Secrets and Advantages

New Things and Truths (Pt. 2)

(Four Weeks Later)

Michaels P.O.V

So I get that everyone thinks I'm such a bad person these days since they think I don't care about Marcella and that my whole life is absorbed in Steffany but the truth is.. is that I honestly still care about Marcella, I just don't want anyone to see that. That is a dick move to just act like I don't care but I really do, I know, but I think it's for the better. I mean, if I didn't act like I do now then everyone would think I'm obsessive over her and she'd think that I was so clingy, and nobody wants their best friend to think that or to loose their best friend. And besides, Steffany, she isn't totally like Marcella but everyone has their flaws. I love her and she loves me, she likes it when I spoil her and I like that she likes it, I mean, what girl doesn't like to get spoiled? Nevermind, I can't ask that.. Marcella was always stubborn and never liked to be spoiled mainly because she didn't think she deserved it and she didn't want anyone to waste money on her. It hurts to think about her because I know I have hurt her mentally and I can't do anything to fix that.. dammit, why do I ruin everything, why do all of my plans get fucked up?, why am I even thinking about her?, why am I even still alive??! I shook my head to try to clear out my thoughts, I guess it was good that I was alone right now.. I needed my space. I mean, it's cool for guys to have their own space isn't it? I don't know, I'm just so confused with life right now. I honestly don't know the last time I looked at her face.. like actually looked at her, her face, took in every single beautiful feature that she thinks she doesn't have. I need to find her and tell her that I need her to save me from this hell I'm bringing myself into. I shouldn't have brought myself into this, I should have told her how I felt in the first place just to get over with. "DAMMIT MICHAEL, GET OVER IT!" I yelled out and nearly pulled my hair out. I kept quiet for a few seconds to make sure nobody heard and when I was sure nobody had heard I turned over and screamed into my pillow. 'Get a hold of yourself Michael, you're acting like a 5 year old having a fucking tantrum' I heard Marcella tell me 'I can't! I'm going completly mad without you, why do I have to be so stupid?' I mentally asked 'shhhh, you aren't stupid and never will be. Don't think that, just wait a few more months and we'll be able to see each other again' I looked up and I kidd you not that I saw her sitting right in front of me. She picked up her left hand a ran it through my hair soothingly to try and calm me down so I flipped on to my back "why? I mean, how? How can you get through this? How are you possibly able to get through this?" I asked her "you just have to believe that you can Michael, just don't think about me to much" "that isn't possible, I live and breath just thinking about you and I can't stop.. dammit Marcella, I'm in love with you" I confessed and I felt a tear run down my face "just wait a few more months and everything will be back to normal, I promise" she calmly stated "how can you be so sure?" I asked and wiped my face with my hand "nevermind, you're just a hallucination that I need to get out of my head" I sat up and shook my head again, trying to clear it of the hallucination and everything else away. "Mike, are you okay?" someone asked and knocked on the bedroom door "yeah, I'm fine" I tried to say but my voice cracked and I mentally hit myself "no you aren't, can I come in?" Luke asked. I collapsed back on my bed "sure" I answered and he came in "what's wrong?" he sighed as he sat down on the bed next to me "nothing, just- nothing" I said kind of unsure and rubbed my temples "Michael, I've been one of your close mates for over a year now and I admit that you have done some dumb shit and made dumb choices but the most thing that I want you to know is that I don't have to be a close friend to know if you're lying or not" he smiled "I am so glad you think this is funny Luke" I stated scarcastically "but I'm being serious Michael, you can talk to me. Come on, tell me what is going on in that pizza gaming brain of yours" he said and rustled my hair and I looked at him seriously, the only reason why he calls me that- the only reason anyone calls me that is because it's the nick-name Marcella gave me when I was five and she was three because that was the time around when I had figured out that I loved to game and eat pizza. "Oh, sorry" Luke realized "don't be. I'm sorry. I've been such a dick to everyone.. I want everyone to stop acting like Marcella is dead around me. Y'all don't talk about her around me because I lashed out on Ashton for saying her name" I sat up and moved to where I was sitting beside Luke and put my head in my hands "Luke, I can't keep living like this.. this monster I've become. I don't know how to get out of it and I know that right now I'm being totally truthful but I also know that when everyone else comes back around that I'll just start acting like the prick I've made myself" I confessed "Michael" Luke sighed and rubbed my back "it's not easy to control your feelings sometimes, I know that, but you've controlled your feelings but in the wrong way and you've lead those feelings and drug them in to the depths of hell that you're to scared to brake free from. You've controlled your feeling so much and so wrongly that they're starting to control the way you control them. Now that may not make since but you need to find a way to get a hold of your feelings again, scared or not, and you need to make everything right and get it back to the way it was." he calmly said and I looked up at him "so that means you have to make everything right with Marcella, you have to make everything right with the band, you HAVE TO make Steffany leave, and so on" he simply told me. "Michael guess what I saw while I we-" Steffany called but then paused when she saw Luke "oh, you're here" she stated in a not-so-nice tone "yep, and we are having a private conversation so see your way out of it before d jumps over e and f's you up like a g" Luke said to her with his eyebrows raised "uh, excuse me?! This is my hotel room, I can be in here if I wan-" that's all I heard her say before Luke slammed the door shut. "Michael, are you just gonna let him do this to me, the one you love?" she whined on the other side of the door "yeah, goodbye Steffany.. I told you that we're having a private conversation" Luke yelled and she stopped banging on the door and I heard her walk away.. probably to the kitchen or something. "So, we need to talk" he stated and looked at me "I just wish I could wake up with Amnesia so I can forget about all the stupid little things running in my head" I got louder as I went on with the sentence and fell back on to the bed with my hands covering my face "no, you don't mean that" Luke said "or at least you don't mean most of that" he corrected himself "no Luke, don't you think that this world would've been better if I weren't in it? Like the band, it doesn't need three guitarist, only two.. I would've been better if I wasn-" "don't you start doubting yourself Clifford just because most of the stuff in your life isn't going good now. Without you the band wouldn't be called Five Seconds Of Summer. Without you our music wouldn't be our music or sound like us. Without you, one-fourth of our fans wouldn't be our fans and they wouldn't like us because we wouldn't have a guy that died his hair wicked colors almost every month. and most of all if it wasn't for you then Marcella wouldn't be alive right now" Luke motioned his arms around as he said this "that's the thing, right now, she probably wishes she did kill herself three years ago, right now, she probably thinks I forgot about her. Right now, she probably regrets ever meeting me in the FIRST PLACE" I yelled "see Michael, that's your problem. You let you imagination- your thoughts get to you- into your head and that is what you need to stop doing" Luke announced "that's the thing Luke, I don't know how" I was probably looking up at him with pleading eyes (A/N: EXTERNAL LINK IF YOU CAN!) "here's what you d-" "hey Mikey, are you almost done? I really want to tell you about this-" "how many damn times do I have to tell you that we are talking before you actually listen to me?" Luke angrily asked Steffany when he opened the door "Mikey, did you hear that? The way he talked to me? And you aren't gonna do anything about it?" she cried out sounding like she was literally about to cry which triggered something in me. I stood up and grabbed the back of Lukes shirt and dragged him past Steffany to the front door and threw him out "don't ever hurt my girl again!" I yelled at him and he almost looked terrifyed at me. I came to reality when I saw that look and made sure Steffany wasn't near 'help me' I pleadingly mouthed to Luke with a pleading look and he just rolled his eyes at me and walked to his room. I shut the door, locked it, turned around, walked to my room- "Michael, finally we're alo-" "I really don't feel like talking right now" I said and slammed the door shut and jumped on my bed in big need to be alone again and think things over.