Yeah, just got-." I stop myself and shake my head. "What is it?" I shake my head. "It's-its nothing." I play with my shoe lace. "Toni." I look back up and her. "Seriously." I say calmly. "Ok." She takes my hand. "If you want to talk to me about it later you can." She says quietly. "I will. I just freaked out this morning, Sarah and I didn't know what to do though." I laugh. "Why?" She ask. I shake my head. "It's a mystery." She laughs and than pulls me into a kiss. "You're really annoying sometimes." I smile. "Thank you." I joke. She kisses me again. God I love her. "So what are you doing about the whole school thing?" She brings up the one thing I really don't want to talk or think about.  "Again. Don't want to talk about it." I grab another rock and throw it. "Ok." I lie my head on her shoulder. "I can't wait to get out of this town." I say quietly. "Don't you hate moving?" She ask confused. "Yeah. When I was first moved to Riverdale, I asked if I could stay in Riverdale because I was sick and tired of moving schools and starting new." I say out of frustration. "I also just was tired of moving towns and finding my way around." I crack my knuckles just to piss of Cheryl. "Why? I hate that!" I laugh. "Oh, I know."

"Sarah!" I yell is a panic. She runs up the stairs. "What?!" She ask frustrated. "I need help shaving." I say quietly. She puts her head down. "Can we eat dinner first?" I nod. "Yeah." I put the razor and shaving cream down and walk out. "What's for dinner?" I ask walking down stairs. "Food." I nod. "Cool." We sit down and eat. "How's Cheryl?" She ask quietly. "Good." We both look up. "She's still trying to find a place to live. She has all this space she doesn't need, I don't know." I say before drinking my water. "Anyways!" I change the subject. "How's your boyfriend?" I ask quietly. "Good. He wants to meet you." I shake my head. "Why not?" She ask quietly. "You can actually shave." I laugh. "I have trust issues with men." I say quietly. "Your father?" I nod. "Yeah. He was never the best and you saw him shut me out of his life. Because of that and some other things, I've never trusted any man. Which is really weird because look at me." I say awkwardly. I never realized how awkward I am until I met Cheryl. Not saying Cheryl has made me self conscious! I just realized my behavior more often. It's weird. "Makes sense, but you guys should meet." She says. I rub my hands on my thighs. "If we do, can it be in public? I don't want a lot of questions asked or anything like that." She nods. "That can work. You're an anxious person and I told him that you are so I think he'll be ok with that." I nod. My phone rings I look at it's Cheryl. "Can I take this? She doesn't usually call so I should probably take it." I ask. "Yeah." I get up and take the call. "Hey, Cher what's up?" I ask. "Nana Rose died." She says through tears. "Cheryl, where are you?" I ask. "I'm at the hospital." I grab my jacket. "I'll be there in a bit." I hang up. "I have to go." I say shoving my phone in my pocket. "Where?" Sarah ask. "The hospital, I don't really have any time to explain." She nods. "Be safe." I run out of the house and drive to the hospital. Once I get there Cheryl is sitting on the steps crying. I take off my jacket and rap it around her. "Cheryl, I'm sorry." I rub her shoulder. She cry into my shoulder.

"Cheryl, maybe you should stop." I tell her sitting down on the bed. For the past hour she's been dividing Nana Roses room. "Cheryl." She doesn't stop. "Cheryl!" I looks at me. "I'm fine!" She yells. "Cheryl." I whisper. She bites her lip trying not to cry. "I'm fine." She whispers. "I'm fine." She starts crying. I get up and hug her. I rub her back. "Cheryl." I kiss the top of her head. "Maybe you should go home." She nods and wipes her tears. "Can you stay with me?" She ask quietly. "Yeah." I rub her back and we leave. We get to her house and nothing really happens except her falling asleep in my arms. Even though she's asleep she's still crying. It pains me to see her like this mostly because I know how she feels and I hate it. I pull her closer kissing her forehead softly. "Cher..." I whisper sadly. I wipe the tears off her face.

"Hey." Cheryl says walks downstairs. "How are you doing?" I ask. She sits down at the table. "I feel numb." She says quietly. "I don't know what feels worse her or JJ." I say quietly. "It's probably not as bad as watching your mother be killed in front of you." I say looking up. "Sorry, this is your problem." I say quietly biting my lip. "It's fine." I take her hand. "Cheryl, you're going to be ok." I reassure her. "I know, luckily in her will she doesn't want a funeral. So I don't have to interact with my family!" She says excitedly. "How- how long have you been waiting?" I shrug. "Not long. I wasn't really doing much." I say. "Do you want to go on a date? Get your mind off everything." I ask. We don't really go on dates we just hang out and than after we decide we just went on a date. It's weird. "Yeah, yeah that would be great." She says. "Maybe tomorrow night?" I ask. "Yeah." She says awkwardly. "I'll pick you up." Cheryl nods. "Ok. I should head home." I get up and go out. I get to my car and slam my head against the steering wheel. Why do I still get awkward around her when I'm supposed to be serious? God I hate myself. I turn on the car and my moms favorite song comes on. I start crying. I try to avoid the song as much as possible.

"Antoinette, lets dance it will make you feel better." My mom sits in front of me. "Ok." She turns on the radio and Stuck In The Middle With You starts playing. "Come on this is my favorite song." She picks me up and starts dancing.

I pull over because I'm crying to much. I wish I could see her one last time and tell her how I feel. I wipe my tears and keep driving. I get home and open the door to the house. "Sarah, I'm home!" I yell. "In Jason's room!" She yells from upstairs. I go up to his room. "Hey." She turns around. "Hey." Jason pisses all over the place. "You ok?" She ask. I sit down and throw my hat off. "No. Cheryl had a mental break down at the retirement home, I heard my moms favorite song for the first time in ten years. I had to pull over." I say quietly. She finishes changing Jason and puts him to bed. "Toni..." Sarah closes the door. "I don't really want to talk about it. I just want to take a shower and go to bed." I whisper so I don't wake up Jason. "Ok." I go to my room and change into a towel. I go out to the bathroom Sarah walks out and my towel starts to drop. I catch it around my crouch. "Sorry." I go to the bathroom and shut the door. I look in the mirror and take a deep breath. "Oh god." I grab a tampon out of the coppered. I sit on the toilet and change it. God I hate this. I haven't gotten my period in months. Why did it come back? I turn on the shower and get in. I look at all the scares on my body and oh my god did I want to kill myself. Like I still do just, I have more to live for and I go to therapy. My chest scars are healing really well. There is a knock at the door as always. "You ok in there?" Sarah always ask. "Yeah, I'll be out in a minute!" I wash my body and get out. I go to my room and change. I really just change into my boxers and dry off my hair. I should probably re-do my hair. "Sarah!" I run downstairs. "What?" She ask concerned. "I need help getting a reservation." I calm down. "Ok."

I knock on the door. I check my breath. Why am I so nervous? The door opens and oh my god does Cheryl look amazing in her red dress. "You ok?" She ask quietly. "Before we go anywhere." I take a deep breath. "Do you have, a you know. A- a you know." She looks at me as I rub my back. "This is awkward. I'm just to come out and say it. Do you have a tampon or something?" I ask awkwardly. She smiles. "Yes. Of course. Come in for a minute." I walk in.

After the date we went back to her house to get changed and take a walk to SweetWater river.
"You could have just asked me earlier." She says as she takes my hand. "You didn't need to make it awkward." We start walking. I look down at my feet. "I know, I changed brands of testosterone and my body is not reacting well to it. And when changing brands one of the symptoms at first is getting your period. It's supposed to stop in the next couple of months when my body adjusts. I just wasn't ready for it so when it came I wasn't prepared." She kisses my hand. "I'm sorry you have to go through that." I shrug. "It's fine." I say quietly kicking a rock. "How are you doing?" I ask awkwardly. "Better." She sighs. I rub her arm. I look over and she wipes her tears. She stops in her tracks. "Today's your birthday." I let go of her hand and look at her. "Please don't remind me." I whisper. She cups my cheek. "What happened on your birthday that makes you want to forget it?" I look away and bite my lip. "Never mind, it's your choice. I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything." She starts to walk again, I follow her and take her hand. "I've already told you." I say biting my nail. "Since when do you bite your nails?" I shrug. "Since right now." I say quietly. I look down. "What?" She laughs. "I need your help."