You Just Don't Know

Beautiful Lair part I

The car ride was awkward to say the least. Pete and Ae were giving each other looks and Good was fidgeting with everything near him. From school to Good’s house takes 20 minutes, but it felt like a hour. Good got out, turned around to say something, but instead he just waved to them and went inside. Instead of going straight to Can house, Pete drove to a park near to it. “Can I ask you something?” Pete looked at Can through the rearview mirror. “Do you dislike gay people? Is that why you got angry?” Can looked back at Pete “I don’t hate gay people. I don’t care who people love. Why I got angry was because he took away my first kiss. I think a first kiss should be special. And he acted like it was nothing.” Now that he was talking about, he felt that he had to get it all off his chest. Can looked outside the window afraid of Pete or Ae reaction. “The shame that I felt then and now is because it wasn’t mutual. It was forced. Also I couldn’t remember anything about what happened between me and Tin. It was like it happened to me at that moment. I shouldn’t have said those thing. I shouldn’t have punched him. But I felt powerless and ignored. Everytime Good and me would have lunch with Ping and Mia I would see him. He would walk away, but I didn’t remember him.” Can hesitated, but Pete and Ae just waited to hear him out. “When I knocked out I dreamed about Tin, we kissed again. It was amazing, I felt happy in my dream, but now that I know what happened it makes the dream feel tainted.”

Ae cleared his throat. “Do you think that you have falling for Tin?” Can finally looked at them. They both looked worried for him. He felt happy and relieved that they didn’t look disgusted. “I think so, I really don’t know. I’ve never been in love really. What I felt for Tin in my dreams and Tin in real live are not the same. So I don’t know what I feel anymore. When I think of Ping I feel guilty, because I don’t know what I feel for her. I don’t know if I like them or if I just forced myself to like them” Can was again in tears, this time is was of frustration and something that felt like the loss of someone dear. He was shocked by the feeling, because he and Tin weren’t in a relationship. “I understand what your feeling right now. You gave your heart away only to find out that you actually don’t really know the person. And everything you thought and felt were not taken serious. You feel lied to and taken for granted, but don’t worry Can, you already someone to love and you have great friends. It hurts now but it will go away. You just have to figure who you like.” Pete gave Can a smile. “Did I really give my heart to Tin?” Can wasn’t sure about this. He was too confused.

“Thank you for listening to me without judging. I’ll want clear my head some more, so I’ll walk home from here. I’ll see you guys later.” Can opened the door. “Can, if you need to talk, we’re here for you. Just let us know.” Can smiled at Ae and Pete. “Thanks again, bye” He walked away before he turned the corner he turn and waived. The didn’t see him because Pete and Ae were hugging. He turned around when their heads come closer together. For some reason he knew that they were a item, they been so close the last few weeks, that he wasn’t shocked. He was jealous since they knew their own feelings. When he arrived in front of his gate, he saw Tin’s car parked there. His heart started to beat faster. Tin got out off his car. His face was blank but Can could see his eyes looking anywhere but at Can. “Why are you here and what do you want.” Can couldn’t come closer. He now knew for sure he was in love with Tin, because with Ping his heart never beats so fast. But he still didn’t know which one; the dream or reality. Tin was trying to look composed, but his mouth was dry and he felt like he was going to throw up. “I… I want you to apologise to me. You didn’t have to punch me.” ‘No, no stupid!! This is not what I want to say’ Tin wanted to slap himself, but it was too late. Can wasn’t impressed he could see that Tin was nervous and that he was lying. “You kissed me without my consent and I punched you. Let’s say we’re even.” Can felt like dying, he wanted to tell Tin what he was feeling, but with Tin acting so cold, he lost his nerves. “It was just a joke. You won’t die of a kiss. I didn’t know kissing was so important to you.” Tin wanted to slap his mouth. His mouth and brains were not working together. ‘I’m sorry Can, I didn’t know that it was your first kiss. I like you I want get to know you better! Why can’t I say that.’ Tin hadden cried in years, but now he wanted to cry of frustration. Can was slowly getting angry. “For you it means nothing, alright I understand now.” He walked passed Tin and opened the gate. It took enormous amount to close the gate. He walked inside, nobody was home, so he walked straight to his room. He stood in the middle of his room looking outside. He could see Tin’s car, but no Tin. He wanted to move close, but was scared that if Tin looked up he would see him.