Inexplicable (Drake)

Chapter 34

*As soon as she saw me she ran to me and hugged me tightly putting her arms around my neck.

"Hey hey baby what's wrong, what's happened" I said as she cried on my shoulder.

"Harry... He he committed suicide" she whimpered.*

(Depressing chapter, you can skip to Drake's P.O.V)

Harry's P.O.V

I held the bottle of pills in my hand rolling it back and forth extremely slowly.

They didn't notice the darkness in my eyes, how I loathed them and wished they burned in hell.

My soul is just rotted and I have no faith in people anymore.

Not even my Mom or Sabrina could save me now. They were the two most important people in my life.

I just want to let go,far away from this sickened world.

I was too far in for it to even matter if anyone noticed

Yeah so what if I was different? They didn't have to make my life a living hell because of it.

After exhaling loudly I opened the bottle up and shook some out. I counted them coming to a result of 12, that's surely enough to kill me right?

My other suicide attempts always ended up me being too pussy to do it and then regretting it immensely afterwards.

I put 6 in my mouth and gulped it down with water. It felt stuffy in my throat but I managed to get it down and that's when I took another swig of water and all 12 pills had entered my system.

I crawled into my bed and waited for the pills to take their effect.

I had thought about this moment a lot, how to go.

After writing countless suicide notes to make the perfect one I decided just not to leave one. What was the point? I didn't want them to know all the disturbing things I had up in my mind.

'Don't think about it too much' was something my therapist,Sampha, used to say to me a lot.

I knew therapy wouldn't work out for me, I told Sabrina so many times that it would be a waste of time but she was only trying to help.

I don't think anyone will know how much it hurts.

All the good things, all the little things that made me happy had been erased from me.

There were too many nights where my wrecked mind was shattered into pieces because of the awful thoughts.

It's just a cycle of insecurity, no confidence and the fact no-one is happy with me. To feel worthless and hurting constantly.

How it feels like to be so lonely when there are millions of miserable people out there just like me.

I clutch my head."Why is the room spinning" I whisper to myself

Drake's P.O.V

It was the next morning now and after eating breakfast Sabrina just seemed to stroll back into bed. So needing to be with her I followed.

"Such a gloomy Sunday" I mumbled to myself.

"Why did he do this"she sobbed. She was wearing one of my hoodies and it seemed like a blanket on her making her look so snuggly.

"He was so smart and talented, if he could've only made it pass graduation he could've been so happy" she proudly said.

"The bad thing was that I really thought he was getting better" She said with tears slowly flowing from her eyes onto my navy jumper that she loved. I only wore it since I thought it might make her just that little tiny bit more happier.

I rubbed my hand up and down her arm in an attempt to comfort her.

I didn't know what to say but I knew I had to be with her at a time like this.

" I bet if it wasn't for all the bullying and all the names people called him then he wouldn't have been so depressed, I mean would you be able to take it if people hated you so much they want you to end up in hospital?"

She didn't let me reply as she continued on.

"I did everything I can for him, I was so supportive and I really really wanted to help him "

"And you did" I butted in." You were his friend when no one else was and that should've been enough" I told her.

" he was there for me too, he helped me out in the subjects I wasn't good at and he was so caring" jealously sprung up in me.

Then I realised that Harry is dead. He is actually gone and we'll never see him again. It was weird to get your head around it.

"He never let me in, and whenever he would, he'd just build his walls up again and block everyone out" she sniffled.

She shook her head and then cuddled even more closer to me. I loved the feeling of this but I hated how she was feeling right now. Her smile was so amazing.

"Give me a smile" I say to her holding her chin up.

She attempts to but her bottom lip tremble and she wobbles into a sob. She hides herself in my chest so I sigh and hold her close to me.

Death and depression was a horrible topic to talk about but it's better for her getting it out in the open then having it all up in her head.

Sabrina's P.O.V

"Are you sure you want to go in today? I'm sure they'll understand if you want to take a day off" Drake says to me.

"It's been 3 days, I'm sure, See you later" I say to Drake before kissing him, the way he put his hand made me feel like he wanted the kiss to be longer but I had pulled away too quick. Awkward.

"See ya" he says blushing and I shut the door.

I felt bad that I wasn't giving Drake the affection that I normally gave him but that kind of thing just seemed to slip my mind recently.

I can't help but think of the small crush I got on Harry shortly after we met. It was during a little fight me and Drake had and Harry was there for me. But I knew Drake was the one for me and I successfully pushed those feelings away.

Walking up to the school was okay because no-one was in sight yet.

It was when I walked through the gates that people began moving away, staring and whispering.

Drake told me to keep my head down and ignore what people said but that wasn't much help right now.

Their gazes were burning through me.

I spotted Binky,Lucy,Beau and Jai but as soon as they saw me they turned around. Great now I officially don't have any friends.

I rushed into the school but it was no escaping these gossipers.

They were making a big deal out of it in the wrong way, I could still hear people referring him as 'freak' not even bothering to say his name. Actually most of these people probably don't even know his name.

I waited outside English patiently since I had at least 10 minutes till the bell rang. It didn't help that I wanted to escape the judgemental people that were walking past.

To be honest I didn't expect it to be like this, I thought people would be coming up to me and saying 'I'm sorry about Harry or I hope you're handling it okay' but nope.

I made a mental note to stop by Harry's house and see how his mom is. I can only imagine the lengths of devastation she is going through right now.