I'm to big, your To old.

Water an oil.

lay closing my eyes inside the tub sliding down letting the bubbles gild all over me, trying to loosen up my stiff aching body, sinking even low in steaming water as the tension is staring to leave my body.

*Exhale* *Sigh*

We've been here at this hotel almost two days. I'm already more unhinged then before, Zac is guarding me, to the equivalent of someone whose on patrol or similar to someone who is ticking time Bomb that's gonna explosive any minute. He never leaves me alone either, if he does leave, he's only gone less then an hour, he keeps some of his meatheads standing outside of our door to keep eyes on me, that doesn't make me feel safe at all.

I stay in the bedroom with our door locked when he's gone. I'm to scared to leave the room an go into the little living room when he's not here.

Don't get me started on the boredom.
We've watched so many movies/TV shows. just sitting here is getting to me, I feel unstable right now like, I'm not in control at all. That everyone else has more authority/decisions to so much extent that I do anymore, it's not helping having a hard to sleep Doesn't help, I've had a incline of sleep either, I just can't take him watching me so closely. I get he cares but he acts like a gonna break any second. I've cried some but mostly feel numb.

I miss Ashley, Rain, willow, an Ryan. I miss Ashley the worst tho, I call her every night but it's not the same, it's the longest, I've ever been without her, it's been weirdly uncomfortable after that night with Zac he watches me closely but we haven't talked about what happened.

we just do small talk nothing serious, he's definitely treating me different an I hate it.

Which I guess it's my fault because I've kinda been trying to avoid talking about what happened. I know we need to do a open honest conversations but It hurts to much.

Its so fuckin frustrating! to be fully vulnerable, to show the soften inner mushy parts of your heart it makes me upset because.....I realized..

I am deeply in love with him but... I don't think it's gonna work.

I'm scared to death After what happened I'm having second thoughts about us being together. I feel like I caused half this shit, if I hadn't sneaked in his building then ran then tried to sneak back thinking I was good enough to sneak Ashely out then William part me being so stupid enough to use a gun. Then Zac he.. he killed him for hurting me, that's what started this hole thing with Brent.

I feel deep in my gut like I'm gonna lose him because of my naiveness baggage just pain stupidity the other night just proved that.

Ever since the other night, we haven't kissed or anything either, even tho all of my blood work an STI an STD tests did come back clean so I'm fine

At night when he's asleep he'll pull me against him an I'll tense or flinch involuntary.

I feel horrible after. I know it's Zac but sometimes his grip can be little rough.

Savanah! Zac yells, in the bedroom.

I jump, splashing water as hear my name being called out,

I'm in the tub!!! I yell feeling my body tensing up.

He opens the bathroom door, looking with worried filled eyes, that softened when he sees I'm in the tub.

Are you okay he says as he leans against the door,

Yeah I am, I just wanted a good bath. I say feeling uncomfortable.

Would you like some help, he ask his voice getting husky towards the end as he walks closer towards me in the tub, I sink lower in the tub trying to cover myself more as my mouth gets dry,

I... ummm I...umm I mumble my words, not knowing what to say feeling self conscious.

He walks over to the skink grabbing a wash cloth, then coming towards the tub getting on his keens, outside the tub, he takes his shirt off an I feel myself back up little,

He meets my eyes, with pity from my reaction,

Woah it's okay, I'm not getting in, I'm just gonna help wash you, I can tell how sore you are, just from this morning getting out of bed, I took my shirt off because, I don't want my shirt wet. He says trying to calm me. I lean back trying to relax but failing.

He take a little bar of soap in one hand as he takes the wash cloth in the other rubbing it together dripping it in the water, getting it all soapy,

Okay I'm gonna start on your arm an back he whispers as He gently takes the cloth running it over my arm in small circles as rubbing it to my shoulder down the side of my back, he gets to where I was extra sore an I flinch,

Fuck he whispers as he stops,

Was I to rough he whispers learning over more towards me,

No it's just sore from Br.. I start to say as I almost say His Name! but I stopped myself.

What did he do, he whispers as he pulls me closer,

He would do different painful things making me fall to my knees, I mumble looking down as I feel shame wash over me.

He pulls me up an closer to him, as he holds me.

I'm so sorry, I wasn't there for you. I promise, I'll spend the rest of my life making up for it he whispers with the worst pain ever in his voice. I feel tears run down my face, as he holds me.

Zac it's my own fault. I was stupid, I wasn't strong or smart enough. I'm weak, fat, naive.

I can't live in your world. I care about you so much but don't think we should stay together. I feel way to codependent with you. We're not good together, it's like water an oil. I'm confused on us.I rush out almost like word vomiting./

Savan.... he start but I shhh him,

Shhhhh..... I say as Tear rolls down my face

what are we really doing together. "Playing house" I can't be the women you need me to be. I am broken especially now. I wanna be with you but, I don't think we're right for each other.

We don't even have a good foundation in our relationship. I don't know how to tell you the darkness inside of me. Nor do I know how to handle the dark sides of you. I know you're a good guy in your own ways but I still think about the man in the warehouse. I see his lifeless body nagging at me in the back of my mind. I also still

I feel disgusting, used, every time I close my eyes, I see him forcing me, I feel like I betrayed you, I let you down. I know You deserve better then me, I think we need to stop us an this, you think I'm who you want but I'm not. I whisper tears rolling down my eyes pulling away. He sits back on his knees, almost as if I slapped him as the grip on me loosens,

I sink Lower as worries run through my mind, he's to silent, I feel the tension in the dead air.  I can feel something bubbling in him. I've never truly experienced. In a dead calm voice he finally speaks

I understand that's how you feel, but you're so wrong about this. But I'm gonna respect your wishes because I love you more then my own happiness an life He mumbles coldly, as he gets up dropping the wet rag on the floor as I feel him starting to lose it more as he bolts for the door slamming it with so much force it shakes the hole bathroom.

As the loud sound radiates through the room I
Sink more into the tub, tears falling, crying even more. I lay here so long, the bubbles have disappear an the water turned cold, my mind running into over drive. I guess I'm crying because of how much I've fucked up, myself, my relationship, an because the love of my life, just walk out the door. But I know deep down it's the right thing to do. He deserves better he will understand one day. ____________________________________

Hey guys I Hope you enjoy this chapter. I had a hard time writing it, Not gonna lie. I do hope you love it. Please don't forget to vote an comment letting me know what you think. I can't wait for the new few chapters As always I love y'all! my readers who've continued to follow me an this book. ~Chloe