Me of Tomorrow

Restart

I ran away after he, they, saw me. When I saw them together it felt like reality came crashing down my face, it was hard and painful. Axon did try to run after me as I felt him hold unto me but the guy he was with held him back and what pains me even more is that he did. It was enough to tell me how much power he has over Axon, something like me can never have. The next days were a struggle but I can't let my newfound beginning to crash as well so I went on with it like nothing happened, like Elliot is not breaking from the inside. I thought I was able to hold it well and that no one saw beneath the surface but Ty and Peter have been with me for so long that they just knew the moment they laid eyes on me and including the fact that I practically begged them to cancel my congratulatory party. I didn't have the mind to tell them what happened slightly because no matter how much this whole situation hurts me, I don't want Peter to hurt Axon. I still feel attracted to him regardless and just like how your first love doesn't die down that easily so as the next ones after it. Not that I'm saying I love him already but what I feel is certainly close to it.

"You know if you don't tell us what happened, we'll just have to directly ask Axon." Ty threatened while ironically looking adorable with the way he has his arms crossed and lips pouted. I caught myself almost physically stopping him which Peter easily caught and made him more convinced to do as what his husband just told me. "I, please, don't involve Axon. This is my problem." It's partly true because I was the one who let him in even though I already knew he's just going to play with my feelings and throw it down the curb even after all those dramatic words he oh so casually threw off as if they mean something. They don't and now I'm here. "Come on Ty, Peter. Just let me be. You should just be happy instead that I already have a full time work to channel my creative energy on. Can't you see? I'm having fun." Obviously, they aren't convinced. I may be smiling but they can also see that inside, I am not. It's true that I am enjoying what I'm doing now and more than thankful that Theresa gave me this wonderful opportunity but there are just things that didn't match up. My suppose relationship with Axon didn't and that sucks but I'll be fine.

"You can block me on your phone all you want but you can't stop me from finding you." I turned my back so hard I can almost hear the wind swoosh through me. "What the hell!? What are you doing here Axon!?" I whispered-screamed at him. It's ridiculous how amazing he still looks in my eyes even after he broke my heart. This is why it's hard to fall for attractive men. You can get over the feelings but not over their face and body for Axon's case. "I'm here for you Elliot. I've been looking for you. I went everywhere just to find you. Heck I even went and talked to Ty and Peter. You know how hard that is for me knowing that they're probably after my head already." I look around, trying to see if my colleagues are in for the gossip. Fortunately, they aren't.

I drag Axon to the lounge room locking the door after me just to make sure no one would suddenly barge in while things between us get heated and when I say heated I actually mean when we end up arguing not the kind of heated where we pin each other on the wall and do the dirty, nope not that. "How did you even get to enter? Isn't there anyone in front? Wait, did you sneak in? Axon, you can't do that! Why did I even bring you here? You should leave." I'm panicking but Axon remained calmed. He hold me down and as much as I hate to admit it, I felt relieved to feel his warm hands on my arms. "Calm down El. It's alright. There was someone in front. I know the owner of this place. He's a good friend of mine. He was actually the one who told me you are here." I stopped fidgeting but let him hold me anyway. I'm a sucker and I know it. "How did he even know me? What do you mean you know the owner? I haven't seen him since I started working here." Axon pulls me carefully to the couch by the corner with our bodies closer to each other than it should be. "That friend I am talking about, he's the one who was with me that day you came to my flat." I have this automatic reaction of flinching away from him. The thought from that day still pains me and hearing him confront it now like it's nothing is making my stomach churn.

I pull away from him, stand despite myself and try to focus on the fact that I'm still at work so I can't breakdown. "Elliot, please listen to me. I know it's hard to believe this but he's just a friend. Yes, I admit we were together for a few months before but that's just it. Now, we're just friends." I cringe more. I never knew I was this low to not like hearing about Axon's past escapades. I'm exactly the kind of person in a relationship that I hate—toxic and possessive. "I hate myself right now Axon. I shouldn't be feeling like this. I didn't even allow you to explain. I was so jealous I didn't know what to do. I don't even want to hear anything about your past relationships or whatever you want to call them. I hate it Axon and I shouldn't be. That time, when I saw you with him I just felt so out of place, like I'm the one who doesn't belong there. I don't want to doubt you, I swear but I can't do it if I can't even accept myself." It's amazing how I haven't cried still.

"No, stop dragging yourself down. I was in the wrong. You are amazing Elliot, in every way. It's my fault why everything became a mess. I should've stopped you that day and explained everything."

"Then why didn't you come after me?"

"Warren, my friend, when he stopped me, it was because he had a flashback. He was left by someone he loved so much before that way and he wasn't able to stop him. It was his reflex acting up." It sounded so absurd I found it hard to believe. "He snapped out of it after awhile but it was too late to catch up to you. He felt so sorry that he did everything to help me find you after you blocked me. I didn't know you moved out."

"I didn't. I was just staying at Ty and Peter's house, well, to hide from you."

"And you succeeded." I can almost feel the regret with how bitter he said it. He might've really went on his way to look for he if he found out I wasn't on my apartment anymore. I what he said settle on my mind for awhile before talking again. I'm being a hypocrite for saying before that Axon is an extremely jealous and possessive person when in fact I'm just the same way. I wonder if we can really make this work. It hasn't been long and I already broke down twice. It's not him who's going to ruin this relationship. It's me.

"Don't even go there, El. I know what you are thinking. Don't blame yourself. I know this is hard for you but I will not just throw you away, no matter how convinced you are that I will. I told you I'm willing to risk it. You can blame yourself all you want but I'll always tell you that you're amazing and perfect in every way, until you believe it. Please El, I'm not giving you up so please don't give up on me."

So I don't. No matter how scared I am that it'll just become a cycle; us making up then me doubting myself and pulling away from him, I don't want to give him up. Not now, not in the near future. I might not get better in the next days but he'll be there. Axon promised to remind me that I matter so I believe him. I believe him again even if it might hurt me again.