My story

The beginning

***minor triggers***

It all started in middle school.
I was young and blind.
I laughed at it because I didn't know how to feel.
She was my friend, so it's okay right?
I called her my best friend.
She said not to tell anyone because it was just a joke and fun little game.

I don't remember what grade exactly, but I had a best friend. We shared everything with each other. She lived very close by, so we were always spending time with each other.
I remember her plain white walls, the little tv on the nightstand, the colorful blankets, the dark closet. I remember being so happy that we got to spend time together.
She told me I was beautiful.
The last day I ever went to her house is burned into my mind.
I remember her telling me to lay down.
I remember doing it, completely naive.
Her hands were cold and they ran up and down my body.
Her body pressed against mine.
"Hey I saw a video once. Let's play a game and try to recreate it! It'll be fun." She said.
I hesitantly agreed, thinking she would stop.
And was I wrong.
I can still feel her on top of me.
I can still feel her cold fingertips brushing against my skin.
I can still remember her trying to put her hands down my pants after I kept nervously questioning her.

I got up and went home that day, confused and scared.
Scared that I would get in trouble if I said anything. I mean it was a secret right?
And I couldn't loose my best friend.
That was the last time we ever saw each other outside of school.
I then learned to distance myself because of my fears of her touching me again.

Why didn't I say anything that day?

I kept my mouth shut in fear I would be harassed, bullied, disowned, and used.

I wasn't beautiful. Only an object to her.