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Chapter Thirty-One: Daryl

I was going as fast as the bike would go. I was being careless and stupid, but I didn't a damn. At least I was smart enough to be going down a road that was pretty damn straight. It had a few hills and slight curves that I knew well enough to slow down for, but on the straight-a-ways, the speedometer was as high as it could go.

Anger flowed through me like I had never felt before. I was mad at Taylor for fucking up what we had. It was good between us and I was actually happy for the fits time in my life. Fuckin' pitiful that I had to be in my forties to find happiness. My life wasn't the kind that brought back good memories.

Growing up there as no laughter in our house. No birthday parties. No Thanksgiving turkey. No Christmas presents. I was afraid of my old man until I grew strong enough to fight back and finally win. I grew up around hate. That's what I know.

My parents hated each other. My father hated me. Merle hated everyone. I came from white trash...grew up as white trash and the only thing I know is I don't love no one.

Especially Taylor.

Sure, she's hot and gets me better than most, but I don't love her. She's good in bed and lets me do what I want, and the sex is fuckin' phenomenal, but I don't love her.

I know how to hate. I don't know how to love.

And she shouldn't love me.

I'm not a good man. Never was, never will be. I was kidding myself hanging with her. Taylor's looking for a happily ever after and I was just happy to get laid. Taylor was more than a piece of ass, but I gotta keep thinkin' of her that way.

I just gotta.

That's what I kept trying to tell myself. That was enough for me, but love was not supposed to happen. I thought about it, but it's too risky. Not happening. Nope. Not ever.

But the one thing I ain't thinkin' about is the road no more. I miss seeing this big curve that was coming up and I know I'm fucked. I hit the brakes to slow down, but it's too late and not enough as I feel the back wheel slide across the pavement. I try to regain control, but I know we're going off the road and down.

The second the bike hits the overgrown grass on the side of the road, I try to throw myself clear, only to end up rolling down into a dry creek bed and landing hard on my left side. I know I hit a rock or ten on my way here.

Fuck, that hurt. But I am alive.

It's gonna take me a few minutes to recover before I can move. As my whole left side throbs, my head goes to what I've been trying not to think about. I'm gonna have a kid.

Me. What the hell do I know about being a father?

You woulda thought I would be prepared for this. It was the whole reason I got involved with Taylor in the first place. It's Denise's crazy idea to save the women. It does have merit, but it's still fuckin' crazy.

And I agreed to it.

So why I'm slightly freaking out about this makes no sense. I've known for a month that it could have happened. Not to mention the other hundred times we had sex after that night it was without a condom. Of course, she would get knocked up.

But it's reality now. She's got my kid growing in her and I walk out on her the same day.

That's why she shouldn't love me because I'll do shit like this. It's all I fuckin' know.

Hurtin' people and leavin' are what Dixon's are known for. And now I just passed those fucked up genes along to a kid. If it's a girl like we need, maybe that won't be as bad. The Dixon men are the fuck ups. The stupid women all married into the family.