just a dream (camren)

fifty six

December 18th, 2016

There's no answer.

She doesn't get cut off, which is a good sign, but Camila is frantic. She scrambles to get to her messages, and scrolls down to the dead group chat between herself and the other girls; she knows they have one between the four of them, and while that used to hurt, it doesn't anymore. Not after everything.

It can't have been a dream. There's no way she could've dreamed all of that in three fucking hours. She opens up Twitter, and she sees the statement, the original one, and she knows that management posted it, so she brushes it off, ignoring the comments and checking Lauren's account, but she hadn't posted anything. The only good sign is that next to the following button, it still says follows you. She hadn't unfollowed her, which means she could remember. Maybe she just can't get to her phone right now.

She runs a hand through her hair, a nervous tick she's picked up from Lauren, tears welling in her eyes. She doesn't know what to think, but she does know that her best shot at getting an answer is Dinah, so she calls her, and she's shocked when she actually answers.

"Dinah, oh my god, I just woke up, I don't know how I did it," She blurts out, on the brink of tears, "have you heard from Lauren? Does she remember? Do you remember?"

"Um... remember what?" Dinah asks her, and Camila's heart sinks. "Are you okay?"

"No, no, no, this can't be happening," Camila squeezes her eyes shut, willing herself not to cry, and she feels like she's going to be sick. "You don't remember anything?"

"About what?" Dinah asks, and Camila chokes out a sob. "Mila, seriously, what's wrong?"

Bile rises in her throat and she feels like she's going to puke. There's a sickening feeling in her stomach, and ice trickling down the back of her neck, and some part of her knows it's all hopeless. Dinah doesn't remember anything.

"Can you come over?" She cries, feeling so ridiculously pathetic, but knowing that Dinah would comfort her. Dinah has always been her rock. "I need you."

"Um... Mila, I'm in California," Dinah tells her, and in all of her fears, Camila had forgotten the stupid fucking distance. "But... but I can stay on the phone with you."

"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—I shouldn't have bothered you," Camila mumbles, and hangs up before Dinah can say anything, bundling under her covers and sobbing her heart out.

It's a while before she composes herself, because if Dinah doesn't remember, then Lauren won't, and that hurts her more than anything. She opens up Instagram, and goes to her girl's page, except she's not even her girl anymore. She's just a former colleague, and that's what hurts the most.

In all of her worries, she'd forgotten to post her own statement about her departure, because it's not something she'd had to think about at all, so she rushes something, trying to make it seem as amicable as possible, trying to let everyone know that she's always going to love the girls.

After four and a half years, my journey with Fifth Harmony has come to an end. I know some of you are upset and confused, but it's something I needed to do for myself, my creativity and my happiness. 

I love Lauren, Dinah, Ally and Normani with my whole heart, and I'm always going to be cheering them on from the sidelines. They're the best bandmates I could've wished for, and I'm so grateful I got to go on this journey with them. I love you guys if you're reading this, and I can't wait to see what you achieve as a quartet. (I'll be creating my stan account shortly.)