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WEEKS HAD PASSED SINCE SHE HAD SPOKEN TO JOHN. Three to be exact. The ache is her chest had done nothing but grow, spread through her veins. It was the same when she fell asleep and when she woke. She found her bed to be cold and lonely. She missed his muscular arms that she dreamt was wrapped around her as much as she missed the smell of him. She was lost.
But as she gazed as the boat that prepared to take her and her mother to America she couldn't help but feel something. Hope. Hope for a new beginning. Hope to find another love. Hope to be happy.
However, before she could step onto the boat she heard her name, her name being called in the distance.
And there he was. John Shelby sprinting, ignoring every burning muscle, every bad thought that told him to go back to his fiancé.
The pain he carried in his chest was inexplicable.
And so the tears began once again. They rolled silently onto her cracked lips, salty and cold.
"Please you can't go!" He heaved grabbing her shoulders shaking her lightly.
"John I have to go, you know this!" She whispered, avoiding looking into his eyes as she knew she would break once again.
"Look I love you. It's always been you. I'll do anything, alright? I'll leave Martha... I'll.... I'll... I'll do something." He almost cried, she could feel the pain in his chest spill through his words.
"You have no idea how much I love you too. How much you make me smile, how much I love talking to you, or how much I wish you could come with me. But you have a family now, a kid on the way. God John when did we grow up so fast?" She released a shaky laugh.
"Please don't go." He continued to mumble as tears bled from his eyes.
"I have too John." She finally looked at him, the pain that flowed from her was as palpable as the frigid fall wind. There, in front of her, John was struggling to keep his tears silent, looking up to the watery skies and heaven beyond.
"Who knows, maybe in five years our paths will cross again and I'll tell you how desperately in love I was with you and we can laugh about how we broke each others hearts." She laughed. However John could tell it was a laugh to cover the pain. The heart ache, as she tried to keep the sobs at bay.
"What if I never see you again?" He whispered, too emotionally broken to say anything else.
"We will. I know we will. Hopefully when we're slightly older and our minds are less hectic. I'll be right for you and you'll be right for me. But right now I'm just chaos to your thoughts and you are poison to my heart. Because your killing me John. Killing me from the inside out and I can't keep doing that to myself." She spilled as her lips trembled and hands shook as they wove themselves in his hair.
"Take care of that little kid for me alright? Take care of him, protect him, love him. Be the father for that child that I never got to experience in my life." She laughed as her lips were coated in the salty tears. Her breathe could be seen like smoke due to the cold morning air.
"I love you." He whispered, his thumbs stroking her cheeks as he leaned his forehead against hers.
"And I love you too..."
And so she left him midway, ensuring after all these years that she was worth his tears.
