A few months later
The crusty bread and Pepe were laying in bed together. The random voice in the sky felt sorry for them, because even though the two had been married for a while, they still hadn't consummated their marriage.
So the chill ass dude used some magic and badda bing badda bong, our bread boy turned into a sexy ass human, gifted with huge pee pee and abs that would make any Greek god cry.
"HOLY FUCK THE CHICKEN GOD HAS BLESSED US" Pepe exclaimed looking at her sexy mans
"What did I do to deserve this" The bread boy asked in wonder
"You are now a bread hybrid, meaning you can turn back into a bread anytime you please, or you can turn into a human anytime you please"
"Thank you Mr Chicken God" The bread-human replied
"It's all Gucci Children, now be fruitful and multiply" the voice in the sky commands
This sent a shiver down Pepe's spine
"Oh my god we've been given permission to consummate the marriage" Pepe says excitedly
"Oh fuck yeah"
"Provided that you do not tell us the details- we need to keep this PG 13 after all"
The couple could live with that, so they wasted no time, and got it on like bunnies.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Medusa was chilling in Donald's house with a blunt in her hand. She had to get away from her house. Her parents hadn't stopped getting frisky for like two days straight, and Medusa frankly had enough of the scarring mess that it was.
Donald kindly offered his future hoe a place to stay for a while. They were smoking the good shit and playing I spy.
"I spy with my little eye something beginning with M" Donald said
"Hmmm the mountain outside"
"No"
"What about the muffins"
"No"
"Fuck it I give up already"
"You sure"
"Na wait I don't you flipping pony"
"I'm a Duck though...."
"Oh shit sorry that might've come across as speciest"
"What's that"
"I think that's the species equivalent to being a racist"
"What the crack is that"
"I don't bloody know- anyways I think that the answer is me, Medusa"
"Yeah... I'm gonna marry a Medusa you know"
"Wait what the freckled Jesus, you know another Medusa" she asked with an angry frown
"No I was talking about you, Medusa I don't know anyone other you who has that name silly"
"Oh Yeah lol"
Then she blushed
*~*~*~*~*
The gay polar bear couple was on a date in peach garden.
They did end up doing the devils tango on Luigi's circuit, it was kind of wild so Thomas definitely wanted to do it again. Even though Peach did fly kick them off the track before their race started.
They were snacking on KFC hot wings and chips watching the fault in our stars.
They got ran over by Bowser a few times, hit with a few red and green shells due to the race going on around them, but it did not affect the couple who was watching the movie cuddling next to each other.
"We stan a wholesome couple" the random ass voice in sky says
He then sent a rainbow out in the sky
*~*~*~*~*~*
The frisky car trio were well getting frisky- because when were they not. Again they were at Rainbow road.
Mario wasn't even surprised but he did kick them off the track.... with his Kart. They fell off with a scream.
Don't worry they weren't hurt, they fell into a hole and ended up in Stray Kids dorm.
The frisky trio hung out with the chill group that didn't mind having them there. It was liiiiit boiiiii. They even joined them on a live stream.
Although the fans were confused as fuck- they didn't understand why there was talking cars on Stray Kids live stream, but then again they weren't surprised- for some reason it seemed to make sense for them, simply because they were Stray Kids, a literal group of attractive crackheads.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Dora the bloody explorer, her side hoe Boots and Swiper were with her. Even Ken and Barber joined her.
Like usual she was spying on the Bread- now human boy and Pepe. Although the only content she was getting deserved to be in an r-rated movie. Even she couldn't help but blush witnessing the acts they were committing. She poured two bottles of oil all over herself.
"Wow that bread dude really is kinky- first they used whips, now chains- oof he even made Pepe call him Daddy" Boots comments smoking that good stuff
"Oi Swiper did you upload the video I made yesterday to Pornhub" Dora asked
"Ya ya ya" Swiper replied
"That's good"
"Dear lord they're using lolly pops and whip cream" Ken comments his nose bleeding
"Y'all I'm screaming" Barbie exclaims and then spazzes out
"Oh my glob" Dora drawls
Ken then plays Ice JJ fishes song On the floor
"Oh hell no, do not play that song on my Christian Minecraft server" Dora hisses
"But it-it sets the mood" Ken replied
"Fine keep that shit on" Dora relented
Boots and Swiper kind of got bored of watching the live porno, so they decided to play with their my little pony toys.
Dora, Barbie, and Ken continued to watch the couple, taking pictures and videos and uploading them online. They got millions of millions of views and likes.
Their posts broke the internet, the universe and even the readers reading this crack filled stories mind's- that's why the story is ending here, because everyone's minds are too broken to function from the shit they had just witnessed- and they need an entire life time to recover from it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~
Honestly I need a whole lifetime to recover from this shit lmao
The crack was short, it was sweet but it also.... Finish the sentence I can't think of shit
Byeeee boiiiiis
YOU ARE READING
The Bread Fic
HumorIn which a loaf of bread falls in love with a human Started: I can't remember lol Finished: 22/02/19
