LIFE WAS BETTER OFF THE GRID || 1

Agent Drop What You're About To Say And Listen

He kissed me slowly and after a second I kissed him back.

He wasn't my first kiss, not by a long shot. But he was my first kiss in over five years. And he was soft. As if I would break if he pushed to hard. The black paint on his nose was cold and tickled against my skin. It was if something had ignited deep in my soul. Something that sent sparks. My finger were tangled in his hair that had bits of straw in it.

But no matter right it felt, it was wrong. I pulled away, not meeting his eyes which I assume were full of hurt and confusion. I touch the tips of my fingers to my lips where Steve's had been only seconds before. "Ave—" he started.

"No—Steve." I felt my eyes burn with the tears brewing in them. "I can't. I can't do that to you." He cupped my face in his hands again, forcing me to look into his eyes. A tear rolled down and I shut my eyes tightly. His thumb brushed it away. "Can't do what?" He asks, barely above a whisper.

"I'm a mess Steve." I say pulling away from him once again. "My life is so fucked up and I can't drag you into it any more than you already are. All my life I've hurt people. No matter where I go, someone always ends up hurt. Or worse. And I could never look Peggy in the eyes knowing that I hurt you. So Steve, I can't."

"Avianne." He says but I turned away. "Avianne." I ignore him and head to go inside. He grabs my wrist. "Avianne." I take a shaky breath before yanking my wrist out of his grip and running back inside.

Without looking back I run to the emergency staircase and run up the one flight to the apartments and dash to my room. I push past Bruce and before he can stop me I'm already in my room and locking the door. I'm sure he knocked but I ignore him. "Jarvis?" I call out, my voice breaking. I don't know why Steve's telling me he liked me hit me so hard.

"Miss? Would you like me to get Agent Romanoff or Agent Barton?"

"No." I say. "Play something. Anything, just please distract me.

"I really think I should alert Agen—"

"I said no, Jarvis." I repeat. "Yes miss."

A song started playing, probably something from Tony's playlists. I didn't recognize the song but it distracted me. I locked myself in my bathroom, ignoring the pounding on the door. I had Jarvis put the song on full volume. The song I had learnt was called Blue (da ba dee) ended and a song I recognized came on.

'If I should stay'
'Iwould only be in your way'
'So, I'll go but I know'
'I'll think of you'
'Each step of the way'

"Stop turn it off." I tell Jarvis. I lied down on the cool bathroom floor and closed my eyes.

This is stupid, Avianne. Is what he would say. The Agent Found I know would get off her ass and do something. His voice echoed through my head.

"I'm not her." I mutter. "Not anymore."

Too bad, so sad. You just rejected a really great guy. I shake my head. "He shouldn't like me. He should like someone as damaged as me." Damaged? Hell yeah you're damaged. So is he. He watched his best friend fall from a train, he died, everyone he knew is either dead or in a retirement home. Now you can lie here on your ass singing Chasing Cars like you've already lost, or go out there and win.

"Win what?"

I don't know, it sounded supportive in my head. I let out a choked laugh. "You're right. It's time I get off my ass." I say and stand up. I look in the mirror and wipe my face. Atta girl.

I put my hair down and change into black leggings and a soft shirt with the NASA logo on it. I reach for the door knob and open it.

"AVIANNE!" Clint grabbed me and lifted me off the ground in a very tight hug. "Clint—need—oxygen." He put me down and grabbed my left wrist. "Clint—what." He dropped it and grabbed my right one. "What are yo—"

"Oh thank god." He said and wrapped me in another hug. I look over his shoulder to see a guilty looking Bruce, a relieved Nat, and a confused Thor. He pulled me away and griped my shoulders. "Don't you ever scare me like that again."

"Like wh—"

He wrapped me in another hug. "Clint—let—me—go."

"He thought you went suicidal." Nat said. "What? No! I had a panic attack that's all." OK, it wasn't a total lie. He sighed in relief. "I thought you had—it was all my fault—I snapped at you an—"

"Stop!" I said. "Stop being a worried mother for one second! I'm OK, Clint. I had a panic attack, it's normal, it's happened before. Just relax. Please."

"You're staying in the Med bay tonight." He cut me off before I could protest. "Just to make sure everything's OK."

"I'm—" Nat gave me a drop-whatever-you're-about-to-say-and-listen look. "Fine. Just let me make a call first." He nodded and they escorted me to the Med Bay. Nat and Clint put me in an empty room with only a bed in it and I gave them a look. "It's for your safety." Clint told me. "I'm fine!" Nat gave me another look and tossed me my phone and shut the door.

I huffed. I unlocked my phone and pressed a on a contact. I put my phone to my ear and listened to the three rings and then:

"This is Phil Coulson, sorry I couldn't make it to the phone right now but I'll call you back as soon as I can, bye."

I grinned. "Hey Philadelphia, it's Found. You were right. I'm OK."

But unaware to me, Phil's voice hadn't been in my head.