Hatred. (A Larry Stylinson Fan Fiction)

Chapter 14

Chapter 14 - Realisations (Harry's POV)

Harry’s POV

As I dragged Louis into my bedroom for the night, I had realized what I had done. I had told the person I feared the most something that could potentially ruin me. I knew I was gay since I was a kid. It wasn’t something new to me, and no amount of beatings could pound it out of me. I would say it started when I met David. He was so sweet and kind and a really good friend. One night he slept over and I kissed him on my bed. He didn’t protest and I felt accepted. Like someone actually cared about me. Eventually, the control went to my head and I did very mean things to David. Spankings or even forcing him to have sex with me made the top of the list. I tried to own him, making sure that the only person who understood me stayed with me. I couldn’t afford to be alone again.

After a couple months of me owning David, he broke it off, leaving me alone and upset. I became someone I didn’t know. Anyone who was involved with David became my enemy. I would beat people up and partake in as many anti-gay rights walks or protests that I could. I was ashamed with myself. I know no one would love me if they found out the truth.

I stayed quiet about my sexuality for a long time, until I met Louis. He was formal, proper and an all-around nice guy. As I continued to see him around campus, my need to see him became stronger and I lashed out, blaming my attraction on him. I beat him down that day in the locker room because I was scared I would become like him. The punch I threw at him hurt me just as much emotionally.

When my lust for him became too much, I resorted into old tactics. I feared rejection and I knew that if I forced him to have sex with me he wouldn’t be able to protest. He had never done anything to me, but I knew I wanted him more than anyone else.

After I was finished with him, my lust increased instead of went away. I wanted to see him more and more, and the only way I could do that was to hurt him. It became too much for me to handle and I broke down in front of him and my ex. This was not me; I knew I was someone different. Everyone thought I was the perfect son, the perfect student and I used it to get what I wanted. I hated myself for it, but I couldn’t stop.

When Louis finally admitted he liked me too, I stopped trying to fulfil only my wants. All I wanted to do was make him happy. I tried as hard as I could and fought my personal lust for him to make him happy with me. It eventually led to us going to the bath house that night and me admitting to my father that I was in fact, not his idea of perfect. I felt strong inside, but I knew something was missing in my life still. I needed to figure that out before I hurt the person that mattered most to me.