from afar. | takata mashiho

✧ you are

as i have told myself on many occasions before, time and time again: i'm tired of waiting. i'm tired of waiting for yuri to call me and tell me she's gotten home safe, only to be disappointed by my empty call log. i'm tired of being overlooked. i'm sure at least one person in our galaxy feels the exact same. are you that person? or am i just jumping to conclusions? please, if there is a god out there: give me some closure! i'm always tired of waiting! and i don't even know the central reasoning behind it all!

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yuri
11:52pm

sori
where are you?

sori
you haven't been answering my calls!

sori
i'm getting worried yuri.
seen

✧ ༺━━━━༻ ✦

seen. wow. she hasn't even given me a reason as to why she's been gone all the time. i just need her to tell me so i don't have to sit here, anxious that she might be...i should stop thinking negatively. it's just that each day falls down the spiral of loneliness. it keeps going and going and sometimes it's scary to think that it may spiral out of control. it's hard, being me. an overthinker. an overthinking sliver of silence.

a knock pounds on my door. it makes me jump. the vibrations sent through the floor was probably the first thing that hit me. i'm absolutely paranoid that what is waiting on the other side of that plank of wood is a murderer. or maybe i ordered something online? but i never do that, i don't trust online stores. well, there's only one way to find out. "yuri?"
"i know. it's-"
"twelve in the morning!"
"it's important, i swear."
"i get that! but like, what if the neighbours file a noise complaint? you can't go knocking like that."
"that's what you're worried about?"
"at this point in time – yes!" she steps in and slides on her slippers. she keeps her own pair here. she also keeps a toothbrush here too. oh how i miss the days when we went to karaoke rooms when the neon signs were brighter than the stars, and when we stayed up until four in the morning to talk about all the dumb stuff people did or still do, and when we used to text each other about how the rain falling on our windows panes differed. they were just simple things that made my life – and hopefully, yuri's too – that teensy bit better.

"so, why exactly are you here? now?" i said, rubbing my eyes awake.
"you said you were worried about me."
"yeah, i am. but i'm also halfway through my journey in dreamland and that's kind of important to me too."
"shhh. you know how i've kinda been m.i.a for the past who-knows-how-long?"
"yes. and don't do it every again."
"i know. i'm gonna tell you why, but you're probably not going to believe me."
"tell me."
"i met a guy."
"excuse me?!"
"haruto. is his name."
"is he not korean?"
"japanese."
"figured. okay i forgive you, but you know how dark it gets when i'm isolated for too long, with my-"
"yes."
"anyways, spill, all the details. everything."

and she did. she repeatedly apologised. i counted around twenty-seven times. could be more, could be less. but i'm still questioning how i didn't realise sooner. i guess eating moving creatures alone in a market does stuff to you. this is all so weird. i feel like my frontal lobe and parietal lobe are not cooperating with the rest of my brain. it's all so different. yuri never grows closely to a guy. let alone in such a short amount of time. but i'm happy for her. despite the fact that i'm still waiting. still waiting for something that i don't even know.

we agreed to stay up until four. but yuri managed to pass out before me. i'm no longer sleepy. it frustrates me though, because my body is screaming for me to go to bed but my brain is on a complete high. on a rollercoaster to nowhere. i want to go to an amusement park. and with that, the ride takes a dip into a dark tunnel.

i wake up, a piece of paper shielding my eyes from the sun that peeks through my curtains. i left. obviously. let's meet up again. when we're not so emotionally unstable. we will.

i grab a bottle of banana milk from the fridge and go. it's funny, i never used to drink this stuff. but whatever, let's see where the universe takes me today, tomorrow, ten years from now. hit me with your best shot, world.