Must Date The Chef

|| 16.

Today is the first time I wake before my alarm. My eyes settle on the time on my phone and I see that I have thirty minutes before my alarm rings. The events of last night flood my mind and I am hit with a rush of emotions. I rub the back of my eyes as if it will clear the overwhelming guilt of being with my supposed best friend's man.

How can a night with so much promise turn sour so fast? I sniff and hug myself, Paul is an asshole, so am I for taking this long to break off this --whatever it is-- that is--was going on between us. It has gone on for too long and I'm glad I called it off. My heart clenches at that thought, am I really glad?

I sniff again as my legs meet the cold floor, hating myself for having no control of my thoughts which wander to Paul. He keeps talking about a list like I am a renowned sex worker. I have only slept with two men all my life. Two men. Even if the list is longer than that, it's still no business of his.

What about him? He is the one who wants a best friend sandwich. I scoff, talk about double standards. Did he learn how to expertly pleasure women by keeping to himself? Arrogant asshole, I am done with him, I don't care. I will keep my distance.

All the times I mentioned Chi, he dodged the topic. I should have taken that as a sign yet I let him kiss the questions out of my mind. He is a great kisser, I will give him that and a part of me fears being caught alone with him. I hate that I always want to be in his good book, I didn't care what Edwin thought of me as much as I do now with Paul. His presence makes my body throb with need and a strange desire to please him but that's not all, I like being around him even if all we do is sit in silence. He brings me peace.

Padding out of the bedroom, my heart thumps at the thought of seeing Paul after refusing his offer of a kiss. He must have been shocked, I still am but like he said, we all have choices and I chose not to kiss him again. I twirl my pendant; I hope I can keep to this promise once I set my eyes on him.

Paul is hot, as hot as the meals he prepares. In my shirt and shorts, he looks hotter than any male I have ever seen. Who knew a man could look that sexy in my clothes? Argh. I hit my head repeatedly. Focus. I need to focus, remember Chi is the sister I never had. I love her too much to betray her. I pick her over a confused man who thinks it okay to hurl hateful words at me.

But I hurt him too. I sigh and pull off my hair bonnet. My actions hurt him but it doesn't make it wrong. I slept with King and when I did, I was a single lady, I still am. Paul has no right to be upset because he has not made his intentions for me clear. How should I have known he was giving me space to get over Edwin? My chest rose and fell, I close my eyes and open it slowly. Handsome men will not be the death of me.

Bracing myself for what I will say or do in case he is already awake, a frown flits to my lips when my eyes land on the empty couch and heap of folded clothes. He left.

Paul left me again.

His absence hits me harder than I expected, my heart constricts and I sink into the couch he vacated. Seconds pass before I stand again, the next few minutes are a blur as my feet take me to the stereo. I connect my phone to the speakers and no more pain by Mary J. Blige fills the air soon after.

*   *   *

"Good morning madam."

My head whips in the direction of the voice and my heart sinks to the pit of my belly when I sight Chi through the transparent doors. She's smiling at me. I look down at my toenails covered in white nail polish, the black wedge sandals I matched with my plain trouser. I don't deserve her smile or her friendship.

I leave the door open for her, stand by the side and wait for her bubbly self to join me. "You are early," she states and takes a glance at her wristwatch, "too early."