~ 3 Months Later ~
Keilani POV
So, it's been 3 months since that situation at Shay's house happened and I haven't spoke to Jeremiah since. I only see him around school and I try to approach him but he turns the other way. Since that whole thing happened I have been with Kyle. Me and him are an official couple. I can honestly say I love Kyle, he treats me like a queen. He's a dick head to everyone else but me and I like that. With Kyle there's no insecurities or worries, we are open and honest with each other about everything and I'm happy. But some nights I think about what if Jeremiah was in Kyle's place. After that whole issue, Jeremiah moved outta Shay house and went back to living with Dre. I honestly don't know why he don't just fix shit with his moms and go home.
I haven't been back to my dads house in a while but he texted me saying he moved away to D.C. with some new girl that he supposedly loves now. I mean I'm happy for my dad and I got to see him before he left. He said too much negative energy out here so he moved away and started over. He wanted me to finish school so that's why I'm still here. I live with Kyle. Honestly it's like we're married. It's about to be Christmas break soon and over break the crew and I always do secret Santa. So I'm going to use this Christmas to introduce the gang to Kyle.... officially.
It's been real hot since me and Jerry ended so I always put it off. The whole gang fully aware of what me and Jerry had going on, but now that it's over they been buggin' to meet my new boo. Right now it's lunch block and I don't eat that school food. I left the lunch room and went to my locker to get my food. As I'm walking to the student lounge, I bump into a boy walking with his head down. "My fault." He says still not looking up. I roll my eyes annoyed with him.
"Listen I know you're mad at me, I know you probably hate me, but don't cap like you didn't see me Jeremiah. You're completely ghosting me and it hurts because once upon a time you were my best friend. It hurts like hell not speaking to you and I want it to stop." "It's funny how it's always about what you want huh ?" I chewed my cheek. "Look, I know the wounds are still fresh but it's been 3 months. You and I have to sit and talk about this at some point. You talk to everyone else about how you feel but me. I don't wanna hear how you feel from the crew. I wanna hear it from you Jerry. Like I'm sorry." I step closer and he stepped back. "Are you with him." He asked looking me dead in my eyes. I sighed going against my initial thought to play dumb and just answered him honestly. He literally can't take anymore lies. "Yes Jeremiah. I'm with Kyle. I live with him and we have been together for the past 3 months."
He nodded his head. "Is he treating you right?" I tilted my head. "Yes, he is." "Better than me ?" I licked my lips. "Jeremiah come on do-". "Better. Then. Me ?" He asked again this time with a tone that demanded an answer. "I mean kind of. Like he doesn't cheat on me and say hurtful things if we argue, or leave." I said truthfully. He licked his lips and nodded. "Well then you found Mr. Perfect. You don't gotta fix shit wit me." He began to walk off and I felt a bridge of tears just break. I really need to stop crying. This nigga makes me so emotional.
"Jeremiah come back. I love you. Like you don't know how hard it is to see you and act like I'm okay with you not talking to me. See you with all these other bitches." "See that's where you're wrong. I know exactly how it feels to watch the love of your life be with someone else. I know the exact pain you feel when the person you wanna talk to the most can't stand the sight of you. The nights where you can't sleep because your mind is clouded with thoughts of 'what if'. See everything you're feeling Keilani I felt it, I probably felt it worse. Hell I'm feeling it right now. You say my problem is the fact that i run when it gets hard, well your problem is how selfish you are. You aren't the only one goes through shit. Maybe if you wasn't so wrapped up in your own fucking world you'd realize other peoples feelings too and we wouldn't be here right now." He said. I couldn't do anything except take in everything he said.
I sighed. "I love Kyle with every part of me. But I also love you too with every last bone, fiber, vein, artery, muscle, tendon, joint, vessel, capillary, tissue, nerve, and neuron in my body. I love you with absolutely all of me, I want my best friend back... I need.. my best friend back. I don't function the same without you. I hate that we are on a rollercoaster of pain that we continue to ride because we love each other. You know you miss me. I know I miss you. I look at my phone and it's a struggle to not call or text you. I WANT AND I NEED YOU BACK IN MY LIFE JEREMIAH RAYMOND GREENE. I'm sorry. I know that I messed up... believe me... I know. But you can't make it seem like me cheating once... is a whole lot worse than you cheating SEVERAL times. Every time you cheated I accepted you with open arms. Yet the one time I cheat it's like WW3 broke out ?! That's completely unfair. You owe me an apology just as heartfelt as the one I'm giving you right now. Sometimes I think you're gonna come running back because you still love me, but when you don't talk to me I think otherwise." "Why I gotta come running back ?" He said.
I started crying uncontrollably at this point. I felt arms wrap around me and it's the safest I've felt in so long. I missed his touch, his sent, his warmth, his body. "I've missed you too." He started. "But... there just can't be an us right now." I stopped crying and backed away from his embrace. "What do you mean." "Keilani let's lay out the facts. For starters, I killed your brother and I'm still walking the streets. I'm a murderer for crying out loud. There is literally no coming back from that. I'm not the same Jeremiah I was." "Yeah but that's old news, you did it to protect me."
"And look where we are now. I can protect you from everything but myself. Since that moment happened I knew nothin would be the same between us. Ever since he died we have been on a rocky road. Your moods have been up and down. High ta low, sad ta happy, and it's all because of me. I hurt you and you hurt me, we hurt each other. What the fuck is that ? That's what you want ? This is what you wanna fix ? You wanna continue to have a life of pain ? Like come on, see what I see. We are toxic Keilani... toxic. I feel like we Dre and Nyema but worse."
"I'm not good for you and you're not good for me. Kyle though.. Kyle is good for you. Y'all balance each other out. I love you to the moon and back, but a relationship between us will not happen. Maybe a friendship in the long run, but as of now, nothing. I just want you happy but when I said I was done I really meant it. I refuse to be hurt and keep hurting you." He walked closer to me and hugged me again and kissed my forehead. I don't know what made me sad the most. The fact that I lost him, or the fact that he was right. He wiped my tears and walked off and as he walked off the bell rang and the hall way flooded with students and I realized I didn't even eat my lunch. I put it back in my locker and went to my last period. Thank God this is the last day before break.
