Looking For Our Stars

Sorry, not sorry

                                                                                         HAZELS PROV

I walked out of the hospital in anger, not turning back I couldn't believe it. That idiot is killing himself! Why would he even think of it. Some people have no choice but to be like this like me. But he chooses it he is choosing to die.

"Hazel I am sorry!" The Pudge cried out loud.

 "DO YOU REALLY THINK I WANT YOUR APOLOGY? WELL I DON'T YOU MAY HAVE THE CHOICE TO KILL YOURSELF, BUT I DON'T I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO BE HEALTHY, TO NOT HAVE CANCER, TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. BUT I CAN'T!"

"Hazel, why do you even care that I smoke? Why do you have an unlit cigar in your mouth if you don't smoke?" Pudge then said it like it just like he blurted it out. accidental. But the phrase brought me to tears, I did't want to start crying, not here, not right  now, all I wanted to do was prove my point. 

"Its because, of Augustus." I said softly. Then I walked away, into my car. I then drove home, I didn't say "hi," to my parents. All I did was go to my room, and read the one thing that was ours, An Imperial Affliction, the only thing I had left of my one true love, the person who kept me safe, who made me feel, beautiful. I only wish I could do the same to make him feel loved. Not too long later their was a knock on my bedroom door, I didn't answer, so they just kinda came in.

"Hazel, are you okay? Do we need to send you to support group?" My mother asked

"No! I never want to go there again!" I exclaimed. 

"Hazel, I thought you liked it isn't it where you met Augustus?"

"YEA! AND HE IS FREAKING DEAD MOM! AUGUSTUS WATERS IS DEAD! BECAUSE OF SUPPORT GROUP!"

"Hazel, that makes no sense,"

"It does to me." My mother nodded and embraced me then left putting three oatmeal cookies on my bed. I ate the cookies and checked my email, for the first time since Augustus passed away. Inside the email a single letter was their from someone named Miles Halter. I opened it and it read.

 Dear Hazel Grace Lancaster, 

        Tis I Pudge, that dude you met at the gloomy graveyard, I would just like to say I am sorry to have bugged you, and Im sorry that I have an umbreakable habbit. But since its not my fault I decided I would do something that will probably get you to hate me, but I am going to try anyway. Hazel, will you go on a movie dinner with me? Not a date! Just incase you were wondering, I do not have the privlige to get such a beautiful girl, just yet so I must prove myself to you. On this movie dinner, we will go see the movie An Imperial Affliction, and then go out for pizza. So my question is will you Hazel Grace Lancaster?

Love Miles Halter aka Pudge.

Once I finished reading the cheesy note I began to realize, that I am Pudges comeback girl. He doesn't really love me, he is just so depressed, he needs a new girl, come on Pudge your girlfriend died less than a year ago! I thought of a clever, comeback in a way to say no, your not my type, without being suttle. So then I remembered a lesson Peter Van Houten taught me.

Dear Pudge,

        I finished reading you letter, and I do love the book An Imperial Affliction, it actually is my favorite book, but what someone once told me, where is my chance to be somebody, when will I get to act upon my own? When can I choose something for myself, why couldn't you ask me in person? So I would just like to tell you that being unable to say no can make you exusted, stressed and irriatable. So I would not like to be any of those things, for I have cancer, and I am sure it will make it worse, good day, Miles.

        Sincerely Hazel Grace Lancaster

I sent the letter, and I automaticaly felt proud of myself, of my accomplishments. I have just turned down a boy in a clever way, without being impolite, he probably doesn't know what the hell I just said. Its what he gets for trying to fool me into his arms. Augustus died eight months ago, those have been the worst eight months of my life. I only wish I could be with him.