Only You ✔️

26- The Intake

The doctor prescribed Nova with some antibiotics to flush out her system and prevent infection. He also suggested that she and I both go see a grief therapist.

Neither of us were to keen on that one, but we agreed because we wanted to know how we could cope.

So here we are standing outside of Dr. Francis' office.

Nova squeezes my hand tight as she takes a deep breath.

"You ready for this?" She asks me

"No. Are you?"

She shakes her head. Her eyes are brimmed with tears.

I wrap my arms around her.

"We'll be ok Nova. I promise."

She sniffs and nods her head before pulling away.

I interlock our fingers together and give her hand a reassuring squeeze, before knocking on the door.

After a few seconds a middle aged woman opens the door.

Her graying hair was tied up in a tight bun, and her kind green eyes hid behind the thick rims of her glasses.

She beckons us into her office and tells us to have a seat on the sofa.

"Hello! I'm doctor Elaine Francis."

I flash a weak smile towards her.

"Spencer Wright and this is my girlfriend Nova Ramirez"

Dr. Francis smiles sweetly at us as she opens her laptop.

"So what type of therapy are you folks here for?"

Nova and I share a look before I answer.

"Um grief counseling. The Dr. Barnes from the ER suggested we come. We um. Lost our baby"

Her face softens.

"I'm so sorry to hear that, and I'm sorry for your loss"

Nova hangs her head, and I squeeze her hand.

"So how this is going to work, is basically, you talk, I listen. This is a completely safe area, anything said in here remains between us. If you are uncomfortable speaking about a matter, tell me and we can move on."

She crosses one leg over her other and folds her hands in her lap.

"Whenever you are ready to start, feel free"

I look to Nova, who is fighting tears, I know she didn't want to be here, and neither did I. But we both felt like we should try at least one session.

"I just wish I had known she was even pregnant. When I found out, it hurt because I didn't even get the chance to be a dad."

"How far along were you?" She asks the question, directed towards Nova, but she doesn't answer.

"Three weeks" I respond to her.

"Did the doctor say why?"

"I had put her through a lot of stress and it became to much for the fetus to handle."

Nova snaps her head up and stares at me with her mouth agape.

Dr. Francis studies her reaction.

"Do you not agree Ms. Ramirez?"

"Nova" she corrects.

"My apologies, Nova"

Nova's attention turns to the doctor.

"It's not his fault, I don't know why he keeps blaming himself but it isn't his fault. And as much as it sucks, we can't change what happened."

"So tell me Spencer, why do you think it's your fault?"

I take a deep breath and put my head in my hands. I was trying desperately to hold in the tears.

My lip quivers and my eyes burn.

"I pushed her away." I whisper.

"I got so involved with work and I didn't pay attention to her, I broke my promise to her and I let her doubt what we had."

"And now because of me, Hallie didn't get the chance to be a big sister, because I-I killed my baby"

After the words leave my mouth a sob follows. I wanted to be strong for Nova, but the guilt was eating me alive.

I bury my face in my hands and sob. Nova didn't deserve me. I was a wreck and I was dragging her down with me. I knew I was.

She deserved better than me.

"I'm sorry, I thought I could do this, but I can't." I state as I stand up and leave the office.

I didn't want to leave her there, but I needed to get away. I really needed to drink.

I head outside and jump in my car, I peel out of the parking lot and head to the nearest bar. I called Jonas on the way to see if he could meet me, and of course he obliged.

I take a seat at the bar top and order a whiskey on the rocks. I guzzle it down before motioning for a refill.

Jonas soon shows up and takes the seat next to me.

I trace my finger around the edge of my glass as he orders himself a beer.

"How'd the session go?" He asks.

I knew he wanted to avoid the baby topic, but I couldn't avoid it forever. It would have to come out at some point.

"Just peachy" I grumble

"Listen man, I know it's hard."

"How do you know that? Lacey didn't have any miscarriages because of you"

Jonas takes a deep breath.

"No she didn't you're right. But neither did Nova"

I roll my eyes. Why couldn't everyone just let me take the blame, it was my fault. I knew it was.

My phone buzzes in my pocket. Nova's name pops up, and I decline the call.

"Why are you ignoring her?"

I guzzle the rest of my whiskey before answering him.

"She deserves better. I just left her in that office. I can't provide for her the way I want to, the way she deserves. I can't even give her a baby." I tell him dejectedly.

"I'm going to tell you something that you once told me. You have more chances to have a baby, now I'm not saying not to mourn this one, I'm just saying don't let it stop you from building your family. Lacey had three miscarriages before she knew she couldn't get pregnant. And now look, we have Griffin, and we love him like he were our own blood"

I didn't know Lacey had three miscarriages. She never told me.

"Thank man." I say placing some money on the counter and standing up.

"Where are you going?"

"To get my girl. Even though I don't deserve her, I need her, and right now she needs me."

Jonas smiles at me.

"You still on for this weekend?"

"Hell yeah. I'm not backing out."

With a nod of his head, he takes another swing of his beer.

I go outside and get back into my car before driving back to Dr. Francis' office.

Nova was standing outside when I got there.

I get out and jog over to her.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left you."

She wraps her arms around my torso and holds me tight against her body.

"I love you Spencer" she mumbles into my chest.

"I love you too"