Air Catcher

Words As Tools That Can Destroy My Heart

Tyler's pov

The next week was the longest of the year. I spent most of my time at game working on a song I had been writing since the beginning of the school year, soon after I met Alyx. I was never able to come up with an end for it, but as Friday got closer I finally finished it. I wanted to meet up with Josh and record it, but for now that would have to wait. Besides, the poor guy had been on his drums constantly to help me finish Car Radio, Fall Away, Taxi Cab, Addict With a Pen, and Fake You Out. I had been with music busy in the past month.

Friday morning I woke up fidgety and nervous. I was slow getting ready for school and was glad when I was fifteen minutes late. My mind was everywhere but school. And there was a tune floating around the chaos all day.

Alyx's pov

My head was a mess. I was rethinking everything I had said in the past month, everything I had done. The voice in the back of my mind that said everything I was doing was wrong was getting louder. I pushed it as far away as I could, to the dark corner of my mind I didn't like to go to. But that didn't stop me thinking about Tyler's request.

He hadn't talked to me since last week; I assumed he was trying to give me room, but it wasn't helping much since he would still glance at me all through English everyday. I had no idea whether I would go to the library that afternoon, and I didn't know if I would decided before I left school. Part of me wanted to, wanted to badly. But the other part of me argued that I knew what he was going to do, and I couldn't let him. So the other side told me I'd be glad if he did. Everything would be better that way. But then what had I been strong for this whole month? If I went I was sure I'd give in, and I couldn't throw away the splinter of emotional stability I had earned back.

It was settled. I wouldn't go. I couldn't handle it.

My resolve was firm until last period. When I had ten minutes before school was over a tiny, scared voice in that dark part of my mind asked, 'Why not? Why not give him a chance?'

I tried as hard as I could to quiet the voice. I turned my music up louder, I argued with myself, I reasoned, I scratched my arms viciously, but it wouldn't leave. Instead, it got louder and louder. And, when it felt me weakening, it changed.

'Give him a chance. Give us a chance.'

I walked to my car still fighting myself. When I sat down I cursed and made up my mind. My drive consisted of questioning my decision and trying to keep my eyes on the road at the same time. I had turned the volume up all the way, and sang along in an attempt to make myself stop thinking. I parked and got out of the car, walking slowly.

The library looked a lot more intimidating today than it ever had before. I walked behind the building, ready to pace the crap out of the concrete, but someone was already doing that for me. I froze. I wasn't ready. I shouldn't be here. I spun around and walked back to my car before Tyler could see me.

I pulled out of the library and drove all the way home before my guilt got the better of me. I grabbed my phone.

'Hey, I can't make it there now, but I'll go to the library at 6:30. Sorry.'

'You're coming?' He responded almost immediately.

I yelled at myself, asking why I was doing this. 'Yeah, I am.'

I got out of my car and went to take a nap, but ended up rolling around my bed for two hours before getting up to leave again. I was scared again. Scared like I hadn't been since I asked Tyler out for the first time.

The sun was getting ready to set as I pulled into the parking lot again and sat for a minute, working up my courage. It took my longer than I expected to drag myself out of the car and back to the back of the library.

Tyler was right where I had left him, pacing back and forth in front of a bench, muttering to himself. I walked up to him slowly. He didn't notice until I was almost to him.

"Hey," I said softly.

His head snapped up. "You came."

"I said I would." I shrugged.

He nodded. "Let's, uh, let's walk."

I laughed inwardly. It was ironic how much of this I had lived before, in reverse.

We walked until we reached a grassy spot a little ways from the library. Tyler stopped and turned to face me.

"I... I wrote another song."

I didn't know what to say.

"Can I... can I sing it for you?"

"That's it? You wanted to show me a new song?" I was surprised when I realized I was disappointed.

"Yeah," His voice was small.

"No, I- I didn't mean that like a bad thing. Of course, I would love to hear it." I felt horrible.

Tyler nodded and looked at the ground. Shuffled his feet. Took a deep breath. Straightened his spine and glanced up at me only to look back down.

His voice started out quiet and awkward. Maybe even scared. Definitely scared. "I don't fall slow like I used to, I fall straight down."

I had forgotten how much I loved his voice.

"You've stolen my air catcher that kept me safe and sound. My parachute's what got me safely to ground. But now the cord's not working," He looked me in the eyes for the first time that night.

"And I see you staring me down." He took a deep breath and sang a little louder. "I won't fall in love with falling; I will try to avoid those eyes."

I stood, breathless. Even with just his voice alone he was so passionate about his music. He was amazing at creating it and amazing at performing it. Even if he was nervous. Tears pricked my eyes. I missed him.

"I think you would beat the moon in a pretty contest." He looked up and smiled a little. "And the room just happens to be the very first thing that I miss." His eyes turned back to the ground. "I was doing fine on my own and there want much I lack. But you've stolen my air catcher," He looked at me again and my heart squeezed. "And I don't know if I want it back."

I pressed my hand to my chest and smiled. Why had I ever tried to push him away?

"I won't fall in love with falling; I will try to avoid those eyes." His voice swelled and I let out a small gasp. "Cause I'm not sure I want to give you tools thug can destroy my heart." He took a deep breath and paused for a moment. Tears slid down my cheeks.

"And I just don't say," His voice broke. "what you want to hear, so I'll write my fear." He quieted. "And I don't believe in talking just to breathe, and falling selfishly." He had tears in his eyes.

He reached out slowly and took my hand, giving me a chance to pull away. A chance I didn't take. After another pause his voice took on a new tone, solemn, slow and serious.

"I won't fall in love with falling. I will try to avoid those eyes." A shaky breath. He lifted his eyes to meet mine. "But now I'm here to give you words as tools that can destroy my heart." By the end his voice was almost a whisper.

I let out a breath. He took one in, not breaking eye contact. We were trapped there. Trapped until, in a quiet but sure voice he gained the courage to say what he needed to.

"I love you."

Another breath escaped me, enough so that I had to gasp for air before I could assure him, "I love you too."

He pulled me into a hug that said he would never let me go.

yaaaay!! A happy ending!!!