Spice of Love

Chapter 20

The next day, the strange and unsettling atmosphere hung between Mark and Jinyoung. The former looked so indifferent as if nothing had happened between them. Jinyoung could not believe this was the same man who had begged his love just the previous day.

Jinyoung did not like it; he would rather have Mark being furious with him or sullen for being rejected, than seeing him being so composed, like now.

They sat at the table for breakfast and the whole kitchen was all in silence. Except a casual good-morning, Mark had not spoken a word to Jinyoung.

Even if Jinyoung disliked it, he was the very one to be blamed.

"I guess Jackson must be so attentive to you even during the work hours," Mark said at last.

Jinyoung looked up from his food to observe Mark's expression; but there was hardly any emotion in it.

"Don't you like it?" Jinyoung asked, quietly.

Mark was silent for a moment but then said, "It hardly concerns me, Jinyoung. Well, I should be happy if he is because that means he really loves you."

Jinyoung could not make any reply to that and could not deny that he was hurt by Mark's indifference.

"You sound like you really want me to be with him."

"I do, Jinyoung, if it's what you want."

Jinyoung hastened to finish his breakfast to leave the kitchen as soon as possible, lest he would no longer be able to pretend that whatever Mark said had no effect on him.

Jinyoung checked the time on his phone again and once again, contemplated whether he should start having his dinner now or not.

He was not mistaken - it was just the usual time Mark was normally back home from work. But the latter had not turned up yet.

Jinyoung intended to have dinner with Mark and had even prepared both of their dinner. All he wanted from this dinner was the reassurance that both he and Mark were still in good terms.

Mark's words from this morning had frightened Jinyoung a little. He could not understand himself anymore; he refused to accept Mark but yet did not want to be treated so cold by Mark.

Another half an hour passed and Jinyoung could no longer bear his hunger. He was just on the brink of giving up when he heard the door being unlocked and Mark coming in.

Fortunately for Jinyoung, Mark came straight to the kitchen but stopped in the doorway when he saw Jinyoung seated at the table there.

"Mark, come and seat here. I've prepared your dinner as well. I'm not sure if you like vegetable broth and chicken stew, but I made them. If you don't li-"

"Jinyoung, I've already had my dinner outside. You shouldn't have bothered."

Jinyoung's face fell but he tried to smile, "Ah, no problem, Mark. But in case you want to have some later, I'll keep them for you."

Mark sighed, "Please don't bother. I'm going to take a rest now."

With that, Mark left to his room, and Jinyoung could do nothing but just to watch him leave.

It was around midnight but Jinyoung could not sleep. So here he was, seated in the living-room, with a glass of champagne in his hand and the bottle on the table before him.

He had bought it to drink later when the weather got too cold. But it now served him only as something to let him loose into nothingness.

Even then his thoughts were wandering and he hoped he would get drunk real quick.

At the sound of something moving at a corner, he darted his eyes to see what it was but was welcomed by Mark's incredulous eyes set on him.

Jinyoung turned his eyes away and stared mindlessly at the glass in his hand. Mark was standing in front of his room and then slowly walked to Jinyoung.

"Jinyoung, what the hell are you doing at this time of the night?"

"Drinking as you see. You're welcome if you want to join me."

Mark quickened his way to Jinyoung and snatched the glass away, which made Jinyoung scowl.

"Give it back to me, Mark. You can fetch another glass if you're that desperate to drink."

By Jinyoung's words and tone, Mark could guess Jinyoung was already tipsy. He sat down beside Jinyoung and put the glass on the table.

When Jinyoung reached out for it, Mark caught his wrist to stop him.

"What's the matter with you, Mark?" asked Jinyoung, in frustration.

"That's what I want to ask you. What's the problem, Jinyoung? Why're you drinking at this hour? You should be in bed by now. Is something troubling you?"

Jinyoung looked at Mark in agitation and shook his head.

"Whatever is happening to me hardly concerns you, Mark. If you're not to drink with me, leave me alone."

"Is it about Jackson? Did you quarrel with him? Why shou-"

"When are you going to stop your presumptions? Hell with all of that, I'm tired of it. Just let me be alone."

Jinyoung closed his eyes and threw his head back against the back of the couch. Mark stared at him, not knowing what to do. He was quite certain Jinyoung was angry with him; but what the reason was, he did not know.

"I know I shouldn't intrude into your privacy," Mark muttered.

Jinyoung tried to sit up straight again and took the glass from the table. But this time Mark did not stop him.

"I have a lot to say, Mark. But you might not want to hear any of it," Jinyoung said. He barely knew that it was the alcohol's effect that was making him so bold.

"I want to hear whatever you have to say, Jinyoung. If it comforts you."

Jinyoung drank all of the champagne from the glass and set the glass down on the table.

"You always confuse me, Mark."

"Why?"

Jinyoung did not answer and continued his own words, "I tried to set walls around me but you still managed to break them. Why, unfair. Unfair that it's always you who wins in the end. And...and I don't want to hurt Jackson. What should I do?"

"I love you, Jinyoung. I don't know what you mean by breaking the walls. But if I'm the cause why you're suffering like now, I...I'm sorry. I never intend to hurt you. One thing, Jinyoung," Mark stared at Jinyoung with longing, "I do not win, I'm just a loser."

Jinyoung let out a laugh, which was rather of a snort, "That's all very well said, isn't it? Why, Mark, why you must be so nice to me? Why are you making me find it hard to let go of you? I wish...I wish I did not love you. Then I'd need not be suffering like that."

Jinyoung had no idea of whatever he had said, and closing his eyes, he got quiet and passed out. His head fell on Mark's shoulder and Mark ran his fingers through the strands of Jinyoung's hair, gently.

Mark was elated by the fact that Jinyoung loved him. But Jinyoung was suffering because of that, Mark thought. From Jinyoung's words, it was so clear that he had no intention to accept Mark. If it was Jinyoung's decision, Mark was determined to accept it, even if it was breaking his heart. He did not want to be selfish, much worse to be the cause of Jinyoung's suffering.