Me of Tomorrow

Past and Present

Ugh.

There's only one word that can describe what I am feeling right now and it's disgusted. I don't know if it's meant to be for me or for the several encounters I had before I met Elliot. I had this reflection right when I came back from his friends' house to see their children that I'd do anything to turn back time and set my life right just so I can tell Elliot that I've been a good person, so that I can let him look at me without him seeing the dirt of a person that I once was. 

"What's with the ridiculously annoying expression?" 

"Brooklyn." 

"What?"

"Am I a bad person?"

Brooklyn was almost surprised to hear the question. Almost. "What exactly is the kind of bad we're talking about? You have to be more precise than that if you want me to understand your thoughts, Axon Mayers." I sigh deeply, deep enough to reach the end of the world if it even exists. "Do you think I'm a bad person for playing with people's feelings?" She sips her coffee and looks at me with bored, judging eyes. "I thought you didn't play with anyone's feelings? You were a man of words, right? It's their fault for falling for you."

"Ugh! That's exactly what I'm talking about! I realized it Brooke; that I was stupid to think that I didn't play with their feelings. Damn I even slept with them for the heck of it. I treated their feelings like a trash, Brooke, I did."

"Oh, so nice of you to finally realize that, excuse me for my wordings, douchebag. So, what made you come up with the realization?" It was annoying how she can look so smug yet relieved at the same time. 

"Elliot." I don't even have to think about it. All that's happening to me right now is directly connected to Elliot. I said it. I love him and want nothing else right now but to make things right and fulfill our dream of having a family together. Few months ago my life is a complete 180 degrees from how it is right now and as much as I want to be afraid of this change, I feel nothing but excitement and fulfillment. For once I felt like my life's at the right track.

"Why did I even ask? It's wonderful dear cousin how once upon a time you treat love as something unattainable. I must say I am delighted that you finally found the light at the end of the tunnel. I knew Elliot was the right one for you. Anyway, how is he? Is he doing better? The man is a personification of walking problems. Has he finally found himself?" It comforts me to know that even Brooke cares for Elliot. This is what he needs more than anything; the assurance that people cares for him. "Better. I finally told him I love him and well, he cried but he said he loves me too so that's all good. That's primarily the reason why I even reflected. I just want things to be good for him now. I'm afraid that my past, well not so past, will affect what we have. I don't want to hurt him."

She closes her laptops, takes a final sip of her coffee and hands it over to the girl at the counter. "Then why don't you start by being honest with him? I hope you haven't forgotten that the event is this weekend. It's about time for him to know the people around you Ax so he knows you're the real deal." She turns to the door and waves her right hand. "Wear formal!"

Is this how it felt when I told Elliot to meet my parents? It's just my friends but I'm extremely nervous. I kept looking at the mirror checking if my necktie is positioned right and my hair well-kept. 

Brooke's book launches are as fancy as it can get. She's the top author of the best publishing house in the country. She's practically treated as a royalty, her novels a masterpiece. She used to sell only about 50 copies of her book on selected bookstores across the town but when she wrote her bestselling book, 'The Magical Encounters of X and Y', her world turned upside down with thousands of copies sold nationwide and on the next years worldwide. Her success didn't stop there with all her next releases valuing at the same scale. Her talent's immeasurable. She can make you feel sad, happy and excited with a sentence or two, think of your past, present and future in one chapter. She has became popular so a lot of important people will also be present at the launch, people who are actually part of the circle we grew up in. 

I am more than thrilled to brag about my relationship with Elliot. He made me better so he deserves nothing but to be admired by the people around us but I am afraid that everything will be overwhelming for him, that he'll hear things about me and think, no, realize that I am not the one for him. I don't doubt his love but I am afraid of the different circumstances that can set us apart.

"Ax, are you alright?" I look at Elliot and he's breathtaking as always. I almost questioned if this is a reality. 

I force a smile at him pushing down all my worries. "Boo, do you love me?" His eyes widens in surprise then he blushes, looks away and bites his sumptuous red lips. "I love you." He doesn't even question me. He said it so shyly but with honesty. "I love you too." 

I can see in his eyes that he's worried and scared as well. It's not always that he gets to attend events like this and specially in a suit. On the other hand, I am more than used to it but I can't tell him that. It can only add to the pressure that he his feeling. It hurts me to see his beautiful face tainted with uncertainty.

We arrive at the hotel lobby and I leave my car with the valet, surprising Elliot. He latches to my side and I reach down to his hand and entwines our fingers sending both of us the comfort we are seeking. "Don't worry. I am here." 

We were escorted to the celebration hall by Brooklyn's manager, Maria, a tall woman on her early 40s you can easily mistake as a model. She has strong but teasing personality like Brooke as testified by the meaningful smirk she shot me at the elevator while Elliot's not looking. They might've been gossiping about us when they're together. The hall is lined with golden fixtures and grand chandeliers. There is no stage as it is not needed but in front is a small set-up of a microphone on a stand and a quartet playing the classics in the background. 

"Axon, what is this?" I whip my head down to Elliot and realize my mistake. How can I be so stupid? Of all the things I can forget, I chose to forget telling Elliot what this event is all about? I should be thankful he even agreed to come with me without knowing it. "I'm sorry boo. I taught I told you." 

He giggles adorably making me sigh silently in relief. "You didn't but I guess I got used to it."

"Hm? What do you mean by that?"

"You surprising me with things. I guess I just trust you that much." Father in heaven, how can I be so blessed with this amazingly wonderful human being? I might've been a saint during my past life. "Um, this is Brooklyn's book launch."

"Brooklyn?" His eyebrows furrows in confusion but his hold tightened on my hand making me believe he is jealous. I leaned down to kiss his forehead effectively assuring him that I'm not talking about a competition, not that there is anyone. 

"Brooklyn Gray. She's an author and my second cousin."

"I think I heard her name before but I can never be sure. I wanted to read but books are- I don't have time." Book are expensive— that's what he wanted to say but I knew he still finds it shameful to say anything about how he was struggling. It doesn't matter to me and I've told him that many times. I was never the one to judge someone for his background and anyone can tell that Elliot is as sincere as a person can be. After all this time he never took advantage of me nor asked me to pay for anything. He has pride and dignity, two of the countless things I adore about him. "It's supposed to be a secret but I don't really like reading. She forces me to read her work so I have no choice but I can't also say I hate it. She writes pretty well."

"That is a wonderful display of honesty, Axon. I am greatly amazed." Brooke looks more groomed than she usually is with her body hugging black dress and neatly adored hair. 

"Who are you?" I question playfully.

She rolls her eyes on me and lightly pushes me aside untangling me from Elliot. I was ready to protest but was caught by surprise when she hugs him tightly and kisses both his cheeks. "It's good to see you Elliot. You look so handsome in that suit. I knew navy will fit you just right."