Secrets and Advantages

Lonely

(A/N: the song for this chapter is Sorry by Buck Cherry. It's based on what Marcella feels in this chapter... And what I feel as of right now)

I guess Michael had carried me to my bed when I had fallen asleep because when I woke up the next morning, I was in my bed. But it was like how I didn't want it to be. He was gone. I had searched the whole upstairs and downstairs but he wasn't there and I had called his name a few times but didn't get a reply. So much for not dreaming to wake up to anything else. Great, just great.

There was a mix of feelings inside me. One of anger, one of sadness, and more. But the worst one was loneliness. I've felt it before, many times, but this, this time it hurt really bad. Worse than ever before. This feeling made me feel numb. Needing some place to sit down, the closest place were the stairs so I sat there and hugged myself with the feeling of numbness and the only thing I actually could feel were the tears rolling down my face but that was only faint as well. I had lost him, for the second time I had lost him.

I sat there for at least an hour, crying with myself. I somehow managed to get up off the stairs and find the strength and walk up the stairs to call Luke. "Hello?" Ashton answered "hey Ash, I really don't have the humor to ask why you somehow have Luke's phone but I really need to talk to someone right now" I said "well one, I have his phone because he's asleep, two, why the hell haven't you called, we've been waiting for what seems like ages! And three, what's up?" Ashton replied sympathetically? "Thanks Irwin. Uh, where's Michael? Do you know?" I asked biting my fingernail "urm... We weren't aloud to tell you" he sounded more guessing than sure "you know, you really aren't good at keeping secrets" I stated "I'm being honest" "how do you know if I know where he is already or not?" I asked "becauseeee..." "Haha, very funny Irwin. That isn't an answer. Now, tell me, where's Clifford?" I demanded "why don't you tell me where he is first if you already know?" Ashton raised his voice at me a little "fine. He was here for the past couple of days.. Some things happened and we kinda had a thing going on for, as I said, two days. He showed up three days ago at our hiding place when I was trying to commit suicide but now he's gone. He left this morning and I have no clue where he went or what he's doing because he hasn't came back in a few hours" I explained the whole thing to him "well.. One, YOU TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE?!?! And two, I'm killing Clifford's ass the next time I see him and you best believe. And finally three,.... I don't have a three because I honestly don't know where he is. Sorry love" I could sense the upsettingness in his voice "oh. Wel-" "lemme talk to her" I heard a tired Luke telling Ashton in the background "I gotta go but I'll talk to you later. I love you babe, bye" I returned his goodbyes and Luke came on the phone. "Hey, I have a fe-" "Ashton already had this talk with me, but thanks for wondering I guess" I sighed and Luke did to

"Well Marcella, all of the rest of us are stuck here.. We don't know how to help you at this point because we honestly don't know yours and Michaels past, we don't know what all he's helped you through, we don't know anything" Luke informed me after a while of talking "well Luke, could you just please tell me where he is?" I asked and Luke let out a big breath "Marc, Imma let you in on a secret that you won't want to hear.. But you asked so that's why I'm telling you even though Michael told me not to tell anyone" he waited a few seconds but I didn't say anything to let him know he should go on "well?!" I urged impatiently and heard him let out another huge sigh "this isn't easy for me to tell you this because I know it's gonna hurt you but Michael... Michael went back to Steffany. He told me everything that happened in the past couple of days because he knew that if he had told Ashton then he'd get his ass chewed and if he told Calum then Calum wouldn't know what to do so he was stuck with me and he had to tell somebody" I was... I don't know how I felt.. I didn't know how to feel "th-thanks Luke, I'll, I'll call you la-later" I said as I slid down the wall "don't do anything stupid Marce-" I hung up. I had nothing left and I needed something, someone. But who? Luke, Ash, and Cal were half way across the world and Michael... I couldn't even look at him or even speak his name right now much less think about him. So there was nothing. I have nothing.