F L I N G - M A L U M

505

505 - Arctic Monkeys

This chapter isn't great, and I proof read it really bad oops.
ALSO!! Both POVs are on the same day.
I love y'all! Have a good day!!

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Mikes POV

I know it's a Tuesday , and I know I have important classes on today and I need to go to school. But I can't bring myself to.

It's currently four am, and I'm laying here awake, lacking the motivation or energy necessary to move.
The palms of my hands ache and throb, sendings full pain up my arms and through me back.
I don't understand why my palms hurt.

I hold my breath; It's too much effort to breathe. Right now it's just too hard, and my fingertips feel absolutely numb.
I feel absolutely numb.
I guess it's one of those days.

Everything feels slightly off, slightly out of place, like something's wrong. But I can't place my finger on it.
There's always something missing from my life that makes it feel incomplete, but I never know what it is.
Except the truth is I do. I know exactly who is missing.

Ever since what happened yesterday, I can't stop thinking about how much I miss him. We used to be so close, we were all each other had. But things change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.

Eventually I give in to my bodily urge to breathe, but I wish I didn't. It may be a necessity, but it's just too much work right now. It's hard to breathe.

I miss him so much, but I shouldn't. I hate him. He hurt me so much, I don't want to know him anymore. I wish I never met him. I wish I never met him.

He made me feel so shit, and so full of hate. For ages, I was such an angry person, and I didn't know how to handle it. So I took it out on him. We used to fight all the time, much more than we do now. It was terrible, and I still feel guilty for it. But I thought he deserved it. I thought he deserved to feel what I felt. I thought everything was his fault.
I hated him. Actually I still do.

But that's a lie. I keep trying to convince myself that I hate him, and that things would've been better if I never met him. But even though things are different now, I'm still so glad I did.

Maybe I should go to the park? What if Cal is there? I hope he is, but I also pray that he isn't. He used to help me through days and nights where I just didn't have the energy to live. He used to do a lot other stuff too. But not anymore.

I don't know what I want anymore.

Eventually I sit up and swing my legs over the bed, and frown slightly at the fear that something under it is going to grab my feet. So stupid and childish, I wish I could just grow up. I wish I could be mature, and just get over this. I wish I could be mature, and stop dying my hair whenever I feel lost in life. I wish I could be mature.
I push myself up off the bed with my hands, but wince slightly at the bruises on my knuckles. A small feeling of pride spreads through me as it occurs to me that I did something to help Cal for once.
Robbie and Charles deserved it anyway.

My arms hang heavily by my sides, and my body feels the need to sink to the floor. To let my legs collapse and hit the ground with force is all I want right now. But I won't.
I need to get to the park, just incase Cal is there. I need to get to Cal