Sincerely, Leah

14

Even though I now know who April is,  I'm still too afraid to approach her. I know she won't bite, but there's just something holding me back. I guess I'm just being the usual selfish bitch and I'm waiting for her to approach me. I really like who she actually is. In fact, I think I've always loved the person she really is.

I really wanna say it to her. I wanna hold her and kiss her like I always have done, even in the emails. But I'm too fucking unnecessarily afraid. I don't know why this is so hard.

• • • • • •

And then its Christmas Eve. The most wonderful tiiiiiiiiiime of the yeeeeeeeeear. Whoopee.

I get out of bed and get dressed like normal. I then throw on my MFC hoodie and I head around to all my friends houses to collect them for breakfast in Waffle House.

Simon came out to his parents yesterday, and I'm so proud of him. I have to hug him when he tells us.

When we're inside, we place our order and sit down. And we're all chatting and laughing and talking about the fact that Christmas is tomorrow. But something doesn't feel right. Its got nothing to do with April. Then, I see him a few tables away.

My fuckin dad.

I feel dread wash over me. I'm having trouble breathing.

"Lee, are you OK?", Lucy says wrapping an arm around me.

She looks up to where the father is. She sighs and holds me closer.

"Don't mind him.", she says.

But he's already coming over to us.

He takes a chair from another table and he comes to ours.

"Well, Louise!", he says.

"It's Leah, you bastard.", Lucy mutters.

"Oh! Is this your girlfriend?", he taunts. "Oh, by the way, heard you're a lesbian now. You never really were my daughter."

And he slaps me in the face.

"Merry Christmas, gays.", he says, and he walks out of the restaurant.

I fall into my seat, clutching my cheek. I begin to cry. As in, full on sob. 

Lucy, Abby, Simon and Nick all huddle around me and hug me. I know they love me. And April loves me. And Matty Healy loves me.

But those words replay in my head for the rest of the day.

"You never really were my daughter."

• • • • • •

I wake up the following morning, totally not in the Christmas spirit. The sentence is still replaying, and I don't know why its bothering me so much. I don't give two shits about that man.

I walk down the stairs and I go underneath the tree. We're that kind of family where it doesn't matter whether everyone's downstairs or not, whoever's down first gets to open their gifts.

I open my mom's first. She got me a copy of A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships on vinyl. I don't even have a record player.

But then, I open the gift from Wells, and it's a record player. I hate to admit it, but after a few weeks, I really got to like Wells. He's more of a father to me than that other man.

I smile. I'll be sure to thank them when they come down. Wells is staying with us for Christmas.

I open Simon's gift next, and its the IV EP from The 1975. Damn, Si. You picked out a golden rare. The tag says,

Even though I hate this band, I gotta admit that this EP is a killer. Enjoy it. Love you.
Si.

I have a feeling he secretly loves them. He seemed very interested when I was talking about meeting Matty.

I move onto Nick's gift. Its a Harry Potter duvet cover. Two things we really agree on are Doctor Who and Harry Potter.

I open up Lucy's gift next. Its a scrapbook with pictures that she took the night we met The 1975, selfies from different outings and a group photo of us all at the Waffle House.

I smile. Its my favourite gift so far.

The one Abby got me is the smallest. Its an envelope.

I open it up and there's a note inside and $5. I unfold the note.

Leah,
Meet me outside the WaHo at 8:30. Bring the money. Happy Christmas.
-April (Abby)

I stare at the note for a second. Its finally happening.

I take out my phone and look at the time. Its 8:03.

I rush upstairs, throw on a pair of jeans and the MFC hoodie and combat boots, head out the door and drive to Waffle House.