Writings of a not so typical teenage girl

3

Everyday when I woke up, I was expecting my stutter to disappear. Everyone tried to reassure me it would go away as fast as it came. You can't always tell when something will end if you don't know how it began, now can you?

I kept looking up the topic of onset stuttering and there wasn't much to learn. What mainly came up was brain damage or tumors, very comforting I know.

One thing you might not think about when you hear a stutterer, is that it's extremely exhausting for them (at least in my case). Your body tenses up when you're trying to get your words out. At first, I would gasp for air after just a sentence. But what's worse than the physical struggles of stuttering is the mental ones.

First, one of the hardest things was talking to someone who already knows me. What I mean is, if the person knows I previously didn't stutter, it really confuses them. Some of them pretend not to notice, others immediately ask questions. Of course, I didn't have any real answers for them. Other than my two friends I've grown up with, Blake (who's a girl) and Reed, no one else was warned ahead of time. Of course, Lila knew, because she knew before anyone else did.

Then there's talking to strangers. A stranger isn't going to question why I stutter, but they definitely notice it. Although they notice, they try to act like they don't. I'm not an idiot; I know I sound different.

But, what probably gets me the most is the reaction of little kids. Unlike adults, they don't hide what they're thinking. With an innocent and confused look they ask, "why do you talk like that?" Or, " what's wrong with your voice?" I don't know why, but I find that they're always the hardest to answer.

There's also the people who mock me, which for a little while was my own dad and brother. When I got upset at my brother he would always say, "Sorry, I'm not used to you talking like that." That's usually why people judge something, because it's different.

People are sometimes scared of the unusual, they don't know how to react. I don't blame them, I wouldn't know how to react to myself either.

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