You Had Me at Goodbye

LONDON

"One year."

The breath spared at the period of her words goes inaudibly to my hearings. Instead, I hear a loud crack and shatter echoing in my ears as my heart breaks at the period of her sentence.

I have foreseen this. But reality does suffocate me more than the pictures I portrayed in my head.

"I'm sorry."

That is what I hear coming from her, following the end of the clink from the last piece of my shattered heart.

She is sorry.

But what is she even sorry for? I do not understand why people say they are sorry for an outcome they did not cause.

"It's okay. It's not your fault."

That is all I can say as I try to brush her uneasiness away after my silence. Blankly, I stare at the space next to her head although the corner of my eyes cannot help but catch a glimpse of her who is clearly trying to figure out what kind of chaos storming in my mind. But I cannot amuse her with any answer because right now all I have in my mind is basically nothing.

Nothing.

"A-are you okay?"

Am I?

To that question, I shift my attention to find a concerned look plastered on my best friend. She is worried, it is written all over her face.

"Do I have a choice?"

I do not think I have any choice other than to be okay. She is the one who has been pushing me to take care of whatever it was I had before it becomes whatever it is I have. But I did not listen to her because I did not want to know. I did not want to care and now that she tells me my truth, I think I am no longer in a position to argue.

I bring this to myself.

Taking a deep breath, I can only let a small smile reach her, assuring her that I am okay with it. At least, I try to be okay with it. But her face does not budge, she still puts this look on her face. She can always see right through me.

I can never fool her, can I?

She keeps her mum. She is not herself. I am not myself. I am counting the days to the day I will have to say goodbye when suddenly her warm embrace engulfs me. She holds me from my back, bringing me temporary peace, helping me inhale one long breath that eases me.

"I'll do myself a favour."

Her body tenses at my words. She is about to shift facing me when I hold her hand firmly telling her wordlessly to stay where she is. I cannot see her now without pouring my tears out. I need her to know this.

"When the day comes, I'll go in peace."