Don't regret. (Finished)

It's not a "could".

Jack's POV

Rye's words not only cause an uncontrollable desire to hit him, they also cause a knot to form in my throat. I can't believe that all this time "randy" was real, I mean, there were many signs but I would have bet anything that they were not together and now they tell me this, right now when all I want to do is lock myself in my room and never leave again. I can't believe that Brook and I have been so careless, last night I didn't think things clearly, I didn't think about the possibility that someone would see us and that everything could be ruined.

Everything could be ruined.
I repeat in my head a couple of times and I realize something I hadn't thought until now. What Brook and I do or what Rye and Andy do is going to ruin everything, it's not a "could" because even though Blair was tough on his words, all he has is reason. Brook and I was never a possibility, I don't know why I let this go so far, I'm an idiot. I don't know how I could believe it would work, I should have stopped Brook the day we kissed, I should have thought about the consequences. I hate myself for having given in to something without a future, something that would ruin our future.

I lie on the bed while I keep thinking of all the bad things I did at this time when I hear the door opening. It's Brook. He enter in my room and close the door behind him. I sit on the bed without looking at him and wait for him to approach me. I know what is going to happen now, I know what I have to do, however difficult it may be, even if I don't want it.
"Brook" "Jack" we say both at the same time. "You first" Brook tells me. Why does this sound like a damn movie?
"Blair is right" is the only thing I say.
"What?" This time Brook turns around and confronts me so I look at him. "No, he doesn't. We can make it work, if Andy and Rye can us too" He discusses me.

"But I don't want to test if it works because if it doesn't work it's all over Brook, the band, us, everything. I'm not willing to lose everything for this"
My words contract in my chest with pain, I can't believe what I just said but I won't regret it because the band is first. Neither Brook nor anyone is going to ruin one of my biggest dreams.
"So that's it? It doesn't matter all this time we were together, our afternoons, our nights, our mornings ... what happened last night doesn't matter? "I can feel Brook's voice breaking more and more and it destroying my heart but I can't allow this to continue.

"I'm sorry" is the only thing I can say.
We were in silent for a long time, just sitting next to each other, I don't know what to say or what to do until brook speaks again.
"You said that if we continued with this and it didn't work what we have was going to end ... but it's ending now" his voice is barely a whisper and I can feel his gaze on the side of my face but I don't look at him as I answer.
"I can't let more things end" and I decide to look at him, we look directly into each other's eyes for five seconds before a tear falls from one of Brook's eyes.
"Last night when you told me you loved me, was true?" He asks me.

"Yes ... I love you Brooklyn but you have to understand that this can't be, that we are together only will ruin things. I already thought about it and I already decided it and anyway you already heard what Blair said "
"But I want to hear what you say" she wipes the tear from her eye and keeps talking. "Is this really what you want?"
"Yes, Brook. I'm scared... I'm afraid of destroying my future, I'm afraid of losing you or the boys" I tell him with all the tranquility I have.
"But you're already losing me..."
"That's not true... we can overcome this, we have to overcome it. We are much stronger than anything in the world"

"Jack ... I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it, I don't know if you even realize what you're doing right now. You're absolutely throwing everything in the trash as if it wasn't worth.... Jack I'm completely in love with you and I'm going to do whatever you want but you can't leave me for this, we don't even really start, we have a lifetime to make it work and I know it's going to work because I love you and you love me and that's enough"
"Brook please seriously do you think that's enough? ... Love is never enough ... I'm sorry but I can't, I can't do it, I can't be with you and I don't think I can ever be with you but I want to continue being your friend, because you are the best I have and I really don't want to lose you.

He closes his eyes for a few seconds and then just gets up and starts walking towards the door, before leaving he turns around and says.
"I don't want to be your friend Jack, not after everything we've spent together" and with that he leaves the room and disappears down the hall. He disappears and I'm afraid it will not appear again.
Brook's POV
I walk into my room and as soon as I close the door I feel my eyes fill with tears, that was all. So simple jack got rid of me, as if I were nobody, as if we hadn't made love a few hours ago, as if he hadn't told me how much he loved me, as if nothing had happened.

I would like to be him to stop feeling what I feel at this moment, this horrible feeling in my chest. I lie down in my bed and I start to cry without intentions to stop, I feel like my pillow gets wet with my tears more and more until I no longer feel anything and I fall into a deep sleep where Jack and I are a possibility.