It's a weird feeling, to be honest, that I'm finally going to see you in flesh. The anticipation and nervousness both killing me on the inside. My anxiety slowly crawling through out my whole system.
Damn. I feel like throwing up.
It's a two-hour drive from Pampanga to San Juan. Two dreadful hours of imagining how I'm going to act in front of you, because this time I can't hide behind the screen—this time I can't use memes to express how I feel.
I made sure to be at the venue 3 hours early, since I don't know what to expect. I don't know the place and I'm traveling alone.
Another 3 hours of overthinking whether I should stay and watch or just leave because damn it—I remembered all the memes I sent you and all those times I 'send-unsend' a message to you.
I don't even know if you'll remember me, or recognize me but i just felt so embarrassed.
That's it. I can't face you anymore.
I haven't really done this my whole life. I never fangirled so hard because I never really liked chasing people... but I guess you are an exception. I guess I'm just too willing to go 'gaga' over you.
Then I saw you. Too quick and too sudden. I don't know if our eyes met but that's definitely you.
My Sunshine. My Caelan.
Weird. I don't know what to feel. All I know is that I need to stop before I drown.
I'm just another fangirl. I am no one. I cannot freaking drown because it will hurt like a bitch. Loving someone with no chance at all—it'll kill me.
But God, maybe I'm just plain stupid. With all those warnings in my head, I should have stopped and went home.
But no.
I wanted to see you play. Just once and then I maybe I'll stop.
It is a bargain. A bargain that will surely break me.
And there you are again, my sunshine. Suddenly I forgot about drowning—in fact I was able to breathe.
Weird. I don't even know if you recognized me but I just can't look at you. I'm playing a dangerous game, aren't I?
Then my sunshine turned into a glorious beast. You play so damn well. You took the spotlight from everyone else.
The arena was so loud but all I could hear was my heartbeat. Weird. Dangerous. Impossible. This will not end well to me.
You won. You deserve it.
Saw the smile on your face. It was your victory and I hope you know that you deserve it. Actually, you deserve everything in this world.
Maybe I realized, at that very moment that I'll never get another chance again.
With a heavy heart, while trying not to cry, I grabbed you from the other girls. Gave you the gift I prepared for days and I don't even remember what I said—guess your smile was so distracting.
I didn't even want to ask for a photo, your presence was too much to handle. Glad I did though, with shaky hands and an awkward smile.
You are too much, my sunshine, you burned me with your flames and then left without even casting me a look.
