The Silence Between Us ✓

[9] In Your Dreams

VIA
I went home feeling pretty shit. But to be honest, that wasn't really any different from most days so I couldn't complain too much. I just couldn't get my head around it: what did Noah want? First he stalked me into Learning support 4 and then when that didn't work, tried to eavesdrop on my conversation with Mrs Porter. Who did he think he was?

I mean, I was flattered that he cared enough to want to know about me, but seriously? Stalking me really wasn't the answer. Also, I had to consider the fact that Noah could easily just be doing this to get to my secret and then spread it to his friends like Harrison. I saw them both exchanging looks in Chemistry, so you never know do you? He really could still just be trying to make a laughing stock out of me.

All I cared about at this point was that it was finally Friday, which meant no school for a week thank God. I don't think I would have survived another day in there after the week I'd had with everything going on with Noah. And don't forget this was only the first week of Year 11! Honestly, things really would turn to shit by the time I left at this rate.

XXX

"How was school honey?" My mum asked me as I turned into the kitchen. She never insisted we talk after school every day, but I was pretty sure she wanted me to and would enforce it if it didn't already happen. As I've said before, she's way too optimistic when it comes to my 'condition', as everyone called it, and her views just weren't practical

Oh, it was fine. I signed and then felt guilty when I saw her face fall for the millionth time. I decided to make it up through elaboration, though to be honest, I knew she would always be disappointed unless I told her that I'd made friends. Mrs Porter's making me go to a BSL class

"You already know BSL," She said confused "Why would you need to go?"

Apparently, I'm helping out in it not actually learning because I'm so competent or something?

"Well, I guess it can't hurt." She said shrugging and picked up another dish to dry.

Do you want any help with that? I asked politely. I don't know why – it must have had something to do with the fact that I still felt bad. It wasn't my fault and yet I treated it like it was.

"Oh wow, yes please!" She replied handing me another tea towel. It hurt that she was so surprised that I was willing to help her, but I did spend a lot of my time alone in my bedroom. It was just habit I guess.

My brother decided to join a few minutes later and already he was annoying me

"How's your BOYFRIEND then Via?" I wanted to stick my middle finger up at him, but all things considered (AKA my mum was in the room) I had to resort to scowling at him. He just laughed smugly back

"Theo we've talked about this," My mum turned around and glared at him "We can easily turn this around to Phoebe!"

"MUM! Don't talk about Phoebe" I smirked smugly and got back to towelling down the plate I was holding. "She doesn't even like me!"

Of course she does! I replied.

"No she doesn't – she's going out with Garret now!"

Theo, you're in year six. I'm pretty sure relationships at that age don't really mean anything anyway!

"But you know who isn't too young for relationships?" He smiled indicatively and I made another face. "Ok, ok fine I'll leave it!"

Thank you! I replied.

"No, but in all seriousness Via, how is your English Coursework going?" My mum asked, "You know you have to pass it all to get on the course you want to!"

I know mum! To be honest though, not passing English would really be the worst-case scenario. That and Elliot were the only thing getting me through my shitty life at this point, and I couldn't mess it up for someone like Noah. It's all going fine anyway!

"Good good, just checking!" When it came to my mum she was always 'just checking'. I supposed she did really care about me though so I could never dislike her if I tried.

XXX

I went upstairs after that as the conversation wasn't exactly going places and I actually had better things to be getting on with. That's what I told my mum anyway.

Hi

When would this guy give up already? Hasn't he done enough by now? I had half a mind to just ignore him after the stunt he pulled today, but remembering what my mum said, I quickly typed a hi in response.

Look...

Are you going to apologise to me or what because I'm not going to lie, I really need an explanation

Sheesh. I really did need to stop being so direct with him; it wasn't exactly doing either of us any favours at this moment in time.

Erm... I guess...

I guess that you really don't know anything about privacy or respect

I'm just trying to explain myself

Well get on with it then

I don't know why I was so angry – in all fairness it wasn't really bad enough to go this nasty on him but it felt like I was finally telling him all the things I wanted to say to him and his friends for the past year. It was like I had finally exploded, and that was never going to end well.

It's not even like the conversation with Mrs Porter revealed anything anyway

Because that matters so much. What if it had been really important? You're ridiculous

I just... wanted to know what was going on with you

We've been speaking for a WEEK Noah. What gives you the right to go snooping in my life?

I don't know. It's just...

And what about me? I could have gone and stalked you as well. Probably would have found you spreading everything I'd ever said to you to your mates.

No! I would never do that to you

Right. And I'm guessing you've never said anything nasty about me either?

I really was in a mood, I couldn't deny it. But I also couldn't deny that I wasn't justified; after all, Noah did stalk me and try to eavesdrop on my conversation with Mrs Porter. He didn't have a leg to stand on in that respect. I looked down at my phone, again to discover the dreaded three grey dots that always caused me so much anxiety. It was ridiculous – what could he say now that would be so bad? – but I still got that tight feeling in my stomach.

Ok. I deserve that. But, just, I don't know. I don't know what to say to you because I know how I acted last year can't be excused. I can't tell you that I was in the right because I wasn't and I'm sorry. I really can't say sorry enough because I can't imagine what that's like. But I also can't imagine it because yes, I've spoken to you for a week, but I don't feel like I know any more about you than I did before. And I know it's not a rule that whilst doing the English coursework I have to get to know you, but honestly, I want to and you keep dodging all of my questions. I just want you to let me in. I would never tell anybody like Harrison, I promise. I just want to get to know you more than anything.

Well, that was one hell of a text message. I knew that I should probably have started to trust him at this point, but honestly, I'd been let down that many times that I didn't know how. I didn't know what to say to him because I'd never actually properly had to explain why I didn't speak: people just knew or they didn't. Either someone had told them, or they were like Noah and just had to deal with their curiosity without ever receiving answers.

I didn't know if I was ready for a friendship like the one I'd enter with Noah. What would it even be like? Again, the ideas of practicalities came into my head and in many ways, I knew it would never work. But I had to try, right?

Ok. But I'm not going to answer everything at once. Just... let me do it in my own time.

I can be patient.

I had never felt so scarily satisfied in my life.