My story

Is this love?

***trigger warning. Sexual situations and manipulation***

I brought this new boy into my life, and into my home with warm arms.
At first, my family wasn't so sure about him.

I mean cmon, the guy looked way older than he actually was.
But everyone grew to like him.

We started off well, and we clicked extremely well.
We were into the same things, we had the same sense of humor, we loved the same music, we both had this edge to us.
It was perfect to me.

The first red flag should've been when I lost my virginity to him, right before we even became a couple.
When he picked me up from my volunteer hours, and took me to his house.
It started off as just a simple kiss, and next thing I knew, my pants were pulled down, and we ended up having sex.
I trusted him, so I just let it happen.
I don't ever remember him asking if it was okay.
It was just the heat of the moment, and I let him without thinking twice.
But I loved him, right?

By December of 2017, within a month of meeting, we officially became a couple.
And I swear I thought I couldn't be happier.

I was living this dream that I always wanted.

Dating this awesome meal head, that I get to go support at his shows.
He was so affectionate and made me feel so wanted.

I will admit, he had our arguments here and there at first, but nothing was bad in the beginning.
It was all just normal, right?

Well, I'll be honest and say I heard a lot of bad things about him, and the previous girl he dated.
They were together throughout basically all of high school.
I heard he was toxic, and manipulative.
I heard he was a cheater, and was so controlling.
But I chose to ignore those things I heard.
And honestly it was a dumb reason as to why.
I just thought that maybe he was in the same situation I was in the previous year.
That one little thing happened that blew up.
I thought we were the same.

But as time went on, I ignored the red flags, that proved those things that people said about him, were right.

It started as small arguments.
Maybe a joke he would make that i didn't think was so funny, and then next thing I know, he'd be in this pit of self pity and hatred, all over something simple.
But I would try to help him out of it.

I was so wrapped around his finger.

Then it started getting worse.
Him not agreeing with things I'd wear out, or him being upset because I was best friends with my friend Al.
Him being upset because I wouldn't respond a specific way to him.
Or him accusing me of cheating because he felt insecure.
But I just always reassured him, and did what he wanted because I began to love him, and told myself I'd do anything to make sure he was happy.
Even if it meant pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

We had sex pretty often, or were sexually intimate often.
Even times I wasn't in the mood, I'd do it because I know he wanted to.
I did a lot of things just to make him happy.

And that included anything sexual, me not being able to wear a lot of my clothing simply because he didn't want me to, me cutting off a lot of my friends so he could be my one and only, me being a rebellious teenager with my parents so I could sneak out or do things with him that i wasn't supposed to.

Because of him, my parents and I developed a rocky relationship.
Most of my friends stopped talking to me because they didn't trust him.
But I was happy because I loved him, right?

God I wish I wasn't so oblivious.
I wish I would've listened.
I wish I would've payed attention to the red flags.
I wish I wasn't so blinded by my love for him.