My story

Junior year hell

L and I broke up during second semester of junior year.

I had lost most of my friends, people hated me for what 'I did', and I felt so alone.
I couldn't help but blame me too.

I continued with the self harm, and started to distance myself once again from everyone and everything.
Almost got into some fights here and there, all because most of the junior class hated my guts.
Everyone was on his side, and I was just a rotten piece of shit to everyone.

One of the only people that stayed my friend, was Al.
The sweet boy I met sophomore year in English class.
We so happened to have English together again junior year.
And he treated me the same way he always did.
With this bright smile and laughter.
He was kind to me when so many others weren't.

Al showed me, now one of my favorite books.
Milk and Honey.
And because of him showing me that poetry book, it helped me find my love for poetry, that I never realized I had.
Sure I used to write here and there, but him showing me that book, and telling me what it was about.
It was almost like flipping a switch in my mind.
Opening a door to something new.
And after that, I began writing like crazy.

I was alone and felt so unwanted, so my writing is what became my safe place.

As junior year became wrapped up, I became close with a friend of the recent ex, L.

This new friend was Curt.
Curt was a waterpolo and volleyball player.
He was nice, and we had a lot in common.
He also had a crush on me, and knew I was in a vulnerable spot, so he swooped in.
And I saw him as a knight in shining armor.

But in reality, I just didn't want to feel so alone.

People started talking once again.

Yup, I'm now officially a whore to every person in my class.

'Oh how could she even date his friend?'
'Only a slut would pull such a move.'

I couldn't even talk to A boy, without rumors going around.
People making games and bets as to how many people I've slept with.
Now that's low.

I cut it off with Curt soon after, because I was so tired of all the drama.

He was so hurt, and I felt no remorse for just getting up and leaving.

I was only trying to help myself at this point, because I was now my only friend.

The rest of junior year completely, and absolutely sucked.
I was being called names still, I was being occasionally shoved in the hallways or tripped by fellow peers.
I was getting all the dirty side eyes the second I walked into class.
People even asked teachers to move the seating chart, all so they wouldn't have to sit next to me.

It hurt, a lot.

Because now I'm just this bad guy, and even to this day, years later; I still feel like my side of the story doesn't matter.
And that it never will.
Because I can't change, that most people see me as some monster.
That I'm this terrible person that purposely tries to hurt people.

But that was never the case, and never will be.

I never meant to hurt anyone.