Me of Tomorrow

Captured

We ended up not going through the date and going on his flat instead. I was too out of it to think rationally. Axon doesn't deserve this after all the effort he exerted. No, he doesn't deserve me. What was I even thinking when I agreed to go on a date with him? I'm too far off his radar. It's an illusion to ever think of us being together. "I'm sorry Axon. This is obviously a mistake. I'll pay for the reservations. I'll try to find a way to get money, just give me the receipts." He doesn't respond and a heavy silence fall between us. I knew it. I've ruined it. He hates me now. "Axon-I."

"This is not a mistake, Elliot."

"Huh? Axon, I ruined the date. We're so different with each other. I'm sorry. I probably lead you on. Just forget about this, ok? You deserve someone better." I don't know why but it just made him more upset. His fists clench on his side and he refuses to look at me. "Do you mean that?" 

"Mean what?"

"What you just said."

I take a deep breath. "I do."

He closes his eyes, rubs the sides of his forehead. "I can't believe this. You know it was me who asked you out, right?" I nod. "You didn't lead me on Elliot. I was the one who went after you." Oh. "But-" He stands in front of me and grabs by chin upwards lightly towards him. "It's not your fault. You did nothing. Do you understand?" I nod again without thinking. "Now tell me, what is this all about? Is it because I'm younger? Five years is not much Elliot." It is for me. I look away from him and move farther into the corner of the couch. "I feel pathetic." I mumble more to myself than to him. The other side of the couch dips with his weight. "I don't really care if you're unemployed or a part timer."

"But I do! Look at you! You've just graduated and now you're taking your masters! It was something I had the chance to do but I didn't! I've been so full of it I ruined my whole life! I'm a failure Axon! I'm just a pathetic 27-year old man who can't even buy himself a decent meal! You and I are worlds apart. You could just be playing with me then when you're over it, you'll throw me away and find someone better. You can do that Axon but I can't take it! I wouldn't be able to take any more reason to be even more pathetic. Not anymore, Axon. I've already lost so much." The tears start falling again. I never knew I was this miserable. It doesn't help that looking at Axon feels like it's being shoved down on my face. 

"I wouldn't do that to you." I whip my head to him. His face is unreadable. "I was never the type to go after someone. They call me a playboy. I don't sleep with anyone more than two times. I don't want anything to do with relationships. I hate getting attached. I can't bear the thought of it. But I went after you Elliot. That must mean something, right?" He finally looks at me and I'm almost taken back at how naked his emotions are. "Can't you feel it? We have just met but I never felt like playing you. Not once did I think of just throwing you away. Heck, it even scares me to touch you and I hate that. It's not just me. Yet, I am here. Look at me Elliot. I am here."

I remember the day I woke up at his bed and saw him by the door. He was wearing such a playful smile that I didn't trust being on the same room as him. I also think of that day when we met by chance at the cafe. He came to me, talked to me even if Peter was so adamant on chasing him away. I knew right then he's a fire that will just get me burned but I still took the risk. I've already decided to let Axon have his way even if I knew I could get hurt but here I am pulling away like a coward. I'm just embarrassing myself with my indecisiveness and immaturity. 

"I'm sorry." I mutter against my hands. 

Axon moves closer to me, takes my hands to his showering it with light kisses. "Give it a chance Elliot because I'm willing to do it . If this doesn't work out I'll end it. I'll disappear from your sight. Just please, don't say we aren't meant for each other. We'll never know that unless we try, ok?" I can't do anything but nod in response like I've been doing everytime he asks me a question. How can he be so sweet? "Also, you aren't pathetic Elliot." I don't believe him with this one. "I mean it. You're strong, stronger than anyone else I've known and that's saying something since I obviously know a lot of people. You just missed your chance. Now, you're moving forward. It starts here. Things will start to get better now." It's an exaggeration but it's soothing to hear those words. He doesn't exactly know what I'm feeling, why I consider myself pathetic but I let him coax me. I needed it, more than anything else. If I can't think that way myself then at least someone is.

I fell asleep after calming down. I woke up in Axon's familiar room but he's nowhere to be found so I take the chance to actually look around. It oddly feels and looks different. Is it because of the fatigue? I don't know but I'm not complaining. Everything's the same aside from the neatly folded pile of clothes on the small coffee table placed near the window. 

I realize I'm not wearing the clothes I was wearing earlier anymore. It's the same t-shirt Axon changed me to when he brought me here. "Hey." I turn my head and see Axon at the bedroom door holding a tray of what looks like pastries and coffee. "I don't think drinking coffee at this time of the day is fitting." He smirks, the kind of smirk that makes him ten times more hotter. I shy away from him, hoping that he can't read my reaction. "You need the caffeine. These cakes are the best around here. It's given to me by a close friend of mine." I purse my lips. I wonder what kind of friend he's talking about? Is it the kind of friend you just hang out with or the kind where you do things more than that? I'm being childish for getting jealous but I can't help it. We're not even going out yet. I'm being an idiot. 

I hear him chuckle while approaching the table I was facing and putting down the tray on it. "It's the kind of friend who already has a boyfriend." I look at him incredulously. Did I say that loudly?  "No Elliot. It's written on your face." I frown at him. I can't be that easy to read. "Yes, you are." 

"Shut up. You should respect me. I'm older than you."

He raises an eyebrow. Why does he look so sexy by doing that? "So now you're using the older card?"

I shrug. "When I find it convenient. Does it get to you?" His eyes changes, not literally but more like he suddenly looked serious, sensually serious. He takes a step closer to me and I step back in response. We repeat it until I fall down on the bed and he's on top of me. "Still think it'll make a difference?" I gulp down some air. It's not tasty but I sure know what's going to be if I could just lean forward a little. No! Bad thoughts! Don't get ahead of yourself Elliot. He's younger. You should be the one commanding this relationship. Not that it can be considered one. "Axon, what are we?" 

"What do you want us to be?"

"It's just the second time that we've seen each other."

"Third."

"No, I didn't get to see you clearly the first time. I was drunk. When I woke up here doesn't count." 

"So?"

"I should be the mature one here."

"But?"

"I want you."

 As if a bomb ticking, everything explodes; my rationality and my senses. Axon kisses my forehead then the bridge of my nose then my nose, then he kisses my cheeks until he reaches my lips. He bites it urging me to open up to him. I let him enter, our tongues dancing harmoniously with each other. It feels so wrong but right at the same time. We shouldn't be doing this yet but I can't deny my feelings. I'm falling deeper and deeper into Axon Mayer's world and I don't think there's still an escape. None anymore, if it feels so magical like this.