City Fool // Spam book

My mini meltdown

Please ignore this chapter I just needed somewhere to write down my thoughts....

If you're still reading idk why cause it might ruin your day.

This entire crush situation is driving me insane...

Why are they called crushes?

I'm lay here at 12:25 in the morning when I should be sleeping playing Crush by David Archuleta and crying my eyes out wondering if they even feel the same way...

It sounds stupid but it hurts a lot...

My heart fucking hurts...

Why is it we waste our time on loving someone who we know will never love us back? Why do we make up scenarios in our minds of what our life would be with them in it? Why is it we go insane and drive ourselves to our breaking point thinking of reasons why these people would never be with us?

Why do we tear our hearts apart still thinking of someone that doesn't want us?

Why do we put ourselves through all of this pain? Just for another living soul who we know doesn't care about us...

There are millions of people on this earth so why is it we obsess and have our hearts choose someone who's heart doesn't connect with ours?

Our hearts are so strong so why are they so weak and broken over one single person...

It doesn't make sense and it fucking crushes.

Everyone says there's hope for everyone, that they'll find their true soulmate but the sad reality is is that not everyone does...

Some people find people that they think is their soulmate and they get married and think their lives are going to be perfect and then they find out they aren't their soulmates and they separate...

Some people's partners die and they'll either lose their soulmate or never get the chance to meet them...

It's really upsetting and I do believe in soulmates but I just don't get how our hearts can send hormones to our brains that make us attracted to someone whom we may develop feelings for over time...

If they aren't our soulmate then why do our hearts develop those feelings for them? Crushes do nothing but crush us but what did we do to deserve to feel that way? Why do we get punished and broken down like that just for developing feelings for someone who isn't our soulmate?

Why does the world punish us like that?

I knew my crush never liked me back and I've had clarity now. So why can't I stop seeing those scenarios in my head like they have a place in my life like that?

They'll never have a place in my life so why can't I just let go and stop thinking about them?

I see them with other people and it just crushes me...

I know it's not the end of the world if someone doesn't like me back, I get that. It just hurts. It just feels like someone is shoving a knife into my heart, pulling it back out and shoving it back in again...

I've liked this person for a while and it's hard to just stop thinking about them...

I wish I could...

If you read all of this then idk why but I'm sorry for ruining your day or night or morning or afternoon or whatever timezone it is for you...I did say to not read this chapter.