Secrets

Chapter 13

The thought of being forced into silence or being unable to say what you are thinking can be a particularly frightening and frustrating idea. You might find yourself feeling much distress and anger, being unable to say what you want, especially when it is a matter of life and death. This can occur when a piece of cloth has been forced into your mouth in order to prevent you from doing just this, or your mouth is full of a particularly delicious and flammable dessert, stopping you from warning the other guests at the dinner party that the hosts' home is on fire. There was a time I can remember where I was unable to communicate an important message to the woman I loved before a terrible villain attacked her from behind and pushed her over the edge of a cliff. Fortunately, this was one of the rare occasions where the involuntary silence did not lead to disastrous results. My inability to speak to my true love did not lead to death as the wings the woman wore as part of her costume were very functional and allowed her to survive the plummet down into the vast mountainous landscape where a secret organization had built its headquarters. Another time in which a colleague of mine was forced into silence was due to extended and complicated circumstances where he attempted to gather evidence to help rescue a set of parents who had been kidnapped by two people with an air of menace. He had spent many hours listening to the terrible schemes of the two villains while locked in a sarcophagus and taking notes by the light of a single lit match. However, his location was soon discovered by the two people due to the smell of smoke wafting from the coffin and in order to keep his silence, they threatened to expose his own terrible secrets, one about him witnessing a terrible crime at the opera, that could ruin his reputation as the head of a banking institution. He did manage to escape from their clutches, but sadly his notes were not passed on to the parents, who ended up detained by the two villains. Unfortunately, my colleague has been forced to remain hidden on the top floor of his banking organization since then, talking to incompetent vice-presidents of orphan affairs and trying to keep his secrets from being revealed. I cannot begin to tell you the kind of hopelessness and anguish one can feel at being unable to speak the truth, which is why you should stop reading this chapter immediately because, sadly, I am not prevented from revealing the terrible truth surrounding the plight of the Baudelaires and their friends.

Being forced into silence must have been exactly how Holly S. felt as she sat with her friends; stunned and dismayed that the terrible villain whom the siblings had warned her about had managed to infiltrate the school and was now being applauded by their fellow classmates and teachers. In her hand, she held a note which she was attempting to pass to Duncan Quagmire when the horrible and sweaty man appeared, forcing them all into shocked silence.

"I love the energy. I love it!" the man disguised as Coach Genghis said, nodding in great approval.

"Okay, everyone, settle down," the vice-principal said.

"Settle down? Do you hear what Vice Principal Shapiro just said?"

"Nero."

Holly cannot help but grin at the fact that someone had messed up her "Mento's" name, obviously not bothering to learn it as the inept administrator did with her.

"Settle down. How often I hear those words come out of people's ears and into my mouth. 'Settle,' a word which here means 'settling for less,' and 'down,' my personal least favourite direction. Let me tell you a story. Some years ago, a woman came to me. She needed my help. 'Coach Genghis,' she said to me, 'I'm a failure. I have no job. My love life is in the pits. I can't seem to lose these last 20 pounds. I bet that describes just about every one of you, am I right?"

"Um, they're schoolchildren," the violinist said.

"Exactly," he continued on as if he hadn't heard. "And what did I say to her? Do you think I told her to settle down? Answer me, pippity-squeaks! Do you think I told her to... settle down?"