Chasing Colours

26. The Will to Live

(Edith)

The next few days went by in a daze. The officers created a ruckus, hurrying us to dismantle many campsites as fast as possible. They would get visibly agitated when the work was slow. We would see more and more SS officers walking in and out of the women's camp section.

A deafening blast was often heard in crematoriums as they were sent up in grenade blasts. Nobody dared to ask what was going on, we had continued working as we were told to. Our days got longer and with that, more and more people perished to exhaustion, disease and torture.

With Rosalyn gone, Harriet had gotten quieter then she fell sick. I usually read the prayers Rosalyn had scribbled onto the walls to get her days going.

A lot of people were often called out in a bunch and had been shifted to other camps. More and more male prisoners would be brought to the women's site. As that happened, with the numbers leaving from our barrack, the numbers never seemed to lower as more of them would come to take their place.

Although there were male prisoners who roamed with us, I couldn't find Arno.

For days, I would try to slip into the men's quarters somehow trying to search for Arno. Disappointed, I would return back each night. Harriet would threaten to tell the kapos, hoping that would stop me from going. It had after all gotten a lot more dangerous.

My only argument to that would be, 'What could be more dangerous than being here?'

One night, I had finally realised that my luck had run out.

As I had sneakily tried to make my way back, I was met with three male officers in th cold night, with one of them being the part of the SS.

I recognised one of them being the officer who had caught my eye the day I had first come to the camp. My body shook with fear and cold as I was ordered to stop.

The two kapos had bunched my hair getting me to kneel. With every beg of mine to let me go, I had gotten a slap across my face. Their breaths smelled of alcohol and cigarettes.

SS officer spoke up, grabbing my collar and raising me to my feet, "German, aren't you?"

I whimpered. He ordered, screaming at my face, "Say, yes or no!" I nodded furiously, stuttering out a "Y-yes" through my voice that threatened to collapse.

With that, he tore my feeble fabric of my dress to my waist. I looked desperately from one face to another, begging them to have mercy.

As I timidly tried to cover my naked chest, the kapos swatted my hand away, pinning them behind me.The SS officer walked his way towards me, chuckling. His hand took hold of my breast, kneading it violently.

I let out a sharp cry and closed my eyes. He further commanded, "Look at me!"

As I opened my eyes, I felt a lash of whip on my chest. The sound had rung in my ears. The kapos let my go of my hand as I collapsed to the ground.

Was I finally going to die?

As I was continued being manhandled, I heard a lady's voice. I turned to look to my side. I had never been happier seeing a SS officer. I desperately tried to meet her eyes hoping she would stop it. She didn't look at me.

"Herr, you have gathered an audience." she spoke to the SS officer standing in front of me.

The officer looked around him seeing the lady kapos and a few prisoners looking at him.

I continued looking at the she-officer as she spoke, "You could take it somewhere else."

My eyes widened.

No. No. Please.

My breath got rugged and tears gushed out of my eyes, uncontrollably.

The male officer looked down at me and clicked his tongue. He kicked my stomach making me grunt. Spitting out on my form, he left with his kapos. I had continued to look down, cries instinctively leaving my mouth, getting hoarse with each sound.

The she-officer commanded the kapos to take me inside. The kapos hauled me upwards, forcing me to drag my feet inside. I didn't meet their eyes. My knees threatened to give up. It was getting darker.

I was thrusted new pair of clothes to which I changed to quietly, wincing at every movement of my limbs. The lash across my chest burnt fresh.

I reached my barracks and had slowly made my way next to Harriet. I had let myself plop next to her. I couldn't meet her eyes.

Harriet's voice was getting more distant. Quiet tears gushed down my dried eyes as I stared at the walls. I couldn't form an expression.

"Edith, what happened? Edith?"

Before I could say a word, I had blacked out.

I had lost my will to live.