Unconditional

Chapter 8 Dark Side

Apparently I spoke too soon about everything working-because suddenly, it stopped. With my wedding only two weeks away, this couldnt have happened at a more inconvenient time! Oh God, I sound like my mother As I sit in the doctors office listening to him has become boringhes just repeating himself using different words. The amount of red blood cells has almost completely outnumbered the amount of white blood cells, and the cancer has gotten too intense for the chemo to work any further. Im sorry, but, there isnt a lot more we can do at this point. Basically Im dying and they cant do anything.

Usually I love fall, its always been my favorite season, especially in New York. The breeze is cool, the trees are colorful with leaves varying from deep red to bright yellow, and the smells of hazelnut and caramel coffee, cinnamon and apples, and my favorite pumpkin spice- all fill the air. Thats one of the reasons we decided to have the wedding during October, but now- as I sit in my room staring out my window at the rain that has been down pouring for the past few days it doesnt give me the happy feeling that fall usually gives me instead it only adds to the dark feeling that continues to grow inside me.

This isnt me. I knew that. I always try to look on the bright side of things, only thats a little difficult when the sun hasnt shown in three days! Its just hard, knowing that the chances of me dying before I get to marry Justin is just about absolute

Jessica? My mother asks, knocking as she opens my door.

Hmm? I acknowledge her but continue to stare out my window.

Your father and I have been talking and, we think you should see someone. She says, sitting beside me.

What do you mean- like a shrink!? I widen my eyes at her.

No! Of course not. Its, a cancer support group.

A support group? Why?

Well, because you stay in that window seat all day, youre not yourself, Jessica!

I narrow my eyes at her, Well Im sorry that dying has affected my attitude.

You, are not, dying! She stutters.

Oh my God- mother, give it up! I shout.

She stays silent but looks at me.

Colbey has accepted it! Emilee has accepted it! Justins accepted it-even Ive accepted it-why cant you-

Because youre my daughter! She interjects her eyes glossy.

Now its my turn to be silent.

Because I cant accept it- and I wont accept it, until it happens!

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

Guess where I went the next day, a cancer support group. Maybe my mother actually had a good point. But as I sit here in a room full of teenagers who all have various cancers, I begin to doubt her- until a tall skinny girl with big blue eyes sits down beside me.

Hi! She chirps.

I smile as a reply.

Im Eliza. She continues.

I say nothing.

and you arree?... She inquires.

I sigh, Jess.

Well its nice to meet you Jess! She says-grabbing my hand and shaking it.

Taken by surprise I widen my eyes at her.

Oh, sorry, I didnt mean to invade your space. She says.

I laugh a little, Its ok.

Eliza is probably a good foot taller than me and her skin is pale, like paler than Emilee, with rosy cheeks and small freckles along the bridge of her nose. She doesnt have any hair but I can see where its starting to grow back.