from afar. | takata mashiho

✦ i think

the thoughts are becoming more frequent. they also started becoming more obscure and funny. one minute they would be about balloons or dragons and the next it would be about beach balls or something far from the previous subject. they really challenge me to think. it's amusing how insightful her mind is; she can turn the most random things into deep and puzzling theories.

✦ ༺━━━━༻ ✧

now it's valentine's day. i can't wait to see haruto's face when he sees his desk piled with gifts from hopefuls. and then to see his face saddened when he doesn't see a gift from yuri. i'll be there for him though, i'm not that cruel.

i don't expect anything from anyone today. i end up just feeling awful to anyone who gifts me anything, i feel guilty that i'm not able to return them my feelings. i'm just not up to committing myself to one person's heart. i'd like to get to know their mind before i can really feel something towards them. "mashiho! my son! make sure to thank everybody who presents themselves to you today. don't be mean. but also think of yourself, you don't want to end up damaging your soul to benefit another's."
"yes eomma! i'll make sure to be kind." all eyes will be on the handsome boys and pretty girls anyway. she hands me a plate of food topped with garnish sprinkled in the shape of a heart. my mum really loves her holidays. too bad she's usually always gone and unavailable to celebrate them as a family. dad's already gone out, as i've been informed. i'm concerned for his health and wellbeing. i understand that he wants to be the main breadwinner of our family but i'm afraid he'll burnout. and then he'll feel horrible for not working during his down time and only want to work more. mum's doing the greatest with her part of the company: marketing and advertising. she's always been good with convincing people. and what have i been good at? well, i'm not too shabby on the trampoline.

✦ ༺━━━━༻ ✧

haru haru
6:45am

haruto
dude you ready?

mashiho
am i ever?

haruto
yes you are. you literally
always have everything on
hand

mashiho
technically in my
backpack but okay

haruto
okay okay. hurry up, i'm
already outside your door

mashiho
i'm coming down

✦ ༺━━━━༻ ✧

i open the door only to see you with your hands cupped around your cheeks and your smile about to fall off your face. "why are you so lively?" i question his sanity.
"i'm just excited."
"if this is about yuri, i pray for your mental health."
"thank you. much needed. and appreciated."
"you are very welcome."

as we walk to the train station there are several girls perkily holding gift bags in their arms like their lives depend on it. they're all kind of like dogs, awaiting their first meal of the day, eating it, and being disappointed to figure out that they'd probably have to wait a painfully long time for the next bowl. haruto's still here. luckily he hasn't exploded of happiness. yet. his legs are shaky-shaky and it looks like he needs to pee. "bro. you look like you need to pee."
"oh damn. shit. i'll stop."
"you better." upon my words, the train pulls in front of us and the doors slide open. haruto is still in dreamland so i have to drag him in with me. gosh, it's like dealing with a kid in a candy store.

we finally make it to school and haruto's successfully made it without pissing his pants. everyone eyes him but he's got his eyes on only one. i swear he's got tunnel vision. "okay haruto, it's gonna get hectic in there and i don't want you to get your hopes up. i don't want to see you crying while drinking banana milk again, okay?" he nods and i know he didn't just hear my advice. fortunately for him, i took a four pack of banana milk with me today. we finally reach our lockers after what feels like trudging through a labrynth with gargoyles constantly pelting down their stares on us like hail. we both look at each other before opening our locker doors and whabam open. two small envelopes fly down to my feet. while a whole fucking avalanche drowns haruto. "do you need my help reading those or?"
"i got this mashiho. i'm strong." sure you are.

✦ ༺━━━━༻ ✧

letter 1
i like you mashiho!

everytime you smile all i feel is happiness. everytime you look sad all i feel is sympathy. all i want and need is for you to be happy.

you make my heart flutter. please accept my feelings!

love,
kang seorem

letter 2
dear mashiho,

i know you probably didn't expect one of these to fall out of your locker today, but here it is! i've chosen you for valentines day (because i didn't know what else to do).

i like your smile and the way you act as an anchor for your friends. i like your way of talking and how you let people in front of you in lines.

but i don't expect your heart or anything. nor do i want it. but i want you to know that you are a good person who makes many people happy. you probably don't get that often, so i've done the hard work for a bunch of people.

please keep doing what you do.

it was me,
the other mamo (aka fukuhara mamiko)

✦ ༺━━━━༻ ✧

i turn to haruto after the first letter. all we do is telepathically feel strange together. i'm sorry kang seorem. i'll find her at break. i'll also thank mamo too. out of the corner of my eye i see haruto give up and throw all the letters back into his locker, not caring how. mood. he gives me a look and we walk to homeroom.

as i open the door, i hear him breathe in. hard. "you good?"
"yeah. go in." i walk in and immediately feel sorry for him. a pile. no! a mountain – stacks of boxes surrounded by bags. everyone stares. some guys are jealous, others just amazed. i'm speechless. "bro, share."
"of course. i ain't finishing these on my own." he begins his search. a search for a single name. he scrambles through endlessly. i shift my view to the side a little. "haru, i think i found what you've been looking for." a single lollipop, a sticky note barely hanging on, written, "from choi yuri, i just thought it would be fun to add my contribution to mount everest." this girl. i like. haruto please go for her, properly. he holds it against the window and just stares. hello, hello! when i was young, i used to sleep with an avocado beside my head. these thoughts are the best. why an avocado? i stan an individualistic queen. haruto's internally pissed his pants now. i guess there's no need for banana milk after all. maybe the bathroom's hand dryer is more necessary at this point.

after what seems to be nothing of a class, it's time to find seorem. i've been avoiding this the whole time, but i'd rather let her know and get it over with rather than giving her false hope. might as well give her one of my banana milks, i'm not gonna drink all four. i set my food down on the cafeteria table, "haruto, i'm gonna go find kang seorem and give her the rundown. i'll be back in a bit." he nods and i start walking. i don't know where she usually sits, heck she hasn't even spoken to me before! whilst still in my head, someone bumps into me. "oh- i'm sorry i wasn't-"
"kang seorem?"
"uh... yes that's me! shit you're mashiho."
"yes i am mashiho."
"yeah about that letter, you don't have to accept my feelings. i just wanted to tell you."
"well, i am sorry seorem. i just don't see myself with you. here, i had extra." i hand her the bottle.
"thank you. for letting me down softly." we both smile and head off our own different paths. whew. as i approach the table, haruto's there – with choi yuri. did he just? is he? what? standing there, dumbfounded, yuri hands me a nacho chip, "guac?"

haruto left off somewhere after school. he'll be right. for me, after aimlessly entering stores and supermarkets, it's time to go home i guess. i called mamiko earlier, i couldn't quite catch her at school. it's getting darker. but the lights of the city act as stars here on earth. they keep me awake. i managed to get a plastic bag from a kind lady at the tteokkbokki stand. now there's no need for me to clutch three things of banana milk like a baby, i got it in a handy-dandy little bag that would take a thousand years to decompose if littered. jokes on you world! i'm gonna keep reusing this bag. i dance as i walk, keeping my muscles running. and i manage to bump into another person. another girl. "i'm so sorry." i quickly hand her a banana milk bottle and she takes it, bows, and scurries away. how often will i bump into people today?