CLOUDS | hat films

| quatorze |

I woke up early the next morning. Being honest, I hadn't really gotten much sleep anyways. I spent most of the night listening to Alex's slow, steady breaths and trying to come up with ways to get out of the mess I'd created. I checked my phone and found it was 5:14 AM. I rubbed my eyes and turned over to face Alex—he was still sleeping. I flopped onto my back and stared at the ceiling, hoping I could will myself back to sleep, but my mind wouldn't stop racing.

I pulled my phone back out and put my headphones in. I dimmed the brightness as much as I could so as not to disturb the sleeping Alex beside me. When I unlocked my phone, the Smio video someone had tagged me in was still pulled up on Twitter. I quickly closed the player and went to my home page, scrolling through tweets.

The other Hat members' tweets reminded me today was our last full day in Boston before an early flight. It was a Sunday, and we had no particular plans. I joked to the boys about spending the day at one of the many Revolution-themed attractions Boston had to offer. 

I spent the next 30 minutes or so checking various social media accounts and scrolling through my feeds. I watched a couple of Youtube videos (avoiding any videos with Smith and myself featured) and just generally tried to cheer myself up. 

When I saw it was approaching 6:00 AM, I quietly dragged myself out of the bed and into the bathroom to shower. Once again, the shitty hotel's shower didn't do anything but piss me off as the lukewarm water cascaded lightly over my body. I groaned quietly in frustration--partly due to the shower and partly to the situation we were in.

I honestly didn't understand why Alex and I were acting the way we were to each other; what had once been a warm friendship had now become cold tolerance. We avoided each other as much as possible, and viewers had started to take notice in the videos I did with Hat Films too. Before, if we were doing a 2v2 game, Alex and I always played together against Ross and Trott. Now, most times, I was saddled with Trott on a team against Alex and Ross. Of course, as I mentioned, viewers noticed and were not hesitant to share this in the comments.

It was just fucking ridiculous. That's the conclusion I finally came to after months of this bullshit.

As the shower turned cold, I turned off the water and stepped out into the seemingly even colder bathroom. I wiped enough condensation off the mirror to see myself, and I was met with massive dark circles from the lack of sleep. I rolled my eyes and slipped my pajamas back on. I turned the light off in the bathroom and crept into the main room as quietly as I could.

When I settled back into the bed, I heard Alex speak in a half whisper. "Can't sleep?" he asked. "We don't have to be up for hours."

Aside from on camera, that was probably the most neutral thing Alex had said to me in weeks. I was almost paralyzed from the surprise. "Uh, no. I think it's the time difference catching up to me," I lied.

Not a good move, I realized. Alex may have been distant, but he still knew me, and he could tell when I was lying. "You're a bad liar, E." We weren't even facing each other. Both of us were on our backs. I was staring at the ceiling with my hands folded on my stomach. I didn't respond. "What's up with you?"

Why the fuck did he care? He didn't want anything to do with me. "I just have a lot on my mind, I guess." That one wasn't a lie.

"What's on your mind?" he asked, turning to face me. I could feel his eyes on me, even in the still pitch black room, the only light in the room from the ever-busy streets permeating the shitty hotel curtains. I stayed silent. "You can talk to me, E. I won't bite."

His soothing words mixed with the last few months left me with a pit in my stomach. I choked on something I was going to say. This wasn't the right time to do this. We sat in silence for a couple moments that felt like eternity before I finally decided on what to say. "Alex, I appreciate your concern. You know me; you know what's on my mind, and now is not the time to discuss this."

He let out a breath, which sounded like he had been holding it in forever. He didn't say anything. I turned so that my back faced him as I tried to hold back the emotions that threatened to overcome me: anger, confusion, sadness--everything. The white noise from the heater in the room was deafening. He still didn't say anything, but he did put a hand on my shoulder for just a moment before he removed it. I tried not to read too much into it.

-

I ended up falling back asleep after our brief interaction, and woke up to my alarm at 10:00 AM. There was more light in the room now--enough that I could tell Alex wasn't in the bed anymore. I assumed he was in the shower, my suspicions confirmed by the thin strip of light coming from the door. I got up and changed out of my pajamas, putting on a pair of mom jeans, a t-shirt, and my favorite quarter-zip pullover.

I made myself a cup of tea and sat on the too-hard sofa shoved in the corner of the small room, going through my Twitter feed for the second time that day. I decided to post something for the hell of it.

aelewin: Any suggestions for the most American thing in Boston? Looking to torture the Hat Boys today with a little patriotism. ;)

Tweets from Ross and Trott came up within minutes, jokingly begging for someone to help, followed by several suggestions by locals and people who had visited. One especially caught my eye: the Boston Tea Party Ships and Museum. I looked it up on Google quickly and sent a screenshot to Trott.

I: We're going. I don't give a shit what any of you say.

T: Christ. I'll tell Ross, I guess.

I heard the water shut off and minutes later Alex came into the main room, his long hair still damp. "Good morning," he said.

"Morning. I found a new way to torture you all. We're going to a Boston Tea Party themed museum today." He groaned. "Come on. It will be fun. And educational," I joked.

"You convinced Ross and Trott of this?" he asked.

"Well, I didn't really give them a choice. I just said we were going and told Trott not to bother fighting with me on this one." I laughed.

"Let's get going then, I guess."

-

The initial part of the tour consisted of stuff I had learned either in high school or college history classes. Trott commented on my disinterest after the "town meeting" portion. "Damn, E. Thought you'd be more into this considering you were the one who forced us here."

I laughed. "Don't get me wrong, I love this whole thing. The outfits, the reenactment--it just screams America. I already know most of this stuff, though."

"Never took you for a history buff," Smith said, with a hint of what seemed like admiration in his voice. It made me smile.

As we stepped onto the deck of a boat in Boston Harbor, I realized we were getting to the part I was most excited for: throwing mock tea into the sea. I didn't tell the boys about this one, mostly because I wanted to hear their comments afterwards. The tour guides did their spiel on the importance and scale of the event, then told us to pair up.

Ross and Trott paired up, leaving me with Alex. The tour guides sent each pair to a section of the deck with a small crate. Alex looked at me with a look of 'what the fuck' on his face when he realized we were about to throw a most likely empty crate into Boston Harbor and pretend we were early revolutionaries. I just raised my eyebrows and flashed a grin at him as the tour guide gave us instructions.

The crate wasn't heavy enough that you needed two grown adults to lift it, but the tour guide instructed each pair to lift their crate and get ready to toss. Alex and I each grabbed a piece of the rope wrapped around the crate, and our knuckles touched. Neither one of us said anything or tried to move. We just waited for the command to throw.

When we did eventually throw our crate, ours went much further out than Ross and Trott's (we had created this impromptu competition in whispers while the tour guide was finishing up his speech). Alex and I both smiled widely, and surprisingly, he held his hand up for me to high five. I returned the gesture, and the tension of the past couple months seemed to disappear, even if only in that moment.

| a/n: hiii sorry for being gone for so long again. i hope this longer chapter satiates any need for this fic (if anyone is even still reading lol). hoping to update and finish up within the next couple chapters so that it is officially a complete story. best of luck and well wishes to everyone in this weird time! <3 |