F L I N G - M A L U M

Numb Yourself

Numb Yourself - Citizen

I hope everyone is having a lovely day!!!! If not feel free to talk to me about it if you need.

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Mikes POV

I wake up before Cal does, his comforting warmth surrounding me. I pull my head off of his chest and look at him, god how he's changed. Not a bad type of change, but a good type. A hot type.

He sits up in a heavy gasp and covers his ears roughly, causing me to jump back. I stay completely still for a few seconds before I move closer to him, cautiously letting my hand sit on his leg. His head snaps down to my hand but his eyes shoot around between random objects in the room.
I rub my thumb in circles slowly on his leg.

He bring his eyes to mine. Leaning forward, I carefully pull his hands away from his ears, and bring them down to rest on his lap.

He takes a few deep breaths before he gains his composure and sits up straight,
"I guess you didn't hear the screaming then."
I freeze, but keep my mouth shut. When I don't respond he chuckles and shakes his head.

"What... what did the screaming sound like?" His back slouches ever so slightly at my question.

"Like someone was dying, it was... Horrifying." He paused for a second and pulls his eyes away from mine, tugging at his hair in stress, "someone else was crying, some people were yelling. So loud."

I bring his forehead to my lips and let them linger there, murmuring onto his skin,
"It's alright babe, you're okay now."
He waits for me to pull my lips away before he cracks a cheeky grin,
"So you're calling me babe now huh?"

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Cals POV

I make my way back to my house with a smile. A smile to hide that I'm literally going crazy. I mean, what sane person hears screaming that's not there?
Even worse is that he called me babe, and I liked it. It made me feel giddy and it made me feel happy. He made me feel happy.
I can't keep doing this, I don't even know him... I need to disconnect myself from him, there's a reason we dislike each other at school.

But he called me babe.

I knock on the front door of the house that used to be home. Mum opens it and immediately pulls me into a hug, whispering into my ear,
"I've missed you honey."
"Did he hurt you?"

She pulls away from the hug and looks me in the eyes,
"What?"
Sighing, I repeat the question again,
"Did he hurt you?"

She shakes her head and walks into the kitchen, busying herself by cleaning the bench,
"Your father would never do such a thing."

I close the door behind me and walk further into the house, ignoring her statement. I study her body language, maybe it's not too late to turn back. I know she hates confrontation.
"Mum, how did I suffer from memory loss?"

She stops wiping the bench and puts the cloth down, gesturing for one moment. I sit down on the stool as she disappears upstairs.

I look around the house where I've spent my whole life. It's different now... it's empty. It's missing something. Someone. I just need to know what happened. I'm just missing pieces in my mind; Little bits of time that are just grey. I don't understand. There has to be something missing, or I really am going crazy.
I can't be going crazy. I need someone to tell me I'm not insane.
But what if I am?

When she reappears she brings David down with her, and they both stop in front of me. He clears his throat,
"Listen, son-"
I cut him off with a blank stare and harsh tone,
"I am not your son."

He straightens his back and rolls his shoulders, making sure his head is held high,
"I'm sick to death of your attitude!"

Silence fills the room momentarily before I place my hands in my lap,
"How did I suffer from memory loss?"

David sighs. I've always been too scared to ask them what really happened, afraid to bring up a subject so strictly avoided.
Mum steps forward and places her hand on his arm, giving it a supportive squeeze,
"Your father and I have decided that's not something you need to know."

"Well then, I need to know why I had a dream of Jamie and I in a car."

Another topic that's been danced around for years. She used to live here and then out of nowhere she was erased from our lives. She was gone, her pictures were taken down, her things were gone. The superglue of our family: never coming back.

David swallows deeply and looks away from me, suddenly seeming interested in the ceiling,
"You and her were in a car accident once. Nothing much, just minor."

I nod slowly and try to word my next sentence carefully,
"I keep dreaming of this boy, but I can't see his face. We're sitting on the playground, but then something happens."

David narrows his eyes and shakes his head,
"Sounds like a faggot dream to me. Let me tell you boy, if you're a fag you have a whole storm coming."

He waits a moment before he lifts up both of us fists, and introduces one as 'whole' and one as 'storm'.

I stand up out of the chair with a burning sensation in my chest,
"So what if I fucking am!"

His face reddens slightly and he takes a jerky step away from me,
"It would be literal hell."

Breathing heavily, I walk over to him and put my face right in front of his. The words seep out of my mouth like poison,
"I guess you're living your worst nightmare then."

He pushes me back by the chest and then wipes his hands on his pants. He takes a step towards me but I'm already turning around and sprinting up the stairs. When I get to my room I slam the bedroom door shut behind me and slide down it, tears streaming down my face.

His opinion doesn't matter so why am I crying? Stop crying stop crying stop crying. Fuck him, they're just angry tears. He doesn't matter anyway.
Why is my chest so tight?

I quickly scrummage through my sock draw until I find exactly what I'm looking for: beer. Screwing the lid off, I immediately get to work on drinking as much as I can.
Have to get through the night somehow.

His yelling from downstairs travels through the walls of the house into my room.
Ignore him, it doesn't matter. He doesn't matter. Only dickheads are homophobic anyway.

I look at all the empty bottles discarded around the room. Maybe when I wake up in the morning I'll be too hungover to remember. I pick up a bottle and throw it against the wall, watching it shatter in every direction.
I'll do anything to numb the sting of rejection.

I crawl over to my bed and pull myself in. Grabbing my phone, I turn it on to see no notifications. Have I always been this alone?
I throw my phone across the room and watch it bounce off of the wall and hit the ground.

What the fuck am I doing?

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I feel like this chapter is a bit all over the shop? If it doesn't make sense you can message me or comment and I'll explain it to you!!!