from afar. | takata mashiho

✧ to hear

i wish that one day i would be able to share my mind with everyone because everyone is stupid nowadays. all people care about either regards appearance or regards status. like, who cares? we all are basically the same underneath that exterior in which we call skin – or in which others call plastic surgery, caked makeup and drama-inducing, annoying ass voices. i also just do not understand the notion of facial perfection. i totally get that people find other people attractive despite gender or sexual orientation or whatever people go off of these days. it's for the survival of our genetics, i know. i don't get one night stands or booty calls, you know, that stuff. sometimes – most of the time – people regret it, and that's what i'm afraid of. regretting my own decisions. so i just, close off and wait. but now, i'm tired of waiting.

✧ ༺━━━━༻ ✦

yuri's always been out lately. i don't know where she's been or why she's been gone for so long. so i've decided to find myself a hobby. i want to find something that i can finally indulge in for my own pleasure and not for the benefit of others. but, what would i be good at?

ooh, i know, staring contests. that makes me wonder, who holds the world record for the longest duration with eyes open? i transfer from my comfy bed to my desk chair and wheel myself over to my laptop. a few clicks on the keyboard and: one hour, five minutes and almost twelve seconds? maybe professional staring isn't for me.

how about pottery? i seem to be entranced each time i stumble upon a random vase making videos on instagram. but how much does clay and a pottery wheel cost? surely i'd need pottery lessons or like, a full on pottery course in order to be good at it. i feel if i was shitty at the art, i wouldn't enjoy it as much as anticipated. i'd probably just be fed up with myself. i know. real persistent of me. yay determination!

you know what? i'm hungry, i'm gonna cook. i'm gonna cook something other than eggs or instant ramen. but first, i should probably buy some groceries. i should also probably think of a back up plan if this doesn't go as planned. that'll come to me later. okay, to the supermarket we go!

i walk because it's better for my health (since all i eat has either msg or some other foreign ingredients that i don't even know how to pronounce). msg, the acronym for monosodium glutamate is generally safe for consumption. but because glutamic acid functions as a neurotransmitter in your brain, and sometimes overloads the brain with glutamate and over stimulates the nerve cells, msg is labeled as an excitotoxin. i know a lot of random facts. let's just say i know what i eat.

stacks and stacks of fruit and fresh produce are lined up in front of my eyes. it's almost mesmerising to think that people spend time building up these perfectly symmetrical structures of star fruit and sugar apples. and almost saddening to realise that at the end of the day people's pickiness would have perished them into pitiful pits.

so what am i cooking up today? i should've searched up some sort of recipe before coming down here. maybe meat sauce spaghetti? eomma always used to cook it for me when i was feeling down. it'd be sentimental for me to cook it myself. i just hope i won't mess it up. i grab each ingredient and chuck them into the basket clutched between my shivering hands. i pay and leave.

it just had to start raining. i run back into the store and search from an umbrella. right by the counter, a display of things to shield us from the rain. feeling successful, i purchase the item – don't steal kids – and walk out of the store. dry and happy. i'm too hungry. i don't think i can wait for pasta. i think i would explode! i desperately search around for somewhere to eat as i cross another block. i somehow ended up on a bus. wow. it looks as if these people actually check the weather before they leave the house. they're all bundled up as i contemplate where to hop off, the words 'noryangjin fish market' flash in front of my eyes. it's cheap enough, i guess. i spam the stop button.

it's still pouring. but i'm going inside to eat sannakji so it's okay. i'm hoping the rain will pass by the time i've finished eating. there's nowhere to stand my umbrella, and i don't want to be a nuisance and drag this wet thing inside. think think think! wait. these guys down here, they look like they're struggling. they're stuck with hats and measly hoods. "here. please take this. it looks like you'll both need it." time to go. my stomach grumbles louder than the bustling of the crowd in this market. i run inside. hello, hello! sometimes, i wish i was an octopus so i'd be able to slap multiple people at once. i'm gonna go eat some wriggly things! let's just hope i won't die.