Metanoia

10: Wet Ink

"Keith, a friend is here to see you!" Mrs shirogane called from downstairs. I'm just minding my own business in this empty room of mine, listening to music. I turn the music down so it isn't drowning out the world around me, opening my door and leaning against the doorframe,

"Can't be. Don't have friends," I responded, not wanting to be rude and ignoring one of the only foster parents who actually cared for me. I was just turning to go back into my room when I heard an unfamiliar yet familiar voice coming from downstairs, probably the person at the door,

"Keith, it's me, Lance! We met on the beach the other day??" Yeah, I recognize his voice now; he's that lanky guy I met while on my walk, that guy who game me water and a hair tie, then almost ran me over with his buddies. I head over to the stairs, walking down only a bit in order to see him, to confirm my suspicions.

"Why are you here??" I spoke, my music still softly playing in the background back up the stairs. Him and mrs shirogane were looking at me, but I was only looking at that boy, wanting him to leave me alone. I walk all the way down, and over to mrs shirogane, "thank you mrs shirogane for answering the door, I'm ok now." I faced her with a convincing smile to get her to leave, not wanting her here when I start to chew out this kid.

"Well i'm here to-" he started, but was distracted when mrs shirogane left, his mind seemed frazzled.

"Whatever you're gonna ask, the answer is no." I don't want to know this kid, I don't want to become friends with him. Why don't people realize that getting close to others is too risky?? I can still imagine the pain in my chest, and I don't want to feel that way again; so alone, and abandoned.

"But-"

"Didn't you hear what I said?? my answer is no!" I griped the front door edge tight in my hand, really just ready to end this conversation now and close him out.

"Ok," he had a grin of mischief on his face; I really just wanna slam this door into that face. "Keith, would you Not like to come over for dinner??" Ok, playing with words won't change my answer.

"Then yes, I would definitely NOT." That was more of a shout, I have to be careful, I really don't want any of the shiroganes knowing that I'm pushing out this guy. He's actually really nice, I can tell from the brightness in his eyes, how he offered his stuff to me the day I met him, how right now he's offering me dinner even though he doesn't know me. I cannot drag him down, i cannot be his friend, I have to push him away so he doesn't constantly try to persuade me to be his friend. I don't want the pain to happen to him by my hands.

"Oh, well, that didn't work then- um.." he now seemed even more disheveled, looking down and kicking at the ground. "Ya sure?" He looked hopeful and desperate, that showing through in his voice. My breath was caught in my throat, just imagining that that was probably the expression I was giving my dad that day, desperate for his love. I can't leave him like this, I could cause it, I don't want to wish that upon someone else.

"Sorry... um..." I looked behind me, hoping that takashi was there to guide me through this, but I was alone; just how I wanted, I guess. I felt my hands shaking, quickly shoving them into my sweatshirt pockets to hide them.

"Dude, you ok?" The bright boy asked, looking worried. I nodded, I guess I let my guard down. I take a deep breath and look up to him,

"Look, I can't tonight-..its, too soon notice," I lied, that's not the reason. "Maybe some other time?" I asked him, making his own lips curl into a soft smile.

"Another time then. See ya around Keith" he said with his smile and a soft wave as he turned to head down the tall stairs of the porch. A quick cold shiver ran through me as I watched him take the first few steps away from me,

"W-wait!" I called out, not meaning to, my voice just working on its own accord. You have to come up with something quick Keith, he's looking at you now waiting for you to say something, say something! "We have no way to get in contact with each other," I said sorta upbeat in order to hide the voice crack when I was calling him back. I pulled out a pen from the key table drawer beside the door, "mind if i give you my number?"

"Sure! I'll be sure to text you later so you can make a contact for me too" his smile was so bright now, just as happily as when I first met him. He pulled up his sleeve and held his wrist out for me, and I quickly jotted my number down, having to work around some of the rough leather bracelets he was wearing. He let the ink dry as he turned around to start heading away again, "see ya!" He called back to me as he was blowing on the phone number I left on him.

"Bye." I said probably to soft for him to hear as I closed the door, re-locking it before heading back upstairs to my room. Takashi was poking his head out of his room, watching me walk up the stairs in worry,

"What was that?"

"Just some kid I met trying to become my friend, no big deal.." i mumbled, suddenly just feeling really tired from the interaction.

"Are you sure it's no big deal?? Keith, I know something is up, your crying." Wait, what?? I reach up and wipe my cheek, feeling the now cool tears wipe onto my hand. I guess I'm not ok.