Dead Inside

Party Time Photos

     I wake up in the morning, and look at the clock. Shit, I gotta be at the bus in 5 minutes!!!  I jump up, and throw some fresh clothes on before running downstairs. A quick thought tells me to grab the mystery note, so I grab it and run down the stairs. I grab a slice of cold leftover pizza on the way out the door, then run down to the bus stop. I stand there for a time, 15 minutes go by. I wonder why the bus isn't here yet, then it dawned on me. I look down at my phone and check the date.... It's saturday, totally forgot I was out for a couple days. It's no wonder people were looking at me crazy just standing there.
     I duck my head and walk back to my house. I open the door to find Joseph and Tommy sitting there eating a bowl of cereal. So I grab a bowl and sit down with them. "How you guys been doing lately," I asked them. Joseph responds, "we're doing pretty good, got a big project for school we're working on with a couple friends." Tommy pops in, "yea, and we also got a birthday party to go to today." I looked at them slightly confused, but responded simply. "Well I'm glad to hear y'all are doing good, you know you can come to me and talk to me if anything is ever bothering you." "Yes, of course. But we know you have you're own problems to deal with, and we're fine anyways," Joseph quickly said. I smiled and nodded my head, we ate the rest of our breakfast in silence.
     After we finished eating, I looked around for a note from my mom. Seeing as she came home late and had to work today, she would have left a note for me and my brothers. I look around and find it under a stack of papers on the counter. There was no mention of a party on the note, so I decided to send her a message asking about it. She responds moments later asking me to take them, seeing as it would be fun for them. I find the address and find that the house is only a couple blocks down from us. So I get the boys ready to go and we head out the door for the party.
     I was planning on leaving the boys at the party while I went back home. However, my mom messaged me again asking that I stay at the party with the boys. I let out a sigh and feel my stomach sink. I really don't want to be at a social event, let alone one for a bunch of middle schoolers. We reach the house in silence. It's a beautiful house, much nicer than the one we live in. The large, open windows show party people inside. The beautifully manicured landscape makes the dull colors of the brick pop. I've never met any of these people, but something tells me that they are of the higher class. This thought didn't bring any hope to me at all, just made this worse for me.
     I get up the willpower to move my legs again. We walk up to the house, and as if waiting for us, a smiling woman immediately opens the door. She is dressed in jeans, and a beautiful blouse. Definitely of more expensive taste. Joshua and Tommy are ushered in with a hug and many more smiles, however I was welcomed with less enthusiasm. As if my presence brought a rather dull feel to the party, which I'm very sure it did. I look around the house and find myself very out of place. It's mid-spring and there is color everywhere, people happy, and flowers. Then there's me, in my typical black apparel. I feel very self-conscious about my appearance, and feel as if all eyes are on me as I try to find my brothers.
     I finally find the boys outside with their friends, running around wild and free. They look so happy, I'm very glad I chose to bring them. I was not glad to be there, and I was getting more and more anxious by the second. I quickly make my way around to the side of the house. There's nowere to hide for the time being, so I make my way to the other side of the house. Bumping in to people, and trying to avoid conversation as my anxiety and stress begin to peak. I make it to the other side and find a gated section into which I go. I sit on the ground and try to calm myself down. My mother knows how I feel about the situatuions, and she knows how I respond. Never good. I sit there shaking, and trying to catch my breath; slowly gaining composure of myself.
     I feel like a mess, hiding during a party. Then I hear a voice coming closer, the footsteps getting louder. I quickly get up and go to the other side of the trash cans to hide as best I could. Sure enough the gate opens, there stands a girl about my age. She's tall-ish, fair skinned, beautiful brunette hair, and gorgeous blue eyes to bring it all together. Yet she was dressed in a simple fashion, classy but not too high end. However, much to my demise, she was holding a bag of trash. I put my head in my hands and wait for the devilish laugh I get so many times in my life.
      I hear her footsteps getting closer, until the stop just a couple feet away from me. I feel frozen in this position, awaiting the signal that I'm through with. She lifts the lid and throws the trash in, then she stands in front of me. She stands for a moment before she sits down next to me. A flood of emotions drift through me; this American beauty sitting in the dirt by a teenage dirtbag. It makes no sense. I lift my head and look at her, seeing full compasion in her eyes. I wanted tot say something to her, aanything at all. Yet I couldn't get anything out, so we both just sat there in silence for a time. Her very presence seemed to have relaxed me, calming me down. After about 5 minutes of sitting there she gets up and makes her way back out the gate.
     I sit for a moment, awestruck that someone such as her would take the time to comfort me. I finally snap back to reality and jump up, as if ready for another round in the game of life. I walk out the gate and find my brothers. They run up to me with cake in hand, Joseph holding a spare piece. "We going on a sugar high today?" I asked jokingly. They both laughed and Joseph handed me the piece of cake. They look at each other and smile suspiciously. "Before I bite into this delicacy, is there anything about it I should know," I asked them. They look at each other once more, then Tommy points and says; "she wanted us to bring you some cake." I look in the direction of his finger and see the girl who sat with me. I smile at her and cut into my cake. It's a delicious cake, and go for another bite. Yet I look down and notice a little piece of black paper.
     The boys run off again, and I pull out the paper. Its a little envelope and inside is a picture. It's a picture of me sitting by a big oak tree on our school grounds. It's an amazingly shot picture, definitely proffessional work. I look on the other side of the photo and see writting. It read in neat print: "You spent so much time here, filling in the holes of your existence. Maybe you should make some holes to find treasures." Now what on earth is that supposed to mean. And is that girl the one who gave me the note in my locker, I never see her at school. I don't understand it at all, but if I want answers I will have to follow the leads. Otherwise I'm gonna die of overthinking it. Well, whatever the situation; sugar will keep me going. I just finish my cake in peace, overthinking as usual.