Air Catcher

Sundays are My Suicide Days

Tyler's pov

"Hey." Alyx sounded exhausted. I couldn't blame her; it was nearly two am.

"I'm sorry for keeping you up like this." I felt horrible about it, and that was on top of everything else.

"It's OK. The day you need someone and don't call me is the day we have a problem." She said into her phone, yawning.

"Have you ever been to Disney?" I asked.

"That's rand- right. Distraction. Yeah, yeah I have."

"Tell me about it." I had heard her Disney stories before, but anything was better than silence when I had one of these days and I liked imagining her as a little girl with Minnie Mouse ears running around Main Street.

"Alright." I could hear her smile through her voice. It lifted my drowning spirits a little.

She told me about how she complained to her mom when she was about four because she didn't remember Disneyland. She was too young. Her mom loved Disney and agreed to bring her for a few days. They met all the princesses they could, but avoided the roller coasters because Alyx was terrified of them.

"Are you still scared of them?"

"Not so much scared, I just have a feeling I won't like them, so I avoid them." She explained.

"I could get you to ride one with me." I felt myself just barely smile.

"Bet." Alyx laughed. "Although I should try more." She added.

"OK, we'll go to Six Flags and I'll make you try a couple."

"Only if you come to the Panic! concert with us." She bargained.

I sighed. "Alright."

She went quiet for a minute. "I know I shouldn't ask but... how bad is it?"

"Worse than normal." I rubbed my forehead. "I can't get rid of my thoughts and I'm scared of being alone. Sundays are always the worst."

She knew not to say sorry, she knew it wouldn't change anything. It was hard for anything to make a difference, but every once in a while someone would come along who would help. You just had to hope they stuck around long enough to make it count.

"I won't hang up until you fall asleep." She promised.

"That might be a while." I warned.

"That's alright."

"Thanks. I-" the words caught in my throat. "Thanks."

"Of course. I've got one more question I'm a little scared to ask.... What did your mom say last night?"

I sighed. "She's worried about me. She knows how my head hates me of course, but she doesn't know how bad it is. She's scared getting involved with someone will make it worse, or better temporarily and then absolutely horrible."

"Oh."

"It kind of makes sense." I paused. "But I'm willing to take the risk."

"Are you sure?" She asked, her voice quiet and worried.

"Positive." I nodded, though she couldn't see me.

"You're amazing, Tyler."

"No I'm not." I argued.

"Yes, you are. You're talented and funny. You care so deeply about the things that are important to you, and heaven knows you're so much stronger than me. If I had to deal with what you deal with everyday I don't think I'd still be here."

"Yes you would. I wouldn't let you leave." I told her.

"See? I told you you're amazing."

She was the amazing one. She made me feel good about myself in a way no one else could. I loved her for it, but I was too scared to tell her. Giving someone the tools to destroy you was a scary thing.

She kept her word and talked to me about everything under the sky until finally my body shut down and I fell asleep. It would be a hard week at school for both of us.