from afar. | takata mashiho

✦ for only you

having a second voice in my head is kinda scary. well, not for me. for the other person; their thoughts i can hear. i can't imagine how freaked out she would be if she found out that i could hear her thinking. does this count as an invasion of privacy? i mean, it's involuntary, i don't actively try to listen in to her brain. i don't have a say in when they come about. so i guess it isn't an invasion of privacy? what if the thoughts take a deep turn? am i supposed to find their owner? how am i supposed to? i should probably tell someone about this.

✦ ༺━━━━༻ ✧

haruto's growing up. well, at least that's what i've gathered from the past few weeks. it's like the month of march is the trigger of his metamorphosis. he's been hanging out with yuri a lot more. i'm so proud of him! meanwhile, i've been here, sitting, and drowning in the pool of someone else's conscience. i want to find her. i really do. but she could be forever away. i'd be lucky to find out she lived in daegu. but let's say she lived in jeju island. i couldn't go alone, could i? it'd be a bit boring to do so, wouldn't it? i'll ask haruto. but that means that i'll have to tell him why. why i've been acting so strange.

"haruto! what's with the outfit?" he walks down from his room dressed slightly better than usual. a smile grows on his face, slowly turning into that of a creep's. "don't smile like that. it'll scare the poor girl off."
"oops. i'll try not to."
"yeah."
"but i'm not going to see yuri. not today at least. she just told me to stop dressing like i was a soundcloud rapper."
"i stand by her opinion. i like her. keep her. she's an intellectual."
"haha, yeah she really is." he's never told me if they're actually seeing each other. they could just be really good friends for all i know. he finally plonks himself down beside me and turns on the television. he switches the channel over and over again until he finally settles on the one we started with. "i need to tell you something."
"yeah? don't confess your love for me, mashiho. not now."
"no way. i'm too good for you."
"pfft. funny."
"okay! to the point. you know how i've been acting strange recently?"
"yeah..."
"i'm gonna tell you why, but you're probably not going to believe me."
"you. are. confessing. your. love?"
"i thought i made that clear."
"just checking?"
"anyways, i get this voice in my head, randomly. and it spits out random – really random – thoughts."
"are you going crazy?"
"yes." silence, "and i need your help."

i gave him the details and i wouldn't be surprised if he didn't actually want to believe me. it is weird. it doesn't happen to everyone. but what if it happens to a select few? we're getting off topic. he says he'll help me. but we both don't know where to start. "okay. so you've listed down each thought so far, right? maybe we can gather where she has been – where she is now – from them?"
"wow for once you are actually helpful, haruto."
"thanks." hello, hello! if i was a fish cake and i was starving, would i be tempted enough to eat myself?
"fish cakes."
"excuse me?"
"the next thought. let's go to every fish cake cart in seoul."
"you are crazy."
"i thought i made that clear too."
"let's go." he runs to the fridge and downs a bottle of banana milk.
"bro i'm still in my pyjamas."
"just grab some of my rapper clothes." i quickly stumble up the stairs and dive into the world of soundcloud. amazed, i put on this alter ego and walk smugly down the stairs. "imma hit you with that four-five." i rap making a gun gesture with my hands and slam it against my neck.
"stop." he ain't impressed. he is embarrassed. he walks out the door with his head down. i laugh and follow behind him.

i want to find her. i have to find her. by white day. wouldn't that be nice? yes it would be, mashiho. in fourteen days i will find the voice. her voice.