The Happiness You Gave Me

Friends?

~Bertholdt's POV~

I was walking outside the barracks with Reiner. Today was our first day of training and I've been so nervous I couldn't eat. I had just left the porch when I felt something bump into me, followed by a thud. I looked down to see nothing but blonde hair.

"Oh, sorry about that Armin. I didn't see you there." I said.

I turned to Reiner and we walked away. He could tell that I was troubled.

"Bert, what's on your mind? You've been much quieter than usual." He asked.

I looked down and kicked a rock while we walked.

"They killed her Reiner...my mom...they killed her and I'm too deep in to turn back..." I muttered.

I looked down to see his shocked expression. Possibly a mixture of pain and disbelief.

"No...Bertholdt I'm sorry." He said.

I nodded my head as we neared the fence. I pulled out some bread and took a bite.

"Want some?" I asked.

Reiner shook his head and pulled out his own loaf of bread.

"I brought mine too. This view...it's beautiful isn't it?" He asked.

I gazed out over the boundaries of the camp to a lake. The clouds were low over the lake, and the moonlight was shining through the clouds as the gate glistened in the moons radiant glow.

"This is a beautiful view, friend. I can't help but feel that I'm just another monster...another Titan like them." I admitted.

We heard footsteps behind us. We turned around to see Annie walking over to us. I turned back around and took another bite from my bread.

"We're not like them. We have intelligence." She said.

I turned my nose up to her comment.

"We've caused a fifth of the human race to be destroyed, and for what? We've gained nothing but the blood of innocent people on our hands! Men, women, and children's lives snuffed out because of what I did, because of what Reiner did! Face the reality Annie, we're monsters just like them." I said.

She seemed to shrink back into that emotionless shell she's created. Reiner decided to speak.

"This is for a noble cause. We do this, and we can return home." He said.

I couldn't take it anymore. I clenched my fist, pulled back, and punched Reiner in his jaw. He hit the ground with a shocked look on his face, and my eyes began to water.

"You have something to go back to, so does she....I don't have anything to fight for!" I cried.

Before the tears could fall I sprinted off. I found a nice tree to hide behind, and I began to weep. I've lost everything...and they still have family to go to...my mother is dead, and I've caused over two hundred fifty thousand deaths...for nothing...I'm a damned monster...

*Christa's POV*

I had just finished giving Sasha the bread I snuck out of the mess hall. Needless to say, she was more than happy. Ymir came up and asked why I was doing something nice for her just to do it. I didn't understand her question until she picked Sasha up and started carrying her to the barracks. When I asked her what she was doing, she said she was helping Sasha so Sasha would owe her. That concept completely shocked me. I didn't understand how someone could do something nice just for a favor in return. Suddenly I heard a noise. It sounded like someone crying.

"Hello? Is someone there?" I called as I walked toward the noise.

I came near a tree and walked around it to find a tall guy with dark hair and dark eyes sitting there crying.

"Oh...are you ok?" I asked.

"N-No...I...I'm a little upset." He stammered through the tears.

"W-Would you like to talk about it?" I stuttered as I sat next to him. Even crying, I thought he was extremely cute.

He sniffled then smiled.

"Y-You really...really mean it?" He asked.

I smiled back at how sweet he was.

"Well...yes...I wouldn't want to leave you alone in this state. We're Cadets. We have to look out for each other." I said.

He looked down, tears still falling from his eyes. I wanted to brush them away, but I thought that would be too forward.

"I've gotten caught up in a mess with some bad people...and lost something dear to me as a result." He explained.

"Oh my...that's awful...I'm so sorry...How did you get caught up with them if you don't mind my asking?" I asked, hoping I wouldn't offend him.

He began shaking violently and started sobbing again as he went on with his explanation.

"I....I.....I.....They had her.....They beat her.....said if I didn't do exactly what they said they'd kill her.....I did exactly what they wanted and they cut her throat right in front of me! I'm nothing but a stupid tool!" He cried even harder as he finished his explanation.

I felt horrible. I only made him feel worse.

"I...I'm sorry...maybe I should go...I feel like I've made things worse." I said.

I got up to leave when I felt him cling to me. He was strong...yet gentle...and very warm.

"No one's ever cared enough to ask." He said.

I blushed as I stood there with him holding me.

"Well...I...uhh...you seem like a nice person." I stammered.

"No.....I'm the farthest thing from." He replied as another tear fell.

"I don't believe that. You look like you couldn't hurt a fly." I said as a I looked away, embarrassed at my attempt to flirt.

Suddenly he punched the tree.

"I...I'm sorry to tell you...but I'm a monster." He said.

I had a mixed feeling of terror and empathy as I jumped from the shock of his sudden outburst. I wanted to help him, but he scared me.

"M-Maybe y-you're being t-too hard on y-yourself?" I said, trying to conceal my fright.

He must have noticed it though, because his eyes grew wide and he teared up again once he saw the look on my face.

"I-I'm so sorry...I don't want to scare you away...I-I'm Bertholdt Hoover." He said as he managed a smile, and a very cute one at that.

"It's alright...I'm Christa Renz." I said as I smiled back.

"I'm so sorry for frightening you." He apologized.

"It's fine really. I have to work on making friends anyway...I only have one...and she's more of a protector than anything." I said as my smile faded.

His smile faded along with mine.

"I...I only have a couple friends...and they're so...heartless...I want to find someone who is warm hearted and sweet...caring and full of love." He admitted.

He had just said everything that I was looking for.

"Well...I can relate to your friends because I used to be cold, but I made some changes, and I'd like to think I'm a better person now...Do you think we could be friends?" I asked warily.

He smiled and hugged me...it felt...nice. I wanted more, but he broke the hug.

"Of course." He replied.

We said our goodbyes and then I walked to the girls barracks by myself. I couldn't stop thinking about him...