Unconditional

Chapter 10 Faith

My wedding day was in three day's; and the question of whether we should have the wedding as planned or not, was a constantly reoccurring question. Honestly I didn't know anymore. I want to marry Justin-it's all that has been on my mind, but now... what if I die walking down the aisle!? How would anyone be able to forget that? I want to marry Justin more than anything, but... I can't do that to Justin-or Emilee or anyone for that matter!

The rain had stopped only once and it was only for an hour-it's a miracle it hasn't flooded. It's been raining for so long that it's almost become normal. The rain doesn't help with my pain. When it rains really badly, my joint's and hip hurt.

"Jess." Colby says.

"Hmmm?" I acknowledge his question.

I finally decided that staying in my room and blaming God for my problem's wouldn't solve anything. So I relocated to the living room, which is where I've been sitting most of the day, gazing out the window at the rain.

"Have you talked to mom today?"

I look at him somewhat confused. "No, why?"

"She said that Doctor Mapstone called her."

Now he has my attention. "And?!" I say, staring at him with wide eyes.

"I don't know. That's why I asked if you had talked to her."

"When did she tell you this?"

"About an hour ago."

"And you're just now telling me!?"

"I'm sorry, I was waiting for her to call back, and I guess she got busy at work."

Almost instantly, his phone rings.

"Hello?" Colby answers in an anxious voice.

I stare at him intently.

"Yes, Doctor Mapstone."

My heart starts to race.

"Y-yes," he glances at me "yes. I-I understand. Yes I'll let her know. Thank you." He hangs up the phone and looks at me.

"Colby?" I say almost breathless.

His eyes begin to fill with tears and my heart sinks.

"No! I can't die- not yet!" I shout.

"Jess." He says.

"How much longer!?" I continue, getting up and walking toward him.

"Jess."

"Colby I need to know how much longer I-"

"Jessica!" He says grabbing me by the shoulders. "You're cured." He continues.

"Wha.. what?" I start to tremble and I can feel the tears streaming down my face.

"You're in remission, Doctor Mapstone said it's a miracle, but the cancer is just, gone."

I sob and start to fall but Colby falls with me to my knees hugging me.

"You're going to be okay." He starts to cry.

In that moment, everything changed. I cried and thought to myself, it wasn't a miracle. It was God. Suddenly I thought of something, and broke from the hug.

"I have to tell Justin!" I say, standing and almost falling with the sudden movement.

"Take it easy, he said that it will take a while for you to feel like your self again."

"I'll take it easy, after, I tell Justin!" I say rushing out the door.

As I run to Justin's apartment, I don't care about the rain. I don't care about the distance. I don't care about the growing pain in my lung's. I don't care that I'm running out of breath; all I care about is getting to Justin and telling him that we can have the life we talked about. The only thing keeping me going at this point is pure adrenalin.

I finally get to Justin's apartment building and the doorman let's me up. Once I get out of the elevator on his floor, I rush to his door and knock on it, the rain was cold and my clothes are soaked so it left me shivering. But I almost can't stop the smile on my face, until the door opens. Justin's dad stand's in front of me.

"What are you doing here?" He asks.

"I need to tell Justin something."

"Why are you smiling?"

"Because I-"

"Do you not care that you're dying? My son believes that you'll get better, that in some miraculous way you will be cured- but I can assure you that it won't happen, no one can save you- no one!"

I couldn't stop the next word from coming out of my mouth, like I was no longer in control of my mouth.

"God." I say.

"God? In all of this you still believe in God!? He doesn't care! If he did he would have saved my wife! He doesn't care, because he doetsnt exist!"

"Yes he does!"

"There is no way you can make me believe that he does, not anymore."

"He does exist!"

"What proof do you have-"

"What proof do I have? God isn't something you can fabricate! Thing's happen that we don't understand but that doesn't mean that he doesn't care or that he doesn't exist! Even if he didn't exist why would you want to live in a world where he doesn't!?"

"Because it's the truth! How can you believe in him-"

"Because I would rather live in a world, believing that all the struggle's I've gone through, all the times that I could have broken down and given up but didn't, all the things that have happened to me are worth something in the end!"

"You still cannot prove that he real!"

"Me standing here-running here from my house-and still believing that I will get my wedding day, me standing here right now, that is my proof!"

He stays silent.

"Jessica?" Justin's voice comes from behind me.

I turn around and see him standing with his coat on and a wet umbrella. He hasn't been here.

"Justin!" I say-suddenly excited all over again.

"Baby, what are you doing here- where's you're coat? Who drove you here? Did you take a cab?" Justin questions.

"No. And no one drove me, I walked-more so ran-"

"Wait a second! You-you ran here!?" He interjects.

"Yes but listen-"

"Jessica! What the hell were you thinking!? You can barely climb your stairs, much less run a block-"

"Justin-" I try, but he doesn't listen.

"God, look at you baby, you're freezing." He says as he comes up to me and takes off his coat to wrap it around my shoulders. "What was running through your-"

"Listen!" I interrupt this time.

"What?" He sighs.

"Doctor Mapstone called."

"Are you ok??" Justin's face suddenly becomes worried, more worried than it had been.

"Yes. I am." I say starting to cry again.

"What do you mean?"

"Justin," I say stepping closer to him. "I'm gonna be okay."