Me of Tomorrow

So Over It

I'm a mess. The incident last week has affected my morning routine and work even the late night trips back home making my life go more downhill if that's even possible. I've become jumpy to the slightest noise and repulsed by sudden skin contact. I've also been afraid to leave the house before sunrise so I've been coming in late for work which also resulted to a more annoyed, more rage-induced Sarah. Ty has also been obviously convinced that I've developed a trauma so he and Peter has been coming to my apartment just to make sure I can sleep well. It's a drag but I can't reject their benevolence and l'm also quiet relieved to have someone with me at least in the confines of my place. 

Today I'm trying to feel better. I've decided to focus on the more important aspects of my everyday life such as the countless pile of revisions that I have to do rather than letting my thoughts linger on my fears. It's hard, annoying to be more precise yet this is the only way I can think of to actually get over it. I don't want to worry my friend anymore and just get back to my usual routine because the only endpoint now is to actually get fired from my work and that's the last thing that I want to happen.

"Piece of shit!" Sarah suddenly shouts from her office. Everyone in the floor froze from their work and made a silent prayer that it's not them that have caused the uproar. I can hear the screech of her office chair as she push it away from the desk and the clicks of her heels as she storms to her target. 

It's me.

"You damn piece of shit! I cannot believe you've made another crap of work! You're not even worth the pay and you dare to mess up!?" I bite my lips, a mannerism I developed to hold myself back from retorting to her insults. "How hard is it to look over a piece of paper just to check a damn spelling!?" Damn hard if you can't even do that on your own. "Huh, I get this. You're sabotaging me." What is she on? "I've heard that you've been here long before me. Five years was it? Yet you're still at this cubicle trying to get over your pathetic life. Let me get this to you straight and in simple words so you can understand it. YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO GET PROMOTED. YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A WASTE OF AIR AND SPACE HERE. So, if I were you, I'd pack my bags myself and leave." Did she just fire me? No, it can't be. She didn't actually say the words. She's telling me to resign on my own? I finally look at her and boy do I regret it. She's smirking triumphantly that as if she has long forgotten the reason why she's mad at me and more focused on the fact that she's trampling on my pride. 

I stood up, surprising her. I was after all, taller than she is even with her heels. I look at her directly on her eyes and let a minute of silence fall between us. If she thinks I'm giving up, she's wrong. She said it herself, I've been here longer than she is. Unlike her, this place is my lifeline. Resigning on my own is something I'd never do so she better man up and tell me I'm fired if she wants me gone. "No, I'm not leaving. I can do better. I'm sorry." I will swallow my pride if it means staying. I still have the upper hand on this. She'll never actually fire me. She needs me more than she thinks she do. How else can she go on her extra rendezvous if I don't do her work for her? It'll be forever before she can find someone like me. 

The smirk from her face was swiped away in a flash. She didn't expect me to take this so calmly. She has said the most shameful words but I'm an iron wall. This is just one of those embarrassing moments I have already experienced under her. This is nothing. "You wouldn't?" I held my stare. "Then you wouldn't like what I'll say next." A chill ran up my spine. No. I was so sure. She wouldn't do that, would she? She smiles, the smile that decides everything. "Pack your crap, Price. You're fired." 

No.

She didn't just say that.

I'm pretty sure I just heard it wrong. I have to get it together. 

"Sarah, I-"

"Nothing. You're fired." 

The words echo with intense loathing. I was here for five years. I was struggling for so long, I endured it so why now? Now of all the other times it could've happened. 

The next thing I know, I'm inside a loud room with blinding colorful lights. Everyone's laughing, dancing and drinking. It's not an unfamiliar place but I've never really frequented it as well. I hated the noise and the smell of booze. I hated this place and yet, it's where I decided to go to. Anyway, what's the worst thing that could happen? The worst already did earlier and nothing can amount to that, not even an Elliot Price vomiting in front of all these people. Not that I'd actually do that.

I ordered drinks after drinks and let the ill-scented liquid drown my problems. I've been hated, shunned, assaulted and humiliated. Not to mention, the failure I've underwent the moment I stepped out of university. The life I've always wanted, coveted by someone else who doesn't deserve it. Sarah's right. I'm pathetic. I am more than pathetic. I am a low-life who can't even get his life together, even after five years. I'm so pathetic I should just, wait, no. I can't go to that territory. It's not right. No matter how distressed I felt, I can't just decide to do that. Ty wouldn't be able to take it even maybe Peter. I am pathetic but I can't easily give up. If I didn't want this life I would've ended it five years ago.

The lights are annoying. My head's throbbing like crazy. Am I still at the bar? No, this is the dance floor. What am I doing here? I can't even dance. This is ridiculous. Ty and Peter will worry again. I should check my phone. They might've called me. They said they were also coming over tonight. "Hey, are you alright?" Huh? Who are you? "You're extremely drunk you can't even stand." Am I? That's a surprise. I don't like drinking. By the way, you have a nice voice. It's soothing and you sound nice and hot. Yeah, hot. Are you by chance gay? Because I am and it would be good if we hook up or something. "Hey! Hey! Don't sleep on me!" Who's sleeping? Wake him up. That would be bad. Sarah will get mad.