red band society // 5sos au

six - lucky

"You know, Jabie, you are so lucky," Cassie rolls over on her side, turning on her lamp to face me. I raise my eyebrow and put my phone down, facing her as well.

"How so?" I laugh but stop myself when I realize that she's being serious. Serious conversations between the two of us are very rare so I wasn't aware.

"You have Calum, Calum has you. You two love each other and care for each other a lot. It's really cute and kind of nauseating at the same time but I really want to experience what you two feel some day," she half smiles and then rolls on her back, looking up.

"You will feel it some day. You have hope of getting out of this place. Once you get out, there will be so many things that you'll be able to experience," I roll on my back too and look up at the ceiling.

"What about things in here? If you and Calum can experience love, can't I?" she asks, her tone of voice a bit different.

"Well yeah, of course you can. It's just a bit limited to us though," I answer, laughing a bit.

"I wouldn't really mind."

"Are you indirectly saying what I'm thinking?"

"What are you thinking?"

"Do you have a crush on Ashton?"

"Yes, um weIl I don't really know for sure yet. But I do know that I have some kind of attraction to him, I guess."

"That's really cute, I'm happy for you, Cas," I say and she smiles, thanking me and turning off her lamp to go to sleep.

"Woah, Calum, what's happening?" Cassie and I run downstairs to the boys' floor, hearing all of the commotion going on. He rushes to hug me and we look around, trying to make sense of what's going on.

"Michael, um, something happened to him," he answers, putting his arm around my waist and sighing.

"What do you mean by something?" Cassie looks at him, Luke, and Ashton, her lips parted slightly.

"He stopped breathing or something like that. I'm not sure on the details," Luke rubs his eyes and I look at the time. It's 2 in the morning and we're all tired.

"You all need to go back to your rooms and get some rest. You'll be able to talk to Michael in the morning," Kelly walks up to us and we all shake our heads.

"You can't just expect us to go back to sleep after our best friend might be dead," Ashton says, looking down at his feet.

"Ashton, don't say that, he's not dead, okay? If you guys want, then you can stay in someone's room for an hour, two at most but then you all have to go to sleep," she sighs, walking away from us.

"We can all stay in mine and Ashton's room for a bit. We have gummy bears," Luke smiles, walking over to their room and opening his door. We all take our usual seats, either on the floor, the chairs, or the beds. Luke takes out a big jar of gummy bears from under his bed and opens it, passing it around.

"This has been happening a lot lately," Cassie looks down at her fingers, playing with them and avoiding eye contact. "Like this is the second time this week that this has happened to Michael and yesterday, Jabie passed out and was rushed to the doctor."

"Cassie!" I glare at her and everyone looks at me, so I look down at my feet. "I haven't told anyone yet."

"What happened?" Calum looks down at me with a worried expression on his face.

"Nothing really major, it's just that I'm not exactly getting any better," I shrug and lean my head on Calum's shoulder. "It's not really anything to worry about."

"It's kind of scary, actually. Knowing that we're not all going to stay together forever. We'll all either die or get better, some of us having a better chance of getting better than others," Luke looks at Cassie and Ashton.

"It's also kind of scary knowing that the ones that have pretty much no chance of getting better, will not all die at the same time. Like one of us is going to eventually die first," Calum bites his lip as reality hits us all like a truck.

"What'll happen when one of us dies, then?" Ashton scratches his head, not knowing what to expect as our responses.

"We continue to live and move on, I guess," Luke shrugs.

"It's kind of a pain in the ass, really. Like I've been fighting for so long and I haven't told anyone this but it's actually a pain to wake up in the morning, I don't know how long I can continue doing this," I close my eyes and sigh.

"Doing what?" Cassie asks, looking up from her fingers.

"You know, living," I answer and everyone becomes silent.

note: so um yeah sorry for not updating but i've had a bit of writer's block lately (as you can tell by the quality and the length of this chapter) since school started. but i'll try to continue writing while balancing school work :)