I'll Be Okay - Peter Maximoff & David Haller

Is this the Right Mountain?

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This chapter has been my mood for the past year and a half, I decided It was better for me to write it all down.
Word count: 3695
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           He woke in a daze, his mind foggy. He felt like his entire body was muffled, shut out from the rest of the world. Locked in some internal cage, with no control over his movements, or his  decisions. He felt somewhat at peace next to this panic, he knows he shouldn't, but those days when they were torturing him left him hollow and ashamed, broken down and weak. He gave into feeling the internal suffocation, because it was the easiest thing to cling onto without the existential dread coming from his thoughts. Stryker was breaking him as the hours flew by, he wanted to resist, but there was no strength left in him after two hours of constant blows to the head, stomach and wherever else they felt he would feel in due time.

          Even though it had been mere hours, Peter felt like he was so close to throwing in the towel, and letting them kill him. They always left him on the edge, just a sliver away from the external bliss like he so desperately wanted, but never giving him that satisfaction, which was getting incredibly depressing to say the least. He learned the basic rules within the few hours of being inside his cell, he was bound to eventually but, don't think he never put up a fight, he always did, it just lessened more and more after he realized that he was completely fucked. He wasn't leaving this place. This was home until he could find something to kill himself with. He missed his mom, and his little sister and quite surprisingly, his father. He was thinking about him a lot, more than he previously thought he would. He never thought about the man this much in his entire life, but now, he was always present.

           Ashamedly, he was silently praying that they would come for him, that they could realize just how long Peter was gone and search for him, but he reminded himself of the conflict he left behind at the mansion, how they witnessed his post-suicide attempt behavior, and his mangled wrists, along with his deepest insecurities. He lost his dignity that day, along with his respect for the professor. He thought maybe he'd spare him, not let Erik see what he was truly going through. But he was wrong, so very wrong. It was almost as if Charles was against him completely now, or at least, that's what his mind convinced him. Despite his rational reasoning,  Peter was starting to hate him, along with the other X-Men who happened to witness him in such a state, which meant that it was all the more easier for William to break him down and turn him against his family.

           He had absolutely no control over his body after the fourth hour, when they whipped him until he bled heavily, water boarded him until he almost drowned, starved him of nutrients for hours on end trying to train his body to ask for everything, and slowly but surely, he gradually  learned that he didn't deserve food, I mean, he had that mindset to begin with but now someone was confirming it for him, making sure he really understood. William filled his head with so many negative aspects about himself he didn't even think about that even when he was in his cell, all his thoughts were literally turning to destroy him from within. When he finally slept inside of his mind, he was scared. 

            Peter really felt like he disliked almost everybody in the mansion, but he knows he would care if they got hurt. The worst part of it all, is that William knows this now, and makes him aware of what he's about to do, all the guilt and shame that will bubble up once he's done with him, once he had magneto and all the other kids to experiment on. 

            When that day finally came, when he was allowed him to leave Alkali lake, he sped to the mansion with two others in his hand. As he did so, he had no thoughts running through him, just pure, sick panic. He could feel the spider in his chest, clawing its way through but he felt trapped inside his own body, aware of what he was doing, of who he was going to fight, but no matter what he willed himself to do, his body would not cooperate.